Taking the time off after a rough relationship is a better gift to give to oneself than any other item one could ever purchase. Of course, one can always buy something expensive, you know, those items that appear to bring momentary happiness; those that will help an individual convince himself or herself that the same will cheer them up. Who does not love electronics, clothing, jewelry, or a new car?
These luxury items can really be of help when your spoon has hit the bottom of the ice cream canister and you have finished your entire stash of sweets hidden in your kitchen cupboard. Oh I almost forgot, and you are still singing the same blues and woes to your friends who are beginning to get pretty tired after listening to the same tune for weeks. Not to mention that they are also the ones who told you that this guy is nothing but trouble. It’s just good that they have yet to start saying, we told you so.
Though let us face it, the ROI of material luxuries is rather low. The shimmering glow will definitely fade when you see your credit card bill.
Giving yourself time off endows you the opportunity to grieve and mend not only from the frustration of the loss but also the frustration of not having what might have been. Be honest. I know that most people who have been in a couple of bad relationships are thinking that their new involvement could well be the one that will bring them sheer happiness.
Almost always, there lies the dormant idea that this time, maybe this will finally be your happily ever after. And even if the person staring back at you is another imperfect individual, you still dared to dream, or should I say, still dared to continue to hope and dream. Regardless of whether one party had committed something unforgivable or he/she had simply realized that the person in front of them is not really the one, each of us needs to grieve to be able to heal and accordingly, move on.
Even if you are the person who opted to break the relationship, you probably have a bunch of feelings such as loss, sadness, disappointment, and perhaps even anger that you need to start all over again and move on. And still hanging unto that dream that you will find your soul mate and that person is indeed out there somewhere. You may even have feelings of guilt. Perhaps you’ve already known from the start that this person is not the one, you just went along with the relationship hoping something would eventually change.
You need time, space and freedom to think about your mistakes, what you may have done differently, what pieces of the puzzle went missing (or probably said pieces were not there in the first place), mend your self-esteem and evaluate what you deserve in a relationship, how do you expect to be treated, and what you can offer to your partner. Until the time and energy through this thinking, is not prepared to move forward and start again. And until you have made the time and effort to think such issues through, you are not yet ready to start a new relationship (because clearly you have yet to move on).
Throughout the course of the relationship, one may have spent too much time on activities that their partner is not quite into. You may have been dragging you feet to watch a monster truck show or a Broadway musical. Now, this is the moment where you can really spend time with yourself, doing the things you want and pursuing your passion. Be it a home improvement, a new job, an exotic vacation, finish reading a stack of books, anything that you have deprived yourself when you were still in the relationship. This is what you call, me time. Grab such opportunity to pick yourself up, dust off the remains of your previous relationship, move on, and start living your own life.
If you have children, you may feel a little guilty for all the times you weren’t able to spend time with them because you were busy with the relationship. Now you can have one-on-a time to really learn and enjoy your relationship with your child.
While one may often long for the intimacy of a close relationship, know that someone will be there come the time you are emotionally and mentally recharged and ready to get involved. You have found a relationship before, you can definitely find one again. And the next time you see it, you’re more confident and more grounded than before.
