With the popularity of Barack Obama, many average citizens are wondering to themselves, “How too can I be a Messiah?”. Whether you want to be God because you are tired of the same staid 10 Commandments thinking there are way too many and some are so hard to comply with like that murder one (so inconvenient). Perhaps you think there aren’t enough like there ought to be a commandment about hot dogs and buns being sold in equal numbers or perhaps you want the respect of others and enjoy watching animal sacrifice. Maybe you just don’t like spiders and would prefer tribbles or ewoks as their replacement. Maybe you just hate paying income tax. All of these are perfectly acceptable reasons for being God. The biggest problem obviously is that the position is occupied but once you persuade the current God Jehovah to step down then the rest is a cake walk.
First, start small. Many a God has made the fledgling mistake of creating a new world or species but that only leads to terrible mistakes like New Jersey or the Back Street Boys. I suggest starting out with something simple like a really good latte’ or perhaps a new James Bond. You might get a little more bold maybe putting an ex’s head on a chicken or something like that. Some thought should be given to being a merciful or a vengeful God. It doesn’t really matter but being wishy-washy is quite confusing for mortals. You might want to consider putting out some guidelines for your followers, perhaps on Twitter or Factoidz.com. It’s good to recruit some type of authority figures on earth to handle the menial duties. I recommend recruiting some great songwriters to come up with some really rockin’ hymns, but that’s just me. You might like worship services that are more subdued. You could allow others to be gods too but you remember all the problems with Mt. Olympus. I think the monotheistic approach is best otherwise you’ll be aruing over what color to paint the sky, etc. Some things just don’t work well by committee; just look at Congress. You might rethink the whole Hell/Hades policy. There are a lot of people that have been there for quite a while without a trial. It’s like a cosmic Gitmo. The devil is a useful assistant to watch the undesirables but it obviously would call into question your motives if you are to continue the free will doctrine then punish those who exercise it against YOUR will. I think a lot of thought should be given to your name. If you have a rather lengthy name, it will eliminate or at least cut down on those saying it in vain. I would recommend something that can’t be abbreviated, perhaps a long string of numbers like 32424413244429 or a symbol(it worked for Prince! Sorta!). The best advice is when you are God, just have fun with it and be yourself. Who’s gonna stop you?
