Talking behind someone’s back can be hurtful to that person, and even damage your own reputation by labeling you a gossip. Slander can do even more damage, and that is why it is illegal. It has been wrong since Moses said “thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor” I’m going to teach a couple techniques to recognize and to stop yourself and others’ gossiping.
We all know someone who gossips. But, do we always know exactly what gossip is? Do we know how to stop ourselves and others from doing it? Whether you are eight or eighty, this is some important know-how that comes into play almost every day of our lives. Gossip is as old as sharing news. In the last century, news and gossip could be spread by telephone and television, the century before; telegraph. But long before this technology came around, and to this day to get the word out, just tell-a-woman! –kidding, boys and girls of all ages can be guilty of gossip.
There is a person in my life that talks behind people’s backs more than anyone else I know. She has been doing it as long as I’ve known her, and I’m sure long before I was born…This woman is over eighty years old. Let’s just call her Grandma G. If you know Grandma G. and she knows you, rest assured that she talks about you to everyone else she knows. The closer you are to her, the more she will have to say about you. You’re family? Forget about it! But even if she hardly knows you, she will still make a quick assessment of you, and then turn around and give a report.
Now I opened with a promise to instruct not only how to prevent yourself from gossiping, but also how to stop others. Why then have I just sat and let this woman go on about people, even including my own parents? Am I not a practitioner of what I preach? Am I guilty of gossiping about Grandma G. right now?
Absolutely not –to all of the above! How can this be? Because when Grandma G. opens her mouth to say something about someone, it’s always “Your father is so funny. Boy, does he tell good jokes.” Or, “I just love your mother. She is so talented” and all sorts of other compliments that come out. No one is safe from this woman’s positive and kind words, let alone her love and affection. Talking about someone when they are not around isn’t always hurtful gossip. Sometimes it’s just plain news. But other times it’s something worse; it’s slander.
Slander- Speaking out against someone using false statements. Even saying untrue things about yourself could be considered slander. I also think that sometimes a false statement about someone meant to protect their reputation can be a type of slander that does damage.
Example:
“Joe is very successful at his work. He really loves his job and his boss treats him well.”
If the truth is that Joe is a wage slave, and is dying for a better opportunity to come his way, an untrue statement like this to a potential new and improved employer could get him passed over for the offer he’s been waiting for, and do as much injury as “Joe is a lazy bum, and I wouldn’t hire him to throw a bucket of water on me if I was on fire.”
Gossip- Mischievous, idle talk about someone.
Example:
“Joe up and quit his job. He thinks he’s too good to work for low pay. Something is better than nothing I always say. I guess supporting his family is not his top priority.”
This is all judgmental, insulting conjecture. It is has no use or purpose. Joe isn’t there to defend his character or intentions. The worst part about gossip is that unlike slander, the statements are true…But with a negative spin.
If Grandma G. was telling this story it would be…
News- Accurate information about something that has recently taken place.
It would go something like this:“I feel so bad for Joe; he finally quit that dead end job. It paid so low, and they made him work so many hours he couldn’t even look for anything better, let alone spend anytime with his family. His family means the world to him. I hope they all get through it OK and they’ll all be better off in the long run. Would your company hire a hard worker like Joe?”
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If you speak about someone, be truthful and accurately positive.
- Make sure the information is useful for a good purpose even if it is to solicit a prayer on the person’s behalf.
- Don’t withhold information just because you don’t want to “sound like” you are gossiping.
- If someone is gossiping to you, ignore the spin, or contradict it. Then do something useful with the information, even if it is to pray for the person.
