Everyone wants to put on a good show when they’re in the presence of someone that they are attracted to - and more so on a hot date. In the case of planning most dates people fall back on a cliched dating style that they have been led to believe is guaranteed to impress the pants off of their date. That style is known as The Date Night Millionaire” - a style that tries to emulate the free and easy spending of an oil baron on “E” crossed with the panache and worldly knowing of an aristocratic bon vivant. But why? Where did we learn that this bored old slab of cheese was our best bet? The media of course. Open a magazine or turn on a TV and it will tell you that the rich are more attractive and successful in matters of the heart than the poor. In fact we’re left with the impression that unless we can deliver the bling-bling we’re doomed to be our desired dates second choice to a wealthier, flashier competitor. We’re told we need bottle service with expensive well known champagnes, elite parties of the rich and famous, shiny cars, guest lists, pricey “it spot” restos and a fat roll of one hundred dollar bills to throw down on the night club bar if our date is to succeed. Look, I won’t lie to you, as it turns out the media is sometimes right - a big pricey, over the top night out on the town can really go a long way to getting you where you want to be with your date. But you and a whole bunch of other people just don’t have the scratch for that right now so we need to get Guerrilla on this thing and pull the same result out of a different and much less expensive approach. So let’s start with why the Millionaire approach works. It’s not for the reasons you may think.
You see - male or female - we’re not always sure what we want our dates to be like or even how they’re supposed to play out. We’re anxious about how our choices will be received by our date and worried things might not go well. But we all have our fantasies and we fall back on them when we don’t know what else to do or expect. We know from things we read and things we watch that everyone dreams of suddenly being drawn into an exciting and exotic world - a world nothing like our own - a world where we can escape the confines of our lives to a land full of intrigue and fine things, of princes and parties and excitement and - well - oil barons jacked on E. We look at that information and we figure we could just create a kind of fantastical date night theme along these lines. Depending on your resources and innate creativity you may do just fine. But don’t run out and buy that monocle or platinum tooth just yet. People are also generally not dumb – at least not for long. They know that if they really take the time to sit and think about things and how they feel they would come to realize that a world like this they become boring and empty - even if it took a while to get that way. They would find that they know that what they really want is a meaningful connection with another person. To be seen and heard and appreciated. They want to be understood and accepted and loved for who they are and they want to understand, accept and love someone else that way too. Sure it would be really really cool of that person was an freakishly rich aristocratic bon vivant – but ultimately they want the real stuff.
If you want a date to be both on a budget and successful dwell on that last bit of information for a minute. What many of you will invariably come to realize is that a Millionaire on Date Night approach is not really that conducive to creating an environment where two people can really get into each other’s heads - and hopefully and eventually - beds. All those flashy bottles, hip music and nouveau decor mixed with the required showmanship only serves to distract each of you from whom you are and focus your attentions on that which you’re not. That is why the most successful dates of these types end in post-date romantic walks or late night barefoot splashing in Venetian looking fountains, etc. And there we have it – the flash is not the bang!
All you need to find date night success is a sense of adventure, your natural creativity and the confidence to break free of the old and tired dating play book.
The date style you’re looking for is the kind of date that the Date Night Millionaire has AFTER the party, the club, the flash and the pomp. You’re looking to create a date that has the same price tag and vibe as finding yourselves drinking red wine out of the bottle, barefoot under the moon light by a small fire you just made on the beach - in black evening wear.
You want to recreate the feeling you get by being lost in the walled rose garden of a large country estate at dawn after a whirlwind evening of high roller gambling and fine dining with society.
You want the lapping waves beneath the dock on which you’re now laying having stumbled laughing together off of the yacht you spent the evening eating oysters and drinking vodka on with 200 of your new cirque du soleil friends.
Catching on? The Bling-Bling is really just a lure to hook a date into a real date - the romance and honesty and secrets of the after-date. You, my cash flow starved friends, can go straight to the after-date. The romantic, often natural settings. The long meaningful gazes. The real and heartfelt bargain basement conversations and relatively cheap - though meaningful - recitations of your lives stories and hopes and dreams. All of this can take part at hours of the day when stores and restaurants and most clubs aren’t even open…which are the most romantic and intoxicating times (also cheap times).
You see – you create dates in which you ARE a oil baron on E with the charisma of an aristocratic bon vivant – but this time – not doing the really really really expensive thing. This time doing the thing just after the thing where the real and meaningful things happen.
A blanket, a bottle of wine (or two - keep them under $20.00) and a Zippo lighter are all the ingredients you’ll need for a successful date if you let your creativity run wild.
It also helps if you can glean what flavor of after-date date your date might be into.
Good luck and enjoy your time together on the cheap.
