A lot of people would like to calm down, relax and worry less. For them, meditation seems like a great idea, but how do you get started?
Particularly if you’re American or European, the practice of meditation can seem particularly daunting. We’re very intellectually oriented. Hard to believe if you’ve watched tv lately, but really, we LOVE to think. Making it stop appears impossible. It’s like chasing a cat, the harder you chase it, the faster it runs. Eventually, it dashes up a tree and there you are, frustrated.
Actually, that’s a great place to start. Just like luring Jack or Fluffy down out of the canopy, your mind responds better if you stop running around trying to make it do something. To extend our metaphor a bit, it’s better to open a can of tuna and wait patiently a while. Eventually everyone calms down and relaxes.
With meditation, the trick is not to try and do anything. Go with your natural flow, so to speak. Just bring a bit of awareness into everything you do. I’m one of those very physical people, so sitting still seemed impossible to me, for many years. Eventually, I figured out that I needed a more meditative PHYSICAL discipline before I stood a chance of being able to sit still for any length of time. Instead of checking out when I did the dishes, went for a walk or ate my lunch, I’d slow down and pay attention to whatever it was.
Learning to enjoy where you are and to just be present for it is one of the first and most important lessons in meditation practice. You don’t have to be sitting down to do it. Try really seeing the orange you’re about to peel for your lunch. Pretty color, no? Sink your nails into the peel. Watch the fragrant oils spray into the air. Smells great! Now peel your orange. Taste it. Tart? Sweet? Great!
If you can make it through a whole orange, you can make it through a meditation session.
If you can’t sit still, try applying this kind of noticing awareness to something else. Generally something slow-ish, like walking, tai chi or yoga. Be present for your breath, for the movement of your body, the way the muscles feel, whether you’re tight or relaxed. Just keep the flow of noticing going, without getting stuck on any one part. There you go! You’re getting better at this.
Now, if you’re getting better at those things, you’ve probably noticed, that when you do them for a while, your thoughts are slower and less frantic, naturally. You didn’t have to force your mind to slow down. As you become more present, your mind naturally slows a bit. So, when you’re ready, let’s head over to the cushion. Or a chair. It’s okay to use a chair. Just prop up your butt so you can keep your back straight without too much effort. Slouching will put you to sleep, and that’s not what we’re trying to do here.
Once you’ve found a comfortable, upright position, let your hands gently fall into your lap. A classic meditation posture is one hand, palm up, with the other laid on top of it, also palm up, thumbs lightly, lightly touching, making a circle. You can use this gentle contact to maintain awareness. Not too tight, not too loose. If you find yourself veering towards one or the other, gently, gently adjust the other direction.
Now you’ve got the hang of that, turn your awareness to your breath. Like your thumbs, just breathe. Gently, slowly, softly. If you need to take a few deep breaths first (or from time to time) that’s okay. We don’t breathe much, so naturally, when we slow down and breathe, we need to get a little more oxygen before we can relax and stop “grabbing” for breath.
It’s the same thing for our thoughts. We’re used to thinking a lot and our thoughts seem like bright shiny things we just have to go play with. Instead of grabbing every thought that comes by, just notice it and let it go. Eventually, all on its own, it will turn into another thought. Sometimes, a thought will seem very, very important (they like to do that, make themselves seem very important), but unless the house really IS burning down, it’s safe to let that thought go on it’s way. Another will be along shortly, don’t worry. The best way to let go, is just notice that you are holding on and relax into your breathing. Just notice that your body is breathing, all on its own. Feel the movement of breath gently, in and out of your nostrils. Or, if you prefer, feel the rise and fall of your belly against your fingers. Pick a spot and just be with the breath there.
You will think again. It’s no big deal. Just keep letting go and breathing. If you want, you can count your breaths, from one to five or ten. If you find yourself holding onto a thought, just let it go and start over again with one. When you can get to five, try going to ten. When you get to ten, just follow your breath. Don’t worry about counting, let go.
There you are, meditating, without training wheels. Yay!
Now, just go back to the breath, aware in every moment that you are - breathing, present. Just there, doing that.
It’s okay if you think from time to time. Everybody does. Even zen masters - really! The more you practice this process of awareness the less your thoughts control you - the more you are just the place where thoughts happen, but you’re in charge. Funny, isn’t it? By letting go, you’re in charge. Now you know why zen has all those funny little sayings and stuff. Showing up for yourself with something as simple as breathing makes the whole world look different.
Most people get the most benefit from practicing mindfulness at least 15 minutes a day to start. Twice a day is better. If you can sit, good, but if you can’t, just start with an orange and work your way up.
If you want to know more, pick up a really great book by the Vietnamese meditation master, Thich Naht Hahn, called ‘Miracle of Mindfulness‘. It’s a classic and how I started. It actually took me several years of practicing mindfulness on everyday things before I could “just sit there”. So, don’t be discouraged if you’re like me. It’s a process, not a goal. Breathe. Enjoy!
