I’ve gotten lots of dates in the past. But more importantly, I’ve had even more rejection before that. The tips I’m going to give you are so universal that if you want, you can even use them in most sales situations, too!
The first and most critical thing is the ice breaker. This comes from the fact that for pretty much all of our youth, we’re told never to talk to strangers. You need to develop a positive, natural, and honest first thing to say to the other person so that it gives them a reason to talk back and feel comfortable doing so.
Examples:
“Hi”
“I’ve been noticing you for a little while now and I just have to say you made a great choice in wearing that <piece of clothing> tonight. It really compliments your <body part <NON-sexual, unless that’s your personality>>”
“I have something to admit… I’ve been watching you for way too long ’cause I couldn’t think of a good ice breaker… and this is it. Hi!”
The important things are making it natural, making it charming in some way, and not resorting right away to lines with a sexual connotation because they’ve probably heard it already! Like, five times that night! If you turn yourself into “just another” then your hopes are gravely diminished!
Next thing is small talk. You can use the “you come here often” if you’re nervous, but again, probably been used that night. Something to start talking about that would work better is “what’re you drinking tonight?” or “let’s see your best dance move!” From there, the usual “so what do you do for work?” and “you come here with your friends?” are fine. Avoid talking about religion, politics, anything that the other person may end up having a strong opinion about.
If within the first 5 minutes or so of conversation the other person is still seeming positive, take the conversation somewhere better if necessary. If it’s in a loud club, go grab some air outside with them. If it’s a quiet pub, then keep chatting.
While chatting, keep an eye for lack of interest in the topic and or you. Anything from breaking eye contact, frowning, looking elsewhere. First try talking about a different topic. If interest doesn’t come back still, after about a total of 5-10 minutes, simply say “it’s been great chatting with you and have yourself a good night.” It’s a polite way of saying well I’m not friggin’ interested in you, either! Then walk away and move onto the next person. Worst case scenario, you find someone else and that original person might even come up and apologize for the way they acted earlier and explain why they did it. Best case scenario, you’ve avoided wasting both of your time getting to know someone that there’s no future in.
Now that you’ve been chatting with the same person for about 10-15 minutes, don’t be afraid to go in for the phone number. Start with a compliment, then something charming and witty, and ask for the number. It also depends on what your goals are for the evening. If you’re wanting to get a few numbers that night, move on to the next person. If you’re wanting to find only one really great person, then keep chatting with them after.
Examples:
“It’s been great getting to know you, you’re easily the most interesting person I’ve met tonight! Not to be too forward, but is it okay if I get your number now before we both get too drunk to remember? I’m still wanting to chat with you right now!”
“Man, you’ve made this a great night so far! Oh, before I forget, could I get your number? You can write it on my hand, I could put it in my phone, I can get a skywriter to write it out so I remember to look for it later, entirely up to you! Great! I’m headin’ back out to the dance floor, hopefully we bump into each other before the night is over!”
Now you’ve got the number. Congrats! Depending on the impression you got from them about their interest when you were chatting with them, you should call them from 1-4 days after getting the number. Call them the next day if they were really interested in you, and if they were less interested in you, stretch it out closer to 4 days. It just gives them the chance to grow more interested in you. Then, call them, and book a first date!
What you do on the first date… is now entirely up to you.
