Autism has been in the news a lot lately, especially due to the controversy centered on vaccinations and the possibility that they could cause autism in children. The medical community has stated that they do not, but parents such as Jenny McCarthy disagree. Parents cannot seem to get through to their doctors anymore. Parents observe a change in their children after the vaccine and the doctors ignore it.
There is nothing more devastating psychologically for a parent of an autistic child than to feel in their gut where the illness started and why and then be shunned by the people they need help from the most, which happen to be their doctors. Parents feel powerless as they watch their children trapped in a world inside of their heads, isolated from the outside world, and often unable to communicate their very needs. These parents must fight for their children’s rights and they must fight for their children’s ability to have as normal a life as they possibly can.
Parents of autistic children are incredible individuals who must have the patience of Job. If there are days that they feel down and out of it, they cannot show it; at least this is their understanding. They have to be strong for their children’s sake. However, they often take it to the extreme.
There is a quality about caregivers, they are “so loving” and give so much care that they forget that they too need care. They often isolate themselves from a social life, rarely associating with other parents. After all they have nothing in common with parents of normal functioning children. When one mother brags about her infant smiled for the first time, can a parent of an autistic child then comment how her child is 8 years old and has yet to smile? Who can relate to that? Or, when another mother proudly says that her 8 year old helped her bake cookies earlier that day, can the parent of an autistic child then reply that her 10 year old screamed non stop for 2 hours and banged his against the wall for another hour earlier on that day? There just does not seem to be any common denominator for these parents to share their experiences with parents of normal children and there is no one more aware of that than the parent of an autistic child.
Autism is a developmental disorder, which affects the body’s sensory system. These children have difficulty communicating with the world. Now imagine being a parent of an autistic child and not being able to communicate your concerns about your child with your friends or your doctor and worst of all not being able to communicate with your own child. As a parent can you begin to imagine if you could not hug or kiss your child and him or her respond in kind? The reality for autistic children and parents of autistic children is so different than the reality of parenthood, which most parents can understand.
Symptoms of Autism
According the DSM-IV – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there are 12 symptoms and an individual must exhibit at least half of them to get the diagnosis. I would not be able to list all 12 here, but any one wanting further information can Google it. I will provide just a few to give an idea of the magnitude of the disorder.
Social interaction
Autistic children or adults have difficulty developing good social skills. There nonverbal behaviors such as smiling, nodding and so on are impaired. They have problems in developing peer friendships. They are not spontaneous in joining in the interests of others, for example playing and sharing toys, and they are unable to exhibit social or emotional sharing.
Communication
Another huge category is communication, here we have children and adults who are unable to talk or they have impaired language development. In the case of autistic individuals who can talk, their speech is limited, repetitive, and does not necessarily flow in a conversation. http://www.autism.org/dsm.html
Medical breakthrough
In January 2007, a little autistic boy with a big blue hug made Montreal CTV news. Jason Goldsmith reported to CTV that he was never able to get through to his son. He said Ellis did not show any difference between his parents or the furniture. No doubt the Goldsmiths’ were heartbroken and so frustrated, until a major breakthrough occurred. Ellis found a median to communicate and he did it through his drawings. With the help of an art therapist, Ellis was able to draw a big blue hug to show his father what he wanted from him.
Ellis has shown the world that he does need and want love. He has shown his father that there is always hope and he can be reached. There is a little person inside that shell and that little person wants so much to be understood.
If anyone is interested in the Ellis’s story, his father has created a website: http://www.thebigbluehug.com/
Different levels of autistic impairment
There are of course several levels of autism and some children will be more functional than others. I recently had the privilege in sharing in the joy a personal friend of mine has with two autistic sons when his 21-year-old autistic son graduated from high school. The joy of this father and the pride he displayed is priceless. I admire my friend and I take pride in his son’s accomplishments. I also know how hard this man has worked to get his boys up to the level of functioning that they are experiencing at this moment. My friend Joe is a parent among parents and a model for all caregivers.
Jason Goldman thought his son did not know the difference between his parents and the couch. He soon found that his son knew the difference; he just did not know how to show it. My friend believed in the potential of his boys from the very beginning and his boys responded in kind. The children are different and their level of functioning is different. Even though they are boxed in the category of autism they have proven that we should never box them in further by our own biases and misunderstanding of the disorder. We must always keep an open mind and constantly find ways of making their lives better.
The message here is never to give up. Give your autistic child the benefit of the doubt. Though you may not know what is locked up in his or her mind, your love and guidance, such as displayed by my friend Joe on a daily basis is what will make your child’s life worth living. That psychological support will carry your children through their entire lives, even they do not appear to be able to reciprocate.
