How to argue effectively

Do you have trouble getting your point across in an argument because you become emotional? Do you sometimes wish you could communicate more effectively? Do you have good points, that come out confused?

Here are some tips for keeping your cool, and communicating effectively when you’re having a “lively discussion.”

• Be involved in the conversation on a very focussed level. A lot of people, when they’re upset or angry, think of what they are going to say next, what they are feeling, and allow their emotions to spiral out of control as they lose focus. Think very clearly about what the other party is saying. Listen, so that when you respond, it is pertinent and well-thought out.
• Focus on your breathing. Breathing is a trigger for distress in the body. When you are upset, your breathing pattern will change - it will speed up, and this triggers a chain of distress in your body and thourghout your psyche. By slowing down your breathing, you will stay calmer, more focused, and in turn make smarter points.
• Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Have you ever been in an argument where the other person is repeatedly saying “You do this, you do that.” They are just trying to communicate their issues to you, but this is not effective. It leaves the other party feeling attacked, even if that was not your intention. By changing “You” statements into “i” statements, the other party in the argument is more likely to be receptive to what you have to say. For instance, “You were late again, you’re always late, making me late, and you are so irresponsible” can be changed to be much more effective. Changing it to “I understand that it was not your intention to be late, but I hope you understand, it makes me feel stressed out when I am late.”
• Take a moment to think, if you need to. Things can seem supercharged in an argument, but taking a moment to think is likely to benefit you when you need it. The power of silence is also a great tool. It gives the other party time to slow down, think more about what’s going on. Saying “Would you mind if I took a moment to digest what you just said before I respond?” works. A lot of the time, the other party will break into your moment of silence with more points. This is fine too. They are essentially arguing with themselves now, sorting things out for the both of you.

These are just some general guidelines for communicating effectively. The most important thing to remember is to remain calm, rational and speak logically.