Internet dating is a bit of a crapshoot. Two of my uncles found their wives on dating sites, and I am currently dating a very nice girl I met through Craigslist. But at the same time, there are stories in the news about scams and murders that happen when people meet people online. After several months of trying and finally meeting with some success, I offer the following tips:
1) Know what you want - It is very important that you are aware of what attracts you and know what you like. There are all kinds of people out there and some of them are reading Craigslist. Chances are, for any description of a person you can come up with, someone out there matches it. There is a person out there with almost any combination of traits you can come up with, so it is important to know what combination of traits you are looking for.
2) Know who you are - This tip ties in with the previous one. You need to know what you are looking for, but you also need to look at this from the other side. Think of the person you want and think of what kind of person they are likely to want. Highlight the traits of yours that are most like the traits the person you want would want. Lets say you value intelligence in a mate. Intelligent people don’t want to hang out with people who are dumb. When you go to write your ad, highlight your intellectual accomplishments. Degrees, certifications, career accomplishments. Anything that will highlight how smart you are. If you are looking for someone fit and active, talk about that marathon you ran in last year, or at least mention that you enjoy being healthy and active and are looking for someone who has that in common.
3) Put your best foot forward - Only discuss the positives in your life. Don’t whine about anything. If your career is in shambles, highlight personal accomplishments: hobbies, ambitions and whatnot.
4) Grammar and spelling - Nobody will respond to an ad they can’t understand. I’ve gotten responses solely based on the fact that I can spell and use correct grammar. Most people ignore this, so if you pay close attention to it, your ad will stand out all the more.
5) Experiment - These ads are free. You can post as many as you want, as often as you want. While I do not recommend having too many ads active at once, I do recommend trying different things. Highlight different aspects of yourself and the person you are looking for. Write an ad and look at A) the quality and B) the quantity of the responses. If you get more, better responses from one ad than another, take that into account when you write your next. Eventually, you will hit on a combination of words that works. Try describing every aspect of your perfect match or nothing at all about him/her. Try the ‘romance through being friends first’ tactic and post in the ‘Strictly Platonic’ section, looking for an activity partner. Refine based on the results you get. If you find someone who is nice, but smokes (and you absolutely hate smoking) add a line about smoking in your next ad. Posting the same ad will get you similar results, so if one ad doesn’t work, try something else.
6) Don’t say too much - We don’t need your entire life story. Leave something in your ad for them to talk to you about. Leave a hook in the wording of the ad that makes readers want to know more about you. For example: say that you like reading so they can ask what your favourite book is. Keep up with #5 though, and keep experimenting with different hooks. You might be surprised at what attracts people.
7) Be safe - If you do get a date, be safe about it. Only meet somewhere public and tell a friend where you are going and with whom. Bring a cellphone and maybe some mace. Don’t meet until you are comfortable doing so. Exchange pictures and if the person doesn’t match their picture, run. If the meeting isn’t going well, end it. Get their phone number before you meet. If you are really worried about being murdered or raped, give their number to a friend. It won’t help you to not get murdered, but it will help the police find the guy if you are.
