Many people choose to tie the knot at their home, or the home of their parents or friends. This a lovely and intimate choice, but you do need to take steps to be certain that all the practical matters are covered to do this seamlessly. Home weddings are increasingly popular in tough economic times, but they can be done without compromising the components you’d like to have. Here are some tips:
First of all, is there enough room? Is this a small, intimate wedding? Is it a small enough gathering so everyone can be seated–or at least stand–comfortably in one large room, parted down the middle, for the ceremony? If not–if you are thinking of 100 or so people at a private residence–then these are two radically different kinds of weddings–small and intimate at home or a larger group of 100+ at a private home–two very different kinds of animals.
Even if the wedding is small and intimate, you want it to reflect both the serious and the celebratory aspects of the occasion. You might consider a small tent in the yard for dining tables; a few small tables under a tent outdoors makes a romantic ambiance. If the tent can span a small patio, there is your dance floor. If not, dance floors can be rented in multiples of 3-foot squares. You would not want to go smaller than 9’ X 9’, lest someone’s foot should slip off the edge (especially in a high heel) and snap an ankle.
If the guest list encompasses a larger group, is there sufficient space in the yard for a large tent? Because your wedding should not get rained on EVER–even if it’s never rained on your wedding date in recorded history. (Besides, a tent will shade your guests from too-hot or too-bright sun.) DO NOT plan an outdoor wedding if you, personally, will be disappointed if it isn’t a bright sunny day.
Get the right tent. A rental company can send out a tent specialist to look at available spots on the property and can help you decide (1) where to place the tent (the prettiest spot isn’t always the best spot–possibly not level (you don’t want dining tables to wobble, and you want the wedding cake to be rock solid), or over the septic tank and (2) what size and type of tent you need, and to what extent you want to accessorize the tent you can get fabulously lit ceilings of shirred tulle, and rent tent pole covers, tent "walls" with or without windows, etc.–or simply use the canopy of the top to shield your guests from the elements. You can often save money by wrapping the poles with tulle and/or silk-floral or greenery garlands. Surprisingly, it may very well be less expensive to buy these materials than to rent the pole covers. If you’re renting a dance floor and it’s going inside the tent, be sure to tell the tent guy–obviously the tent will have to have enough room for “X” number of dining tables plus the dance floor.
Make the home more ‘venue-like’ by planning generously for rental costs when estimating your wedding budget–don’t just assume that because it’s at home that everything is there and everything is free. There are lots of items to consider renting–tent, china, flatware, linens, etc.–even some stand-alone lattice pieces to hide the garbage cans or compost heap; perhaps an archway in the garden under which to stand as you say your vows. You may plan to have your guests simply stand for a brief ceremony; or if you prefer them seated, you may need to rent chairs. (The same chairs can easily be moved to the dining tables by a few willing cousins.) If possible, consider serving the food buffet-style from the (beautifully-set-up) dining room inside the home. Also, consider switching lightbulbs inside the main areas of the home to amber-hued or pink, for softer, more romantic lighting.
Make sure you have enough people to help. Start making lists and assignments. If you’re using friends and relatives to prepare, bring, and help serve food instead of a caterer, this coordination is doubly important. As the day gets closer, remind people of what they’ve volunteered to do, thank them in advance and tell them you’re counting on them. Although it’s been said that “too many cooks spoil the soup,” be realistic about how much you can do beforehand and how much help you will need on Wedding Day. Remember that these ARE difficult economic times, and many of your close friends or relatives would not only like to feel included, but that it might be easier for them to offer their services in lieu of a purchased wedding gift. You can always get more bath towels later. Right now you need the help.
Keep it simple–for a larger crowd at a private home, perhaps a heavy-appetizers buffet instead of a dinner. Or at least foods that can be served cold or at most prepared ahead and simply reheated. If the home has a spare refrigerator–great! Be sure the refrigerators are as emptied out as possible, to make room for your food team, whether professional caterers or your personal posse of wedding-helpers.
Give the yard some consideration and necessary attention ahead of time: a month or two ahead, give it some Weed’n’Feed or even consider a couple of months of chemical lawn care so the lawn is at its lushest green. Plan exactly where you will place the tent, throw the bouquet and garter, etc.
Consider the season of your chosen date and what is in season that is planted in the yard: in the early spring (March-April), tulips and daffodils will begin to bloom (don’t plant new ones the previous fall expecting a big show in the spring–bulb-type plants often don’t bloom the first year after planting). In April to May, azaleas are usually blooming, and later in May, rhododendrons. In summer, you can augment the yard however much you wish, with Gerbera daisies, geraniums, even petunias all bringing shades of color, with impatiens in the shadier areas–all for reasonable prices. Hanging baskets should be in full bloom, and actually make a nice "appreciation" gift if you are using someone else’s home. Whatever is blooming outdoors will cut down dramatically on what you really need from the florist–perhaps just a single centerpiece on the banquet table and bouquets (an at-home wedding usually also means fewer attendants), corsages for moms and grandmothers, and men’s boutonnieres.
Don’t forget that just because it’s a home doesn’t mean you don’t need a license, particularly if you’re serving alcohol. In my state, a Banquet License from a state liquor store is required.
Whether it’s at your house, your parents’ house, or the home of someone else near and dear, you need to find out three things in advance: (1) are they on sewers or do they have septic tanks? If you have a large group (over 75), it could easily overwhelm a septic system, and the last thing you want associatated with your wedding is backed-up toilets (with a large group on a septic tank, seriously consider one or two porta-potties to tuck in a far corner of the yard–they are now available in models that are less than horrific to look at, and your rental company may rent them, or should be able to tell you who does–the cost is generally not a deal-breaker); (2) do make sure there’s sufficient electrical supply to the kitchen, utility room or out into the yard for music, etc., that you won’t find yourself without power; and (3) check the Homeowners Insurance Policy to see if any damage or liability from your function is covered. Many insurers will provide you with a one-time rider boosting the coverage for the occasion for an affordable charge. Otherwise, do consider event insurance.
Be sure to have sufficient garbage cans on hand–one or two, depending on the size of your gathering. They should be clean and odor-free, and lined with garbage bags. To make them less unsightly, inexpensive “wedding-themed” liners can be ordered at Oriental Trading Company Appoint someone to keep an eye on the garbage situation, and to change the bags when they’re full.
Check supplies of soap and toilet paper in the restrooms. Consider using wedding-themed paper “guest towels” instead of cloth towels (which get damp and unsanitary after a couple of uses). These are available inexpensively, again at Oriental Trading Company , or at a party store. They need not be “wedding themed”–a pretty floral is nice, too. Appoint someone to keep an eye on replenishing toilet paper, guest towels and soap when needed.
If you feel your celebration will be noisy, run somewhat late, or cause parking issues in the neighborhood, you should let the immediate neighbors know you will be holding a wedding. As a courtesy, especially if they are neighbors of long standing, go ahead and invite them. If there is a church or school within a few blocks, check with them to see if they would allow you to use their parking facilities–and if so, be sure to tuck that information on a small, computer-printed note inside your invitations.
Home-related wedding customs to add interest to your home wedding:
It’s a Swiss custom for couples to plant a tree together at their new home. If your ceremony is at your own home, why not use this custom as a unique end to your ceremony? Have the hole pre-dug, with a pair of small garden spades on either side. Select a special tree–perhaps a Japanese maple or an evergreen bedecked with white bows; remove the tree from its canister and place it in a white basket near the Officiant. The Officiant could make an announcement at the end of your ceremony (or you could do this instead of a Unity Candle), and you could do this as the finale to your ceremony; OR, you could do it as another small ceremonial component of your wedding: cut the cake, First Dance, Plant Tree.
It’s a Scandinavian custom for the bride to clip some ivy from her parents’ home and include it in her bouquet, removing it after the ceremony into a jar of water to grow roots, which she will then plant at her own new home. To have the Officiant mention this during the ceremony will make your guests feel included in this personal “family continuity” aspect of your wedding.
Hopefully, some or all of these tips will help you to have the home wedding you envision, without your being too tied-up in managing the details to enjoy your day.
6.01.09
