There was a time, not so very many years ago when a person who was being physically abused at the hands of their significant other had no where to turn for help. Courts, law enforcement officials, and even friends and family often made light of these situations until it was too late.
Today, thanks to the efforts of Mental Health professionals and victims themselves we have now started viewing Domestic Physical abuse for the crime it is. We have made great strides in helping victims get out of these dangerous situations and recover their lives.
People on the whole, no longer turn their backs on these abuse victims and tell themselves that they need not get involved. Every day more and more people are reporting incidents of physical abuse and are saving lives in the process.
However, there is another kind of Domestic Abuse, that is still overlooked. Not because people don’t see it happening, not even because they don’t care. They simply don’t see what is happening as abuse.
That is because the victim of this kind of abuse has no marks for people to see. No broken bones, no bruises, burns, or other physical trauma. That is because the abusers damage is done not externally, but internally, to the victims psyches. It is called Emotional abuse and it can cause just as much damage as physical abuse can. However, emotional abuse often goes unreported even by the victim themselves.
One reason, why Emotional abuse has not got the attention that physical abuse does is because even the victims of emotional abuse often does not realize or understand they are being abused. When someone suggests to a victim they are being abused their first reaction is “No, he has never hit me.”
The public at large and the victim themselves need to learn that words and actions can carry as potent a punch as a fist, and that the effects on the victim can be just as long lasting.
The main goal of the abuser is to gain control over the victim. If the abuser can accomplish that without leaving physical marks he will do so.
If you feel you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, then you probably are. For those who do not know if they are emotionally abused there are some questions you need to ask yourself.
1.Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self esteem? While in normal relationships during the heat of an argument, one partner may say something critical and hurtful, they do not criticize on a daily basis, nor do their criticisms reach into all aspects of your life. An emotional abuser will use criticism and humiliation to force you to behave in a way that he desires you to behave. And this criticism is never ending.
2.Does your partner isolate you from your family and friends? This is the first thing all abusers do to their victims. Cutting a victim off from those around them leaves the victim isolated and completely dependent on the abuser. This dependence not only makes it easier for the abuser to establish control, but it also keeps those closest to you from knowing what is really happening.
3.Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, objects, or threatened a pet if you have done something to displease them?
4.Do you feel fine during the day and the minute your partner steps through the door suddenly experience headaches, stomach aches, or feel yourself tensing up? All physical symptoms have a cause and if you are experiences any of these symptoms the moment your significant other steps into a room those symptoms are warning you that all is not right with your relationship.
5.Do you feel, that nothing you do is ever good enough? Have you suddenly started questioning your own ability to make decisions without checking with your significant other first?
6.Do you feel a sense of helplessness, shame, or guilt a good majority of the time?
7.Do you feel yourself withdrawing ?
While these are just a few of the signs of emotional abuse, they are the most easily recognized. If you are experiencing one or more of these signs on a regular basis, you need to find someone with whom you can talk. Someone, who can help you make plans to get out of the relationship and get on the road to recovery.
Recovery itself will be a slow process, and at first you may still feel all the guilt, shame, and helplessness that you felt in the relationship. You will probably also feel a sense of failure that you could not please your partner and make the relationship work.
Understand that all these feelings are normal and natural. Also understand that they will persist and cause a disruption in the intimacy of any new relationship unless you take steps to heal yourself.
Start by believing that things not only can but will get better. Tell yourself that you have a right to be happy and that your happiness does not lay with some other person but with yourself.
Get support, Friends can be a great help but if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long period of time seek the advice of a counselor who deals with abuse, join a support group, do whatever you have to do to realize and accept that your situation is not unique and that you can heal and grow from your experience.
Accept that you won’t be able to make big changes overnight. Start with small changes. Take up a hobby, join a club, get your hair done.
At first, each time you do something that was “forbidden” in your relationship you will feel anxious, nervous, you might feel a little guilty and a have a queasy stomach. These all all natural reactions. Your relationship programed you to have these reactions, and it will take time and effort to deprogram from these reactions.
When you accept and work through these feelings and discover, that having made a decision, no criticism or humiliation resulted you will feel a sense of relief and freedom. Each new decision and experience will give you more of a sense of freedom until one day, you will make a decision, act upon it and realize that you did so without guilt, shame, or the tiniest bit of ill feeling in the pit of your stomach.
It is then you will know, that leaving your emotionally abusive relationship was the best decision you could have made.
