One of the hardest things, for guys and girls alike, is to approach someone you find attractive and startup a conversation. The worst part is, the cuter this guy or gal is, i.e. the more we *want* to talk to this person, the more nervous we become! Well, I’ve been there before, and I’m by no means a pro at this, but I’ve found a few tricks that make it easier to take the plunge and do it!
The key thing to remember is that first impressions count. For men and women alike, those first few seconds upon seeing a new face and exchanging a few words are forever burned into our minds. Therefore, it’s important to focus on making a great first impression, even if we may be nervous inside.
Therefore, the first step, and this goes for both men and women - is to be presentable and project an air of confidence.
Be aware of how you present yourself
We all have a personal style. It comes through in the way we dress, the way we talk, the way we carry ourselves. Whether you’re a hipster, a punk rocker, a preppie, or all about granola - it helps to know who we are first. People will instantly make a judgment about who you are and what you’re like based on how you present yourself.
So the first step is to know your style and decide whether or not you’re an appropriate “match” for them. So if you just got out of a punk rock concert and are sporting your leather and nosering, and see an attractive man / woman who’s wearing a sophisticated business suit - just recognize that you may have an uphill battle in making the right first impression. This is not to say that you should never approach in this circumstance, but just be aware of the effect that first impressions have on people
Starting the conversation
They say the best conversationalists are the best listeners. This principle holds true in approaching prospective dates as well! Not that you should just go up and be silent trying listen to this person, that would probably freak them out. But start by trying to notice things about them. Look at things like their mood and personality. Are they happy and outgoing, or bored and shy? If they are looking around the room, what kind of things catch their eye?
Are they wearing something, doing something, holding something, anything that would give you a clue about their interests or personality? The more perceptive you can be about them, your chances vastly increase of striking up a good conversation with them. And the more they think that you have in common with them, the greater the potential success of your approach, both short and long term!
When you make your approach, start by saying something that relates to what you may have observed about them. Try to be as original as possible and if possible, start with a topic that you have some knowledge or interest in. This will make the conversation genuine, of interest to both people, rather than an explicit attempt to pick someone up (although this may be the final goal!)
Couple things to look out for. First, no cheesy pickup lines! We’ve all heard them before, and they don’t work. Also, sometimes people have an inexplicable tendency to want to talk about the things they don’t know about. “Hey this is a great bar, I’ve never been here before.” Or “Wow, what is that movie they’re playing up there on the screen?” While this is an easy way to strike up a conversation, it can make you look dumb and uninteresting. Best to start with a topic in which you can contribute an interesting insight or comment - it will work wonders in making your approach more successful.
Be yourself
I can’t stress how important this is! Don’t try to impress people by being something you are not, or by showing them something you think they want to see. Show them who you really are. People have a great instinct to detect BS - so don’t try to fool them. The strongest and deepest bonds are built upon honesty and integrity. People often instinctively know if you are putting on a facade or not.
Approaching when there’s a group of friends
This can be a challenging situation - when the person you want to talk to is among a group of friends. The potential for embarrassment is way higher, and with so many other variables in the picture, there are more things that can go wrong.
The most ideal scenario is to wait for a moment when your target is alone, or at least not engaged in conversation with the group. If you can subtlely strike up a conversation at this point, great.
But sometimes, you’ll have to make an approach to a whole group. In my experience, the best way to do this is to approach the group as a whole. Introduce yourself to the group and be friendly with everyone, often you can integrate yourself into the conversation, and slowly make your way over to your desired party and make direct one-on-one conversation. This approach is much easier and more effective than making it obvious that you’re picking up on one member of the group. That may be perceived negatively by some in the group and make your job much harder.
Practice makes perfect
Approaching people is one of the hardest social situations to master. But as with everything else, the more you do it, the better you’ll become at it. So just try it out - the worst thing that can happen is that you get rejected. But wouldn’t you rather have that happen than go home not having tried at all? So go for it, and good luck
