There is something to be said for rituals, ceremonies and prayer. These acts, normally with a basis in some form of spirituality, can provide hope, peace and in the case of loss, a sense of closure. Children are just as in need of this process as adults and as caregivers, sharing our spiritual knowledge and beliefs can guide children coping with all forms of pain and trauma.
Rituals and ceremonies have long been a part of our world and a strong coping mechanism as they are based in a belief system. When children are included and taught the understanding behind the ritual or ceremony they are given a life long healthy coping strategy they can utilize again and again if needed. Their participation allows them to both feel a vital part of doing something to perhaps make an often times uncontrollable situation a little more within their realm understanding.
Several years ago, as my former husband and father of my children lay dying, it was important that my children feel as if they had some control. While I was aware there would most probably not be a full recovery, if any, I involved my children in nightly prayer where we each lit a candle for their father and offered to the universe that the highest and best outcome for all involved be made manifest. I let them know that while they certainly wanted their dad back healthy, it was between their father and God and we could only ask that peace and love surround all of us in the process. Weaving reality and spirituality is a tricky business. We could not rule out a miracle, they do happen, but in asking for the highest and best we ruled in the possibility that it was simply daddy’s time go.
Including children in funerals is often a subject of debate. Certainly infants and toddlers will have difficulty understanding the process, but older children can and should participate to feel that sense of closure necessary as the healing process takes hold. They need to be able to be a part of saying goodbye for now to their loved one, perhaps even offer their own prayer. In the case of death it affords an opportunity for the caregiver to share the spiritual belief system and open discussion about what happens when one passes.
When children are learning to cope with other life situations, including prayer and ritual can offer an important step in the healing process. As adults we can see where these might best fit. Offering our pain and concern to the God of our being is a wonderful way to help children release even some of the pain they may be experiencing. In the act of handing over the pain to a powerful, loving, nurturing God, the child is able to move forward, knowing that God things has under control.
No matter what faith or spiritual belief system you adhere to and no matter what issues your child is trying to cope with, creating a spiritual ceremony, ritual or sitting together in prayer about the situation can offer relief and healing. Additionally, you are giving your child a wonderful tool for healthy coping.
