As parents we all want our children to grow up to be unselfish and to understand the need at times to put other people first. Unfortunately, many parents simply have no idea how to accomplish this goal. While some children are just inherently unselfish, others need to be taught the joys and rewards that giving unselfishly can bring.
The best place to start teaching your child to act unselfishly is by leading by example. From the time your child is born until he enters school, mom and dad are the most important people in his or her life. While a baby or even a young toddler may not be able to understand the actions of his parents, he does notice them.
Seeing something as simple as a parent helping an elderly person carry their groceries to their car or into their house, can without our even being aware of it, leave a big impression on a small child. If his parents do such acts on a regular basis, the child gets the lasting impression that this is simply "how people behave.”
Watching how parents treat one another is also a good way to teach your child to be unselfish. If your three year old sees Dad get Mom a cup of coffee and bring it to her when she is busy with some task or simply watching television, and then sees Mom do the same thing for Dad on a regular basis, he will learn to do simple unasked tasks for others.
As your child grows, it is important to include him or her in the performance of simple unselfish tasks. For example if you go to rake an elderly neighbor’s yard, or take dinner to a friend who has just had surgery, and it is appropriate to take your child along, do so–and allow him to help. Even a small child can hold the leaf bag for a few minutes or take a magazine to give to someone who is bedridden.
You might even encourage your child simply to visit with someone, or bring them a magazine.
It is also important to listen to things your child says about his playmates and other children at school. If your child tells you that poor Jimmy “Has no toys” in his toy box at home, perhaps you can suggest a shopping trip to pick up a few toys he can give as a present the next time he goes over to play. You might even suggest that your child might want to take a few of his extra toys over to Jimmy (this would reinforce the "giving" rather than the "buying").
Often times children will come home from school and tell a parent about a child in his class who does not have proper mittens or boots, or even a warm coat. While we feel sorry for these children, in most cases we simply don’t stop and think that this is a perfect opportunity to teach our children to be unselfish.
You can say to your child that you don’t want to see little Mia go without a hat and gloves, and maybe if you as a family, pinch your pennies and do without renting a movie this weekend and play a board game instead, then you as a family can get Mia some gloves, and she won’t have to be cold anymore.
This will help teach your child that being unselfish sometimes means making a sacrifice.
Lastly, don’t give your child everything he or she wants. While we all want our children to have more than we did as children, giving into every little whim or want actually makes them more demanding and they grow up expecting to always have everything they want. Children who expect it all and grow up to be adults with the same expectations are rarely unselfish. Whenever they are faced with a choice between what they want and what another person needs, their wants usually win out.
Teaching your child to give of their time, and of themselves, in the end will make them a happier and more adjusted adult no matter what their financial circumstances.
