Simply feeling angry is not wrong. But when it leads a person to become destructive, either verbally, physically or psychologically, then it becomes wrong. Anger can be useful; in fact it can be of great value. Here are some practical tips for turning angry feelings into useful energy.
1. Acknowledge your anger.
One of the unhealthiest responses to feelings of anger is denying its existence. If you do not allow your mind to acknowledge angry feelings, your body will have to bear the brunt. If you feel your stomach being tied in knots, your fists clenching, your heart pounding, admit to yourself that something important is happening. Say to yourself: "Yes, I’m irritated; I’m upset; I’m really angry."
2. Uncover the cause of your anger.
What triggered your feelings? Sometimes the answer seems obvious: the driver in a car blew the horn at you, a colleague at work told a lie about you, your son failed to do his homework. Be as specific as possible in naming the event that sent your blood pressure soaring.
Sometimes you may have to dig to find the cause of your anger. You come away from a conversation or a meeting feeling upset, but why? Ask yourself: "what was said or done that made me angry?" "Who am I angry with — a particular person, an institution (school, company, church, the government), myself, God?"
3. Explore how you feel about your anger.
Take an honest look at how you feel about becoming angry. Are you afraid of what anger will lead to? Do you feel embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed? Or can you say: “I feel OK about my anger"?
4. Confide in someone you trust.
Find a person who can help you deal with your anger. It may be a friend, a colleague, or a relative who can be objective about the situation and who isn’t afraid to be honest with you. Avoid confiding in someone who will always take your side. In some situations, your minister or a professional counselor is the best choice.
5. Do something productive with your anger.
Among the options:
• Pray to let go of your anger — Sometimes you can best handle anger by simply releasing it to God. Through this, you will find yourself reconnecting with your Creator.
• Speak to the person who has made you angry — Use first-person pronouns: "I’m upset…" "I’m confused…" I’m angry…" rather than "You had no right to…" "You deliberately…" "You always make me angry when you…" Try to find a way to resolve the conflict.
• Put your anger to productive use– If you are upset about a problem in your community, office, or school, join a group that works at a solution. If a family situation sparks your anger, make an appointment with a family counselor. Anger can provide you with the energy to bring about needed change.
