If your number one fear is public speaking, you would be well advised to pause, prepare, and practice, practice, practice well before the actual event. This article is for anyone who gets called forward to the microphone with little or no notice at the wedding reception, probably after the "formal" toasts are given by the Best Man/Maid of Honor, or parents of the newlyweds. This can be a delicate situation because you don’t want to offend your hosts, embarrass yourself, or become the next YouTube sensation. Check out some resources at toastmasters.org and start preparing your remarks as soon as you know that you’ll be called upon to give a formal, prepared toast.
Here are several ideas to get you through this special event. First, Pause and reflect: Why are you being asked to give a toast? Are you related by blood or marriage to one of the parties? If so, are other relations also being called upon to give a toast? The last things you want to do are either upstage one of your elders or lamely just add "me to" and repeat somebody else’s well wishes. Sometimes discretion IS the better part of valor and if you realize that you don’t have any business proposing an elaborate toast, politely offer, "Mary and John, here’s to you, may you enjoy a long and happy life together." Even if you only pause for two seconds before speaking, that time will keep you out of trouble.
If you are a fan of mnemonic devices, you have heard of "KISS" - Keep It Short & Simple. No one at the wedding reception is going to remember your toast five minutes after you give it. The only real expectation that anyone should have on an impromptu wedding toast is that you are brief and sincere in whatever words you use. Don’t become the next person who ends up on a YouTube video "blooper" reel by being too drunk to form a complete sentence. Again, if you aren’t fully sober, or if you feel that you might "lose it" by crying, stammering, or droning on and on, resist the call to make a public impromptu toast.
If you are a relation, make sure that you clarify your relationship for the benefit of the crowd, "I would like to propose a toast to my brother and new sister-in-law’s happiness." "As the college room mate of the bride,…" "I’m pleased that my business partner Sherman has invited me to offer a toast today." This brief "introduction" will establish your credibility and helps put your next words into context. You must remember that this moment is NOT about you, it is about the newly married couple, their future and the good will of the congregation. Don’t try to be funny or tell a joke now - unless you have prepared some remarks in advance, you’ll likely come off poorly.
Here are a couple of scenarios:
Besides having a BRIEF toast to offer, you need to have a fully charged glass - it is poor form to raise a toast with a water glass or half-full glasses. DO NOT start a toast when the recipients are either occupied with other guests, apart from each other, or do not have fully charged glasses themselves. If you are unsure of the "pecking order" of informal toasts, ask the bride what her preference would be - it is, after all, her day.
Here are a few samples:
1) Dr. and Mrs. Jones, thank you for inviting me to celebrate Scott and Lisa’s wedding today. As Scott’s football team mate, I am pleased and honored to offer this toast on this special day. Ladies and Gentlemen, (raise your glass here) Here’s To Lisa and Scott - May your new life together be happy and healthy. (Drink).
2) Terry and Jan, today marks the start of your lives together. From now on, may your happiness be doubled and all your cares be halved. Please join me in toasting our newlywed friends, (raise glass) To: Terry and Jan Montrose. (Drink).
3) To the newlyweds, Michelle and Bart, May your new life as man and wife be filled with joy and never strife. Hold on as one, in work and fun, from early dawn to setting sun. Take care each day to honor your pledge, and your love will never lose its edge. Here is to your continued health and happiness, cheers.
4) Depending on the formality level and cultural setting, there’s also nothing wrong with an impromptu, "Salud," or "L’Chaim," or "Best wishes." The goal isn’t to deliver a speech, it’s to leave a sincere, brief, expression of well wishes for the married couple.
Once you have made your brief remarks, and drank the toast, make a graceful and purposeful exit from being the center of attention. The longer you linger in the limelight, the more you take away from the proper focus of the day: the newlyweds.
