This is a tough one, to write to see or to live through. Before life beached me more or less in one place, I was more active in the field of missing/abused children, mostly working directly from a foundation in Pinole, California, with families with missing children. I was responsible for press information, and what experience? Well, I organized a craft show for money raising, and stuck around. We found out it was something I could do, and do well. But it was very difficult, not being trained.
I read and read, later working (volunteer again) with a missing child magazine, but learned I worked better alone … and began to write what I needed to, to get safety info out to help. And i learned more about exploited children than I ever wanted to know. It is a tough world out there, At least, we think it is out there. Little do you know, it could be close, closer than you even could imagine, happening in a friends family, or even your own. Hopefully you have been talking to your kids about strangers, and people that aren’t quite strangers, but aren’t quite friends, they may know your name, cause you are with mom and dad…. I know a whole new article, more on that later, this ties in I promise. But you should have been also talking to kids about touching, their personal, private or safety zone, bathing suit area, what ever you feel comfortable calling it. It’s the area that not just anyone should have access to, and it’s you job to let the kids know this. And, it’s you job to ask them, if behaviour indicates something is happening, and you should be concerned. But, don’t show that to your child.
This is not an easy thing to write, but it is an important project to do. If you feel a child in your family has been or could be in a situation that could lead them to be violated you have to ask questions. In the following case the child talked only of having a boyfriend, her boyfriend in bed with her, her dolls were one on top of the other, she would act coy and very over her age when she would get in her parents bed to snuggle, as she would always talk to the invisible boyfriend, in bed with them. She was almost 3. It was time to check into the situation further. Take a deep breath. You can do this You have to do this.
Depending on the age of the child, you will be needing a good approach. With the situation I had, the child was 2 almost 3, and had already been hearing the good touching and not so good touching talks with her mother. The information I had given the mother dealt with letting the child know that there are parts of their body, that are not for everyone to be near, or touched, and if you ever felt funny, tell someone about it. . The kids need to know, it is never your fault, but you need to tell someone like mama, or daddy. If they were wearing a diaper, I had suggested an approach that had worked, and as it happened, the mom was not able to handle talking to the toddler, so I did. And, the child was comfortable with me.
I had told her that it was perfectly fine to have someone they know change her diaper. It would be silly to leave a wet diaper on. She grinned and nodded her head as the mom was trying to potty train her. So, it’s OK to take a diaper off when it is wet. But, then said, that "But, if some one take off the diaper when it was dry, and keep it off. That would be silly, not putting the diaper back on. The child once again nodded and was laughing. I had just finished changing her diaper.
I asked if anyone had ever taken her diaper off when it was wet and then put it back on wet. She said noooooo;….We giggled. I asked if anyone ever took off her diaper when it was dry then left it off. She said yes. My heart sank.
I then asked her if anyone ever did any touching her, in her dry diaper area, when that dry diaper was off, she said yes, then pointed and rested her hand there. I said, "So, that was how" and she said no, and showed me, it was then clear Mom needed to call the police, as she had in fact indicated information she at her age shouldn’t have.
Police Departments, Hospitals, get her/his own pedi if possible, and they will notify child protective services. They have a workable routine for this. Boy that sounds cold and callous, I know. But how else can these emergency personnel cope with what they have to see and do to help families, babies, in these situations. The child’s doctor was a sickened as I was at the appointment.
You do what you can to show support to the parents, and child, or if you are the parents, show support to your child. There will be referral to family services for therapy. The child has done nothing wrong, and you have to leave it to the professionals to do their jobs. There are times when that isn’t enough, but do your best for the child. You may decide to say to the child that if it happens to then, say STOP very loudly. Wiggle around and ask for your diaper to be back on. These days kids have full sets of teeth and know the alphabet before they are potty trained. I think that must come from diaper companies
Giving the kids this help, it could stop a situation before it starts, especially if it is at a daycare center, or babysitter with other people around. Discuss it with the police before you use it. Then, your child may not remember And the probability is you will never need the words. Ever.
keep note pad and pen near
* big chair/couch to be able to talk to the child, snuggle if possible
* if child isn’t yours, or doesn’t feel comfortable being touched, let them sit where they want, you ask where they want you to sit, then do it. don’t breach their boundaries…
