Angry children can be more than just a pain in the rear, and for many parents in today’s world, angry children can be a source of much stress. The younger the child is, the harder it is for a parent to understand how to guide them into better behavior.
If the child’s parents are afraid to correct behavior, or don’t know how, the child can develop nasty and sometimes abusive behaviors. Others will develope manipulation tactics as they get older, and the tatrums and halabaloo will continue for years until some else decides to put their foot down.
If your an outsider viewing into the world of an angry child, it can be even more difficult to understand what to do, or how to react.
The most important thing to remember before reading this artcle, is to remember that if you are not the childs parent, there many not be anything you can do to help change the childs behavior. Your first step should always be trying to talk to their parent(s).
Understanding Discipline
Discipline is often times confused with punishment. They are two seperate issues and serve very different purposes. Punishments are meant to injur or inflict negative feelings in an attempt to control a child. Discipline is when your guide the children in to better habits and behaviors that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
With an angry child, you have to understand that they are screaming out for structure. They push limits, they stress you out, they manipulate, they scream, they do everything but what you tell them to do. They are waiting for someone to do something about it. They are waiting for that moment when enough is enough.
Yet, when the parents give up because their child is strong willed, they give the child the key. The child then learns that they can get what they want, if they can hold out just longer then the adults around them. After a while, many parents will get used to the pattern and just return to spoiling the child in an attempt to keep them happy.
Then when the child gets denied something, the ultimate tantrums start, and the parents often attempt to punish the child. Making them feel bad about behavior they have been allowed to get away with for a long time, It becomes a viscious cycle, and one that sometimes needs the help of a professional.
Understanding that it is not the childs fault to their own behavior is a big key in the world of children under 8. They are doing what they know works best. Often times it is locked in with a need for attention they would not get if they were behaving positively. Which is when it becomes the choice of the parent to change the childs behavior by adapting habits that will go along with the children positive behavior.
Change the Behavior, Not the Child
It is important to remember, its not the child that you have a problem with, its their behavior. Attempting to punish a child to try and create a change is fruitless. You have to try and change the behavior, if you want to see results.
Here are some tips you can use to start helping the positive behavior to come through:
*Ignore negative behavior
Younger children really don’t have that long of an attention span, and they will most likely forget they were upset after 15 minutes. Just walk away and deny them the chance to get any of your attention. Encourage your friends and family to do the same, and if you are not the parent of the child, urge their parents to come talk with you else where.
Some children might forget about one problem and then create a new one in a short amount of time, which is natural. Just apply the same technique and avoid giving them any attention at all. You can go as far as locking yourself in a room if you need to get them to have their tatrum without you.
*Avoid Doing Anything Around Nap Time or Eating Time
Even children up to the age of 10 can have major behavior problems when they are hungry or tired. They may not nap anymore, but they still need that time of day to relax and unwind. Try to do what you can to make sure they are feed on time for breakfast lunch and dinner, and create a routine so that they can have a nap time or "relax" time.
Lunch time is a key factor in many parents lives that can really effect their kids behavior. Between 12 and 4, many children will feel hungry and then tired. Yet, instead of just telling their parents that they would like to eat and lay down, they start throwing fits about the toy they wanted at the store.
Avoid doing anything at eating time or relaxing time. If you have an afternoon appointment, cancel it. Schedule it to a morning or late evening appointment. If you absolutely have to go somewhere, make sure to bring or get food on the way and have a plan for what your child will do when they are out with you.
Short tempered children have an even harder time on errands and important long meetings, so try to do what you can to keep them in their routine.
*Take Another Approach
Sometimes the ignore them approach is the exact opposite of what needs to be done. An alternative route you could try, is to take a "break" with a child who is behaving inappropriately.
Just take them to a quite safe room, such as their own bedroom. Take a seat someone comfy and let them have out their tantrum. They can do whatever they like, and make whatever mess. Just sit their quitely and peacefully until they are done.
When it seems that the tantrum is subsiding, ask them for a hug. Ask them about their feelings. Were they mad? Sad? Upset? Ask them what happened that upset them, and then talk about what happened after. If they couldn’t have something because they didn’t say please, or didnt clean their room, than talk about that. Talk about what they could do to get what they want. Offer them help if they need it, but encourage them do most of the work.
Sometimes an angry child doesn’t understand their own emotions or reactions, and they have never had anyone sit down and talk about them with them. The idea of a "break", is that the child learns that you will not abandon them when they are upset, but you also will not put up with the bad behavior. It gives them a chance to talk about what happen, and to learn what they can do to behave better in the next situation.
This tip is something that may need to be tried more than several times to see results, and is often combind with "ignoring the bad behavior."
*Offer Them Chances to Succeed
Often times, parents are so busy or disctracted with other thoughts that they don’t give their children any moments where they can react positively and recieve reward. When we are distracted, when often times only notice the negative in what our children are doing, and never giving them positive attention can lead to angry and hurt children.
Offer them a chance to help you with the dishes for a dollar, or ask them if they will help you wash your car. Sit down and play a board game with them, or go for a walk. Spend time with them that is focuses on them doing something positive. This will re-enforce the positive behavior, and give the children ideas as to what would get positive attention from you.
*Don’t Overindulge
Its hard not to do in this technology based society. Giving our kids all the gadgets and toys they want, or friends and relatives giving gifts to the kids. When children are over exposed to games and toys, they can become over stimulated. Which sometimes leads to the desire for something new every few minutes, or the unhappiness in just about everything.
Over indulgence can lead to materialistic view, and the idea that objects and possessions are what create love and effection. As the child goes on more and more, still not recieving the attention they want, but only getting more "things", they develop nasty behaviors.
Angry children can be so overwhelming to some parents, and easy to deal with for others. Each situation is different. Some need the help of a professional or a therapist. This is not a bad thing, but you have to remember that although cousneling might help the child, it is the parents who truly need the therapy, if anything is to change.
As an outsider looking in, the best thing you can do is offer your support and knowledge. The less overwhelmed a parent feels, the more likely they are to do the right thing for the child. Instead of just giving in to get a break.
