There are many of us out there, those people who would like people to think we are better with computers than we are. Maybe your a guy trying to convince a woman that you have a future, maybe your a chick who just wants to intimidate guys who stare at your rack. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor, nor am i a computer tech , but you wouldn’t know it by talking to me, and here’s why!
5. Research: Go to your local Best Buy, and look through every aisle in the computer section, and take note of the brand names. Popular names at the time of printing are: Linksys, AMD, Nvidia, Dell, HP, Intel. Maxtor, and of course, Windows, Mac, and Linux. Remember Linux especially, it will come up later in the lesson.
4. More Research!: Once you have looked through the various brands, find the most expensive computer they have for sale, but never tell people what it is. Memorize the specs. (they are usually on a little card you can take home and memorize in times of heightened stress!) then, when people ask what you use, tell them you built your own, and give those figures.
3. Learn Some Lingo: Google key words and phrases like RAM, ROM, Hard Drive, CPU and measures of each, be it bits, bytes, and hertz. Also find words like Firefox, distro, 404, specs, Motherboard, blu-ray, burner, and light-scribe. Another two words to live by are Hardware and Software. An easy way to remember which is which is hardware is in the computer, software is on it. when someone questions you about one, tell them you specialty is the other.
2. Linux: This word means NOTHING to you, as it shouldn’t, it means nothing to me either, but to that select few that would stand to question your computer prowess, this word will have one of two effects. the first is utter bewilderment. They won’t know what to say, and will concede to you that you know what you are talking about. The other is much more dangerous. This one will immediately engage you in rapt conversation about what distro you use, and other questions like that. Remain calm. Play it cool. Tell them you use any combination of a color and a noun. When they question the fact that they have never heard of it, tell them it’s in beta, and that it should hit the net in a few months. If they continue to pester, tell them that you are not allowed to discuss it due to the usage rights agreement.
1. Be Confident!: Cheesy yes, but a necessity if you are to fleece the masses. You must rebelieve your own hype and take pride in your lie. You will need all that self confidence should it hit the fan. But, with a little work and research, that should never happen. As long as you keep learning, always listen to your new brethren for new lingo. It’s OK to seem unsure about a new thing, but NEVER be caught unawares about the same thing twice. Follow these simple steps and people will be respecting you in no time.
