Well you did it, you got married!
The honeymoon was great and the first few years seemed to fly by.
But now….
- Do you take each other for granted?
- Do you really hear each other and listen?
- Do you feel appreciated and loved?
- Are your needs being met?
These are important things in a relationship. The problem is that over time we seem to take each other for granted, we seem to lose our ability to hear and listen and we often times forget to say the little things like thank you.
And yes I am referring to both husband and wife. Although men seem to tune out more often than women, women in turn seem to talk to much.
You need to get back to the roots of your love, the reason you got married. When you were dating, he wowed you off your feet..
HIM:
- Opened the door to the car for you
- Made sure he smelled nice
- Lit your smoke (if you smoke)
- Open doors and let you enter first
- Took you out on dates….
HER
- Dressed up for him
- Cooked for him
- Complimented him
- Thanked him
- Looked up and admired him…
You see the issues, but over time we start to take each other for granted and then things can and usually do spiral downhill.
Here are the plans:
- Switch roles with each other for one day. Each one of you write out what you do from the time you get up to the time you go to bed and exchange your lists with each other. Now whatever is on the list you are given is your responsibility and you must do it all. If you both work outside of the house then do this based on a weekend. I guarantee if you walk in your spouses shoes for the day you will start to see things a little differently. Of course the women may want to keep it that way! LOL
- Make it a point each day to say at least on complimenting thing to each other.
- Make it a point to do something special for your spouse each day…could be as simple as curling up with them (you know you haven’t done that in a while)
- Prove that you are listening to each other. In the morning have a small conversation of what you would like to do or accomplish by the end of the night. At dinner time ask your spouse (this goes for both of you) to tell you what you said and would like …see if they heard you or not.
- Don’t get upset, the point is to show each other what the problems are and together you work on them.
- Role reversal: this is a big one…it can be fun but it can also be irritating. But it works. Each day pick a time and together pretend you are the other person. Show them how you feel they act or talk. As I said this can be tough to take as it makes you take a good look at yourself. You might be surprised at how your spouse views the things you do.
- Discuss these things and work on a plan to change …maybe how you say things to each other, or how your approach something.
- Men: turn off the TV when your wife needs to talk with you, listen to her and really hear her, put input in (this means talking not grunting)
- Women: Send the kids to the room or stop what you are doing and listen to your husband. No comments from you at first, just shut up and listen. Then when he is finished talking think about what he said and try to put yourself in his shoes before you comment. (you know we tend to say things and judge) No judging!
- Tell each other thank you for sharing (and mean it not sarcastically)
- Give each other a long kiss not just for sex and not a peck on the cheek. Make out once a day like you used to.
While working on these things throw in some spice, go out on a date, try a different place, try something new, be more active with each other. Another words spend time together. Turn off the TV, put down the book, stop knitting…believe all those things will still be there tomorrow.
But the way life is…..YOUR SPOUSE MAY NOT BE
Never live with the:
- could have
- should have
- would have
Don’t wait until it is to late and then say I wish I would have…I should have…or I could have…
Never go to bed angry, do not with hold love, do not give guilt trips.
Just stop and look at your spouse and see them from the inside …like you did from the beginning.
