The art of being a good guest is something we should all learn and practice everytime we are asked to be a guest for a function or for a visit at someone’s home. My mother, "Big Ann," was a true lady when it came to guest etiquette, and she made sure we all knew the art form. There are some basic rules you need to follow, old and new!
We will start with the invite; when invited and you accept (or R.S.V.P), you are expected to show up; and if you are unable to attend, then a 24 hour notice is a must! Any less is considered rude, and improper. There are exceptions, however they are few and far between. Never attend a function, visit, or have persons over for a visit if you are ill. Never arrive late, or more than 15 minutes early unless you will need to be seated at a wedding or other event. Always R.S.V.P. any invitation, whether you plan to attend or not–let the host know!
If you invite a guest to accompany you to an event and it requires a special dress like a show at the opera be prepared to rent the Tux for the man or offer to buy / rent your date a dress for the event. If your date happens to wear something inappropriate, it falls on you not them, and they will feel very badly about the result of not knowing better. Proper attire is a must in many situations; be ready to spend a bit of cash if you expect the event to be a success for you and your guest.
When you have a pet, it is always proper to ask before you take it to another’s home. If people are coming to your home, pets should be confined to another room. They should NEVER be allowed around food, or be fed from the table during meals. We all love our pets, however not everyone is comfortable around pets, and they should be respected. Pets should always behave, and children must be supervised at all times when around any pet! Never allow a child to torment or disrespect any pet. When visiting, if your host allows you to bring your pet, they must never be allowed on furniture or to sleep in the bed, ever! They must never get in any pool when they have been invited, unless the host allows their own pets to do so. Even then it could offend others. If you take your pet to a home or setting where other animals are present, they must get along and should never be left unsupervised. Remember you are always responsible for damage to property, people, or other animals, and it can be very costly–and it is you who will answer for mistakes or damages.
Your home should always be clean and orderly when entertaining. If a guest is in your home, they should be shown around, where they will sleep, which bathroom to use, where the towels are, etc.; where the kitchen is and to help themselves if you are not available. If the guest has a special-needs diet try to accommodate them for the visit. Or as the guest, tell the host you would need to bring some things to make your visit easier on them.
If pets are involved your guests should be made aware of any dangerous situations that may be avoided. Some pets are protective, so even a friendly gesture such as a hug can be misunderstood by pets. I own a dog "Rocco" and he is the best but he knows his place, I have spent much time and money to assure he is well behaved and controllable in any situation. There is nothing more uncomfortable for a guest than to be around a badly-behaved pet.
Never smoke in a home unless you ask! If you must smoke outside, do not throw butts in the yard or place in pot plants; I suggest that if you smoke you should take your own ashtray. If you have guests that do not smoke: #1 air out the home, #2 use some air-refresher, #3 do not smoke in the home while the guests are visiting.
Anytime a bed is required, as the host be sure linens are clean and fresh for the guest. As a guest, it’s polite to strip the bed as you leave and place used linens nicely folded on the foot of the bed. If a housekeeper is employed leave them a tip of $5 per day on the dresser or nightstand, and a card expressing "Thanks for service" is a nice touch! This is also what should be done in Hotels, for good service! You as a guest should also wipe down the bath before you leave, this is just proper.
If you are invited to a dinner party (or any party), a hostess / host gift makes a great impression and is always welcomed. I suggest a bottle of wine if appropriate; perhaps a gourmet gift basket, or a basket of bath items. You may also take flowers or candies. Knowing the host is important, so if you are the guest of a guest always ask what they may like and present the gift as if it is from both of you as a "Thank You" for being invited. Never leave a party without saying good-byes, and follow up within 3 days with a thank you card, or a personal call to the host. Always compliment the great time you had, and anything special you enjoyed at the event. Sometimes I take a CD of music as a gift, just make sure it is something classy! I also suggest it be something you can talk to the host about, it is a great way to break the ice on a first introduction.
Watch liquor consumption, never get drunk! It is always proper to have control of oneself in any situation! Avoid conflict! Do not discuss religion, politics, or gossip about others! Keep all conversations civil, and never be the expert who knows more than the host, sometimes it is hard but hold your tongue, as the polite and correct thing to do. If you are uncomfortable with a conversation, just excuse yourself–they will get the message. Be responsible for anyone you may take to a party, their actions reflect on you! Never overstay your welcome, never be the last to leave, and NEVER leave someone you took to a party! They are YOUR responsibility! Offer a ride home to someone who may have had a bit too much to drink, even if it is out of the way. If you are the host, take their keys and pay for a cab for them–after all, you gave them the drinks! It is never proper to ask for a drink for the road and it is against the law to drink and drive!
Offering to help is great, but if the host says "no thanks," stay out of their way, especially if it is in the kitchen! Do always offer some help at the end of a meal. Just another set of hands for 10 minutes will be a great help. Offer to assist with the collection of glasses, just any help makes you a good guest, but be sure you have permission to do so. If (your) children are involved, clean up after them; never allow toys to be left out. If in a restaurant, it is NEVER proper to allow children to make a mess at the table, you must always clean up after the child! No waiter should ever be expected to do so after you leave! Be sure to clean the floor as well.
Try to never make off color comments, or act like a pervert; sexual comments are NEVER welcomed . . . your reputation is all you have. Protect it! Do not get caught up in the moment and tell a joke that may offend any race, religion, group, person, or just be in poor taste! Jokes are a tricky subject, keep them in good taste! Never comment on body parts of another guest–or on an outfit unless it is truly a compliment, and even if the food or wine is not to your liking, be gracious!
Always take into thought the financial situation of your guest / host. If you make plans to go out on the town, to a theme park, or any event, either offer to pay their way or if they are expected to pay be sure they can afford it, and understand the cost up front! Children are always to be considered, when plans are made. If they are not invited to take part, be sure a sitter is prearranged. If they are guests in your home this is your responsibility & you also pay, not your guest! You should also know the agenda planned so as to bring the correct clothing; as the host it is up to you to let the guest know of situations for which they may need special attire. Have some coloring books, choices of games or an appropriate video to keep younger guests occupied, and consider their food needs as well.
If you are invited to a bring-a-dish party, ask the host what they need. A party where everyone brings deviled eggs is a disaster! If you are not a cook perhaps some dips and chips, or something premade from a gourmet market is better for you. But never show up empty-handed. And if the party is one where you may invite others, they must also bring a dish or you should bring extra so that they don’t appear to be a free-loader. Never bring extra people to a party unless you ask, and if the host says "no," be understanding. And if you are the host of a party this means you are responsible for everything, so be prepared! Like Santa, make a list and check it twice, or maybe more! Take every opportunity to impress your guest, and always be gracious that they attended, see to their every need, and be the host people will talk about for all the right reasons!
These are just a few things I feel are basics to get you invited back, or get you through a situation as a host. There are no perfect people and few perfect situations in life, but if you follow these rules you will be well prepared. Mother always told us kids, we were a reflection of her, and we had better not ever tarnish her reputation! Yes, I lived in fear for years . . . LOL! But as an adult in the real word I now understand her a bit more, what she meant was behave, and be a good guest! There is never a reason to have to be embarrassed, or say you’re sorry for your actions unless you did something wrong! At the end of the day my mom was right; we are all judged by our actions and the way we treat others, so we should make every effort to be our best in every situation! Thanks, "Big Ann," for another life lesson that has made me a better person.
I guess it rubbed off on us as my sister is General Manager of a Hotel, and I opted to be an event planner and caterer–two jobs that make you the center of attention and you’d better have it right! My best advice is just treat people like you want to be treated. I do hope this "Factoidz" will come in handy for you. Send it to everyone you know and practice it yourself! Now we are all ready to invite guests or to be a guest . . . LOL!
