There are so many wonderful treasures to plunder and creatures to seek and destroy. Many of the myths and legends are true except self-seeking glory hounds like Hercules and the Knights of the Holy Grail did not complete the missions their legend boasts of. They were merely clever marketing ploys to gain power and favors from those with influence in their time. Most of the creatures of lore, are still lurking about quite happily with the exception of the Cyclops but that was really his own fault. Having only one eye and poor depth perception was a deadly combination. Certainly living near a cliff was poor planning as well.
Whether you wish to battle giant apes, harpies, or minotaurs, adventures await you. You are fortunate to live in the age of the flying machine. It is no longer necessary to build a Viking oar ship to reach your destination. However, getting all the passes and permits to transport your weaponry can be difficult in the troublesome times. By the time the paperwork is resolved, your sea-faring vessel might have arrived at its destination. You might be seeking treasure like the Holy Grail, the Sword of Damocles, of the new Michael Jordans. Regardless, you must prepare by packing plenty of clothing. If you choose the underworld, for example, which is quite nice this time year, you should prepare for beastly hot weather. If you decide to journey to the center of the earth, you have to have warm and cold weather clothing because while cooler under the earth’s surface the heat index picks up a tad as you get closer to the earth’s core. Either way it is critical you take plenty of camping supplies and rations. I recommend a good pair of hiking boots because, wherever you go, it will be remote and you will either be climbing up or down. No rare creature seems to living on a plateau or prairie, which is probably why the Ingalls never had much problem with that. It goes without saying that rare treasure isn’t just left out in the open but that’s the thrill of the hunt. If you wish to hunt or fish for food, take appropriate gear. Hydra meat is quite tasty but make sure it is properly cooked. If not, it can give you the shits or even kill you. Fairies make tasty sweet snacks too but be prepared for a real energy crash afterwards. I don’t recommend troll meat unless really hungry. The taste is a bit rancid and you’ll be quite gassy for days.
To assist you on this trek, I recommend one person great at solving puzzles and translation. Perhaps you have a friend great at the Rubik’s Cube. At least one person should be athletic and skilled at hand-to-hand combat. This will come in handy more than you care to know. A fetching young lass is a great companion. Not only will she make the long nights less lonely, she is a great distraction for many a foul beast, especially giant apes. Make sure you take advantage of modern technology and always have plenty of rope. There always seems to be a pit or a wall to scale. It’s like the monsters all subscribed to the same design magazine. It helps to have ancient maps and compare them to new maps of your destination. Also GPS systems can be of assistance but are completely worthless in Hades. That is a complete dead zone. Unfortunately there is no Chamber of Commerce either and Charon, the River Styx guide isn’t very social. He’s take you across for a fare but won’t help with directions.
Make sure you have several video recording devices and spread them out amongst your crew. Many a camera has been crushed underfoot of some Yeti or other beast or lost to a giant spider’s web. This video evidence will be very important. Shop around in advance for various book and movie deals to get the best offer. If going to Skull Island in search of giant apes, you might get Gorilla Glue to underwrite some of your costs. Perhaps ABC’s Extreme Makeover or Maybelline might sponsor your hunt for Medusa.
Proper planning as well as appeasing the proper gods will make for an exciting and rewarding quest.
