As with any substance addiction, trying to quit can be extremely difficult for the abuser, and even more difficult for those around them.
If you are a friend, family member or partner to a Cocain addict, then you have probably been through a lot already. Finding out your friend had an addiction, then avoiding them because of the bad behaviors they developed during their abuse, and then trying to help them recover.
When you find that your friend is trying to clean up, you might find yourself jumping over mountains to try and help them. You might loan them money, or give them a place to stay. You might take them to their doctors appoints, or help them get groceries and things they need.
Yet, after going through so much, how can you tell if all your efforts will mean anything in the end? What if your friends addiction is not over, and you get screwed? What if they are just using you to keep their addiction going, and you just can’t tell?
It’s a crazy hectic world, and before we get into some tips to telling if your friend has their crack/cocain addiction under control, lets breifly touch over another subject:
Co-Dependence
A Co-dependent, is a person who has an addiction to a person with an addiction. Meaning that you might not do drugs, or have any other truly addictive habits, but you are addicted to helping your friend or partner. You are addicted to trying to push them to be better, or you enable them to continue through your good will and optimism.
It is very easy to become a co-dependent without even realizing it. Asking questions like, "How can I help them?", "How do I know when they’re clean?", "How long does it take for an addict to get better?" These might all seem like helpful questions, but they are usually the questions from either parents of an addict, or the addicts co-dependent.
When you have a friend who is addicted to any substance, your best action, is to distance yourself from them as much as possible. Many addicts will only quit when they have hit rock bottom, or feel truly alone in their drug infested world, and if you continue to be around for them, they will never quite feel the urge to change. Because there is always one person who accepts them and what they are doing. Even if you voice that you don’t like the addiction.
Before you distance yourself, let them know that after they have checked into a rehab, you will come visit. You might even offer them a clean place to live. But only under the circumstance that they do not do any drugs in your home, bring over anyone else who does drugs, or come back to the house high. Also let them know that you would prefer they stop seeing their friends who do drugs as well, otherwise you will just lose your friend as soon as their "friends" get back to them.
Under any circumstance do not lend out: money, debt cards, credit cards, purses, wallets, bill information, internet passwords, bank information, child information, EBT cards, your house keys, your car or keys, checks or anything else that you value or don’t want to be taken for.
Also do not: Purchase them a car, or put one in your name for them. Do not open any new bills with them, even if they say they will pay all or half, do not take them to your work, do not get them a cell phone, do not bail them out, do not pay their tickets or court fee’s, do not pawn anything for them, or help them pawn something, and do not let them sucker you into anything else!
If they are truly your friend, the only thing they should ask of you, is to be a good friend who is willing to be their sober support. No matter what they say they need, or how much they say they need it, or how many times they say they will pay you back, just don’t do it. Tell them you are here to lend an ear, and possibly your couch, after they have sought out for medical attention for their addiction. And only AFTER that has happened, not before.
Now that we have touched on those important subjects, lets talk about some ways to tell if your "someone" is still clean and staying sober.
1. You Are Who You Hang Out With
Okay, you probably know this but just incase. Crack/cocain is not just a drug that suddenly appears out of the ground and is ready to go. It’s not something a single person could just find and use. It’s a social drug, and in order to even get into using or abusing it, you have to be introduced to it by a friend of associate. Often times it is introduced through a little peer pressure, and before you know it you have a new fresh addict.
Also, crack fiends are social creatures. They are interesting in observation, as if a pack of lemmings or prarie dogs. They make their nest, and can breed up to 10 to 15 fledglings a week, who can all stay in the same small nest together for months. Often times one or more the units members may flee the nest, try to make a break for freedom, or they may have other nests that they are part of.
Not only are they able to breed quickly, and live without much personal or material space, they also have a leader. A "King" or "Queen" of the pack, the Alpha Fiend, if you will. That Alpha is in charge of pack safety inside the nest, sending scavangers out for food for the pack, and scheduling different ways to bring in resources.
Resources can be more money, more drugs, or more things around the nest that will help sustain the pack. The Alpha is also often in charge of keeping its members part of the group, as long and as necessary as possible. The members that can get the most drugs, or money, or steal the most items for the pack, are the most prized to the leader, and are often given many ‘perks’ inside the pack.
Although their are ‘ranks’ of sorts, all members are a part of the nest and essentially have the same goal. GET MORE COCAIN. As individuals, crack fiends are often shy, strange people who are considered harmless and without will. As part of a group, these individuals feel valued and are not afriad to do what it takes to get what they want or need.
If a nest loses a member of its pack, no matter how significant, they will do what they can to bring that member back. Whether the member went to jail, ended up in the hospital, went to rehab or just left for a while, it doesn’t matter. This is often because a nest or pack can not sustain itself without enough members, and even if they already have enough, if they didn’t try to keep their members in, they might lose the whole arrangement.
The whole point of this blurb, is to show how complicated the crack addicts life can get, esspecially when they have joined or created a nest. The Alpha and more significant members have most likely done everything they can to try and make your friend feel like they belong with them and no one else. They spent the time listening to their vents and problems, and probably even spent a lot of time helping them get rid of some major problems. They have complimented them and given them lots of easy jobs so that they feel rewarded for being around. They have made them appear to be ’saints’ instead of ‘demons’.
One of the most important things for an addict to do when they want to clean up, is to stop seeing everyone and anyone who had been involved in their world. It doesn’t matter if some of the people weren’t even involved in the pack, or were and didn’t really do the drugs. They are still people who hold a connection to the drugs. Consider their friends to be the "worshippers of the stone". A cult who’s only god is crack.
If they are truly staying sober, they shouldn’t already deleted any numbers to their old friends and associates, and should not have for any reason met with them.
"You are who you hang out with" is a very real statement, and one of your key clues to finding out if they are staying sober and under control.
2. No Control
Another important way to tell if they are staying under control, is to know that they have been totally and completely abstinent from crack or any form of cocain. Often the question is asked, "how much is okay to do and still be under control?", the answer to that question is 0. Not doing the drug at all is the only way to maintain control in your life. There is no safe amount that will let you get away unscathed.
Cocain is not like alcohol or marijuana, where you could have a little and not touch it again for 3 or 4 months. It can and will take you over at any time, and it just isn’t worth the risk. Also, for a recovering addict, it is extremely important to avoid the drug at all costs. No matter how long they have been addicted, or even if they have been clean for several years, any amount can through them right back into the world they just crawled out of.
Abstinance is the only way, and when you and they realize that there is no such thing as the ‘right amount’ or just a ‘little fix’, then you will know they whether or not they are staying sober.
3. Admittance of the Addiction
This should be a given. If your friend or fellow can not accept that they had or have a problem, then they have not truly quit. They may say that they have, or that they want to. They may even admit that they have been doing to much lately, but they actually have to say the words.
"I am/was a Crack/Cocain addict. I WANT to stop."
If they can’t say it, or they get mad when you suggest it. They still have a problem. That problem is denial, and as long as they fail to truly and fully recognize the problem out loud, there is still the potential that they will go back to their ways, Especially since the denial will enable them to believe that the problem is not as bad as it truly is.
If they admit to you that they HAVE and problem, even if they have already quit, and that they WANT to take control of it, not that they are being forced to take care of it, then you are mostly likely viewing a person with conviction enough to quit.
A person who is forced to quit, because of court, a partner, or any other reason that could force a person to quit, most likely will not quit. That because of the universal rule that people do exactly what they want to do. They may lower their intake of the drug, and they may appear to be sober, but they won’t be. Not completely. They are putting on an act for those who are forcing them to quit.
4. Signs of High
Looking out for the signs of a person high on crack/cocain can give you many clues as to if they are staying sober. Knowing some of the most subtle clues can warn you that they might not be staying clean. Just remember that sometimes a person who is recovering can still act a little strange, but not in the same ways as if they were high. Also remember that being high is different for every individual and they may show all or none of these signs that are listed.
They’re High Beams Are On
This is a term used to suggested that the person’s eyes are extremely dilated. Or there pupils are just HUGE! Sometimes depending on how high they might be, the black pupil can engulf the whole iris (the colored part of the eyes), almost giving them a black eye’d look. Remember that each person is different, and it’s important to have seen what their pupils look like when they are sober or not high, before you can judge how dilated their pupils are.
Fast Talk
Because crack/cocain is a stimulant that release dopamine, the person may be feeling euphoric and will probably talk faster or more than they normally would. Again, this is a sign that could only really be seen by someone who has known the addict long enough to know how they would talk normally. A really shy person who hardly says a word, that suddenly starts jabbering your ear off for an hour, would be a big sign.
Extra Sweaty
Because the drug often inhibits the brain from acting the way it should naturally, many other things can go hay wire. Often the person is thinking about so many things at once, or their body is over working itself in another way, that they break out into a sweat easily, and often keep sweating until the high is over. The addict might not even notice this, but a sober friend would.
Exagerated Facial Expressions
This may seem like an odd sign, but it can be tell tale. Often an addict is worried that the people around them might notice they are high. It is a paranioa that is often developed in users who have been abusing for to long and to much, and they know it. It is also something that can be over come by confident addicts who have realized that they are doing this.
The thing to watch for is their reactions as they talk to you, or react to certain situations. Being overly happy that the mail came and grinning from ear to ear for an hour. If they are suprised by something you see it stretched across their face as if they were an actor in a movie. If you get mad at them for something small and you suddenly see suprise, regret, guilt, happiness, and then defensive emotions clearly and dramaticly go across their face after you talk to them, you most likely are noticing this "Exagerations of Facial Expressions".
Fidgeting or Twitching
Often times, those who are high, or even sometimes when they are just thinking about getting high, will find themselves unable to sit still. Some addicts will pick at their fingers, at scabs or bounce their knees.
You will notice that those addicts who have been using for a long time, might have deeply developed pock marks on their face, arms, fingers, toes and other places.
Decreased Sex Drive
Even if the user is excited about the idea of sexual activity, they might find themselves inhibited their while they are high. Males are especially subject to notice when this happens. It is hard for them to maintain an erection, or to fully release. Often leading to a lowering in the sex drive, which will most likely be highly noticable by their partner.
Woman are a bit more deceptive when this happens, as their are no clear ways to see that they are having issues. It can still be a sign from their partner though, if they are not getting sexually intimate as much as they used too.
Space, "The Final Frontier"
Between the fast talking, exagerated expressions, sweating, and everything else going on, you will find a high user to be very spacey. They may talk to you about the greatest thing in their life one moment, and then switch to talking about their abused childhood so fast that you didn;t even realize you had changed subjects.
They may also go from doing the laundry to trying to repaint the bedroom in all of 15 minutes, and then switch to a new task in the middle of those two. Cocain is a stimulant, and makes a person want to do a lot more then they normally would. Even with the good intention of accomplishments, the stimulation can make it hard to focus on one task at a time, or to stay with it till its finished.
If you notice your ’someone’ has gotten to be a bit spacey, they might have fallen off the wagon.
5. Twice As Long
For as long as a user has had an addiction to cocain or any of its derivatives, it can take nearly twice as long to get over them completely. If they have been doing it for 3 months, it might take them 6 to truly be in the clear. If they have been doing it for two years, it might take them 4 fully sober years before they stop thinking about it, or are subject to jumping back into addiction.
If 6 years or more have been taken from their normal lives, they most likely are going to stay hooked, or will always be a risk to going back to their addiction. This is in part to the fact that longterm cocain addictions can change the way their brains function on a normal basis. After so long of having a crack addiction, the person you was knew to be, is not the same person anymore.
They will never be the same person again.
6. Eye Contact
It has been proven time and again that a person with a guilty concious has a hard time looking anyone in the eye. This can be especially true of a user who has tried to quit, or has told everyone that they have quit, when they haven’t really. Or it can be that they have been thinking about it so much that they are still a heavy risk to going out and finding some.
Someone who has truly quit, and is staying clean, and whats to stay sober, will look you in the eye and tell you just that. If they can’t look you in the eye, and have a conversation with you, you will want to watch out.
Drug addictions of any kind can be extremely difficult to get over. Crack is an especially hard drug to get unaddicted to, and one that should be avoided whether you are an addict or a new user. It’s just not worth it!
If you are a friend of an addict, just make sure to avoid be coming a co-dependent. Offer them emotional support and a clean and sober place to hang out. Thats the best thing you can do. Dedicating your time or your life to helping them get better, will only make everything worse. You might not see your friend for a while when they are using, but just remember that when they quit, they will remember who their real friends still are.
