While you’re pinching pennies by comparison-shopping to save $2.39 on your printed cocktail napkins to keep your wedding budget in line–as well you should, because every little bit helps, be aware that there’s at least one bigger-ticket item which has become a wedding ‘staple’ that you really CAN do without. And it is: the D.J.
Oh, I know, I know: the D.J. can not only play music, but can call attention to things like cutting the cake, and announce the First Dance, and generally keep your wedding flowing on schedule. And since they’ve done it dozens of times, they’ve become adept at doing it smoothly. And yes, everybody has been having a D.J. for the past 10 years, since it became the latest great wedding novelty, so how can you NOT? (Close your eyes and imagine your mother’s voice saying “If ‘everybody’ jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?”)
But really - isn’t there someone among your relatives and friends who does a fair amount of presentations, public speaking or running meetings in their work life? Maybe even one of the dads, a groomsman or a bridesmaid? (Since the Father of the Bride is most often the “host” of the wedding, the role is a natural for him, if he’s comfortable with it. If not, this would be a chance to give the groom’s father an actual role in your wedding.) You just need one person who can behave tastefully, is not self-conscious speaking in front of a group, can read your wedding program, tell time and run a laptop. (Loading your music to a laptop or IPOD is far preferable to a CD player, which can skip if bumped.) So then, all this person needs is: a microphone. (And you need that anyway, for toasts.) So rent or borrow a microphone and approach this person to ask if they would consider acting as the M.C. at your wedding. (DO NOT ASK someone who has the skills but is not 100% reliable or committed about the request.) Make sure they receive and take the time to go over your program beforehand, getting an idea of the “time flow” of your event, so they will feel confident about what they’re going to say and when.
If your venue doesn’t have speakers or a P.A. system, almost certainly either you or someone you know has a perfectly adequate set of speakers that they will loan you. Think groomsmen! (Men DO love their speakers!) And those groomsmen can be wiring everything up during the extra time you and your bridesmaids need to primp, instead of standing around punching each other in the arm.
Consider: for the price of renting a microphone–or free, if you can borrow one–you can blow off on average between $400-900 for a D.J. That money would pay for your dress. Or your flowers. Or the tuxedos for the men.
There are only a few critical, brief announcements** needed at a wedding, and here are some abbreviated “recipes” for them:
• About half an hour into the reception (most conveniently when people will be seated for dininganyway), the M.C. should cue the service people that: it’s time for the champagne or sparkling cider–then it’s time to announce that the Best Man (and give his name) would like to offer a toast to the new couple; next, introduce the Maid or Matron of Honor for her toast; and then the Father of the Bride. After the Father of the Bride, ask if anyone else would like to offer their congratulations, until nobody else does.
• When the cake is about to be cut, announce that fact. The couple’s toast that follows doesn’t need a special announcement, since they simply move from one to the other.
• When it’s time, usually after the couple’s toast, announce that “Mr. and Mrs. _______ will start off the dancing with their First Dance.” The next dance that follows will be introduced with “The Bride and her Father will now share a dance,” and finally, “The Groom would now like to share a dance with his Mother.”
• Announcement of the bouquet toss (first) and then the garter throw (which may each have a specific song selected to accompany them.) This can be done midway between the end of the special dances and departure time, or as a direct lead-up to departure itself. Some brides simply toss their bouquets without announcement or fanfare as they leave the venue.
• And finally, as departure time approaches, “Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bride and Groom are preparing to depart–if you would care to see them out . . . .”
** Obviously, there would be other announcements if there are additional special elements, such as the Victorian custom of bridesmaids pulling charms from the cake; a brief time when something special, such as a cigar bar, will be open; or special dances, such as the “Money Dance,” “Chicken Dance,” or a special dance such as the Tarantella or Macarena that may require a little instruction or explanation.
But wait! I can hear the obvious argument forming now: where will I get all the music for several hours of festivity? Don’t I need the whole big catalogue of music that comes with a D.J.? No. You don’t. (Another blessing: as there will be no D.J. to ask, there will be no audience “requests.”) In the same way that you’ve been saving money by investing your own time and effort into wedding, you can get your music for free or very little, in a number of ways.
First of all, realize that the actual dance time at your reception that you need to fill is NOT going to be as many hours as you think. Divide your event time into segments: you will want 1 hour of light-hearted classical or easy-listening romantic music playing when your guests arrive, working into one song that will put everybody in the wedding party on notice as the “get on your mark” song–this song needs to be long enough to ALLOW everyone to get in place–followed directly by the processional song for the bridesmaids and Wagner’s Bridal Chorus or whatever the Bride has chosen for her own walk up the aisle. It’s a good idea to plan an hour’s worth of music leading right up to the altar–you can begin the music an hour before “showtime” and use it to keep things on schedule. (Note that “on schedule” means about 15 minutes AFTER the time that it states on your invitations, to allow for stragglers, bad traffic, parking issues, etc.–if your invitation says “4:00 pm.,” start your hour of music at 3:15.) You will need someone (sometimes the venue manager will agree to do this, or a cousin who doesn’t mind watching from the background near the laptop) available to stop the music when you reach the altar, and to re-start the music after you are introduced as husband and wife, with The Wedding March or other recessional piece, then moving again toward another hour of easy-listening music (or retro-cocktail music, Frank Sinatra, etc.) to allow the couple, parents and wedding party to regroup into any kind of greeting line they’ve planned (consider being kind to your guests and limiting it to ONLY the couple and parents; everyone’s feet will thank you). For your brunch, lunch, or dinner time, or mingling time if you are doing “heavy hors d’oevres” fare, you will want music that people can visit over. If the music is still playing and it feels like the time is right for toasts, simply stop it.
Musically, next will come the “special dances” that the M.C. will announce–the First Dance, Father-Daughter and Mother-Son Dance. Without going to the huge amount of stress and preparation that is becoming very “in,” with couples doing professional-caliber, extremely athletic dance numbers as their “First Dance” to amaze their guests, one bride had the a very do-able alternative: she talked the groomsmen into putting together a minimally-choregraphed dance routine, which she dedicated to her groom just after the Mother-Son Dance. It was done to the bump and grind of “Another One Bites the Dust” and was a huge hit–and neither she nor the groom had to break a sweat.
After the “Special Dances,” about two hours’ worth of dance music will be all you need–in fact, probably more than you need, since you will be taking time out to throw the bouquet and toss the garter (for which you may choose to have individual, “special” songs–or not.
So, how to get your songs for–well, a song?
First off, don’t rule out parents as great sources of light classical, easy-listening romance, or retro cocktail music. The main drawback might be that it may not be in a format that you can use. Even so, it can help you select pieces you like or don’t like, for background music immediately before and after the ceremony. If they’ve updated to a CD player, they may have just enough classical music on hand to pick a couple of pieces from each of several albums to lead up to the ceremony itself. If not, Google “O’Neill Brothers.” You’ll be able to buy an album of lovely piano pieces that will certainly provide the lead-up music to your ceremony, for a modest price, and you can listen to snippets of each piece, or even purchase only individual pieces that you like. This is also where you can find the real classics such as Bridal Chorus by Wagner and The Wedding March by Mendelssohn, if you wish to have truly traditional pieces for the ceremony only. (The O’Neill brothers are also available as downloads from Amazon.com .)
One bride that I know sent out an e-mail asking her co-workers to send her any music that they had in electronic form that they thought would be good for a wedding, whether romantic or just for dancing. In less than a week, from her small office of less than 10 people, she received much more music than she needed–but then, of course, she didn’t like all of it, either. Still, she acquired enough that she got plenty of romantic, lively, and fun pieces that she may have never thought of herself. She and the groom had made a list of what they considered to be “must-haves,” and there were only a few that she didn’t receive, which they then purchased from iTunes or Amazon.com.
Another bride used the guise of needing help to think of a song for her own “First Dance” to ask both sets of parents–and close friends and relatives from both families–what THEY had danced to, or if they had a “special” song; she also queried married members of the wedding party and other "couples" friends, and asked if they had a copy of “their” song. Many people had copies of their special songs that they were able to give her on CD or by e-mail–and she did purchase a few online. She then worked all of these “special songs” into her music for the evening, much of which was also collected from friends–as a sentimental nod to those couples. The couples were very touched.
Many groomsmen are audiophiles and have large libraries of music either on CD and/or on their iPods–and very likely have friends who have a great deal of music, as well. This is one part of wedding preparation that bridegrooms will sometimes be very happy to embrace; if your guy is one of them, set him to the task of accumulating music and checking to see if there’s a microphone and/or speakers available for borrow among his friends. Again, you can come away with most of your dance music, and likely only have to purchase a few slower, more romantic (or “must-have”) pieces for mixing in.
You will almost certainly be having one or more wedding showers in the weeks leading up to your wedding. People will be asking the hostess for ideas as to what to get you; let it slip that you’d really like an i-Tunes or Amazon.com gift card. Or if you have a couples’ shower, this is the kind of gift a guy might be happier giving than checking your registry to pick among wine glasses and toasters. Or go ahead and let them buy that toaster at Amazon, then return it and buy music. So you’ll get one less wedding gift: you’ll be getting your music for free.
And, music IS a gift that keeps on giving. When you’re figuring out the order of the songs for your dinner-music, think what a jump this will give you on selecting music when you have company for dinner or drinks in the future; you will also have a great selection of dance music on hand for a party; you can burn a CD of just your very favorites and always play it on your anniversary. And, your parents (and maybe grandparents) might love a copy as well–a very thoughtful little gift for the next birthday or holiday following the wedding, especially if you’re a bit strapped for cash like most newlyweds.
So, you could spend a lot for a D.J. who will give you the same thing he gives everyone else and charges you a bundle, or you might invest just a little to get exactly every song you want, that you can enjoy again whenever you want to–and maybe even overhear your grandma telling your dad how proud she was of him at your wedding, and tickle her pink to get a copy of your wedding music for Mother’s Day.
12.17.08
