When two people meet, hopefully become good friends before falling in love and getting married, there is something in the air that makes it seem all perfect. When that happy marriage seems to start deteriorating, the couples either start denying what is really happening, and the fighting and bickering is continual which does not solve any problems. Actually all the problems seem to escalate as the fighting most times leads to issues that are not really the problems at hand.
There is no question that any relationship requires a lot of work and commitment from both people involved in order to have long term success. That successful relationship is not going to be perfect once the “honeymoon is over” and the reality of everyday life and difficulties sets in. That is why communication is the number one factor in any successful relationship both verbal and in actions, for they do say “Actions speak louder than words”. That is true in many ways.
When divorce is a possibility, the communication lines have definitely been severed but it is not impossible to recreate them if the willingness and the love is still there between both partners. In order to regain the love and respect that once prospered in your marriage you must first identify and communicate what the real problem is because you cannot resolve issues if you do not know or even want to acknowledge what got you both to this point.
Sharing feelings opens those lines of communication to begin a journey through rediscovery and reestablishing understanding. How does your partner know there is a problem if you hold all your feelings in until you want to explode . . . at which point it is so elevated and your partner is caught off guard and in defensive mode.
Be completely honest with each other or else the relationship will suffer further because of some unresolved “baggage”. Of course, there will be disagreements at this point of honesty but the best gift you can give each other in the long run is your honesty which leads to trust.
Sometimes just getting away from the normal routine to work through things can help; a short trip, vacation, trying a new hobby outside of the home together, to try to recreate and rekindle your bond of why you got married in the first place can help. This will not work by itself but together with the suggestions presented above.
It is no doubt that outside help and intervention is necessary sometimes, and you should not feel ashamed if you do need to reach out. If you feel it necessitates getting some counseling at the cost of your marriage, by all means that is a very important and noble step. The techniques that counselors use are designed to bring the best out in couples.
In most cases one or even both of you really do not want to divorce so be sure to keep an open mind and do all you can to re-establish that relationship you were expressing the day you said “I do”. Make an effort to save some of your energy each and every day to communicate with your spouse after a long hard day at work or home. It may actually help you to unwind, instead of rerunning the day’s hassles in your mind, to put those things out of your mind and concentrate on something else, like your spouse, what they did today, and what was important in their day. Showing interest in the other is always a step closer towards effective communication.
