Bullying is a serious problem in our schools today. This problem which affects so many of our children is not only a problem in the public school system, but it is also affecting our children in the private school sector. In the past the bullying problem seemed to be associated with, and mostly prevalent among young boys who liked to push others around to prove who was the toughest in the playground, school, or even neighborhood.
However, the reality is that bullying is not just a problem among boys today. Bullying is quite real for young girls in upper elementary to middle school grades. Having a daughter that just started in middle school this year, I can speak from experience as to how intense the problem can be and how it affects these young girls’ self esteem. Normally girls in this age group are at a stage in their development where puberty is right around the corner and their bodies are changing. They are just not quite sure how to handle this new body and all the hormonal changes that come along with it so the last thing they need is to be humiliated, embarrassed, and belittled in front of the other children.
With so many youngsters “snapping” and fighting back, sometimes violently, the bullies who have tortured them for so long, schools throughout the nation are implementing programs to reduce and, ultimately eliminate, bullying in the schools. Unfortunately these programs are only as good as the enforcement and support they receive from schools’ staff, a staff that is already over burdened with more than they can effectively handle.
Therefore, it is up to us as parents to prepare our daughters to not be defeated in the “battlefield.” When faced with this situation with my daughter last year I decided I was not going to allow her to become one more victim of these vicious little girls. I did some research and read quite a bit on the subject in order to help her, and myself, to deal with and overcome such an unpleasant situation. As a “survivor” of a “bully-full” environment rather than “bully-free” environment, I have the following suggestions to offer and hope they help as they helped my daughter and me.
I started by following school’s policy and addressing the issue with her teacher. As the problem persisted, following proper school protocol, I moved on to step two which was addressing the problem with the school’s administration. Again, not much was done to solve the problem as the girls doing the bullying were active in school sports and other activities as well as their parents being top contributors (financially) to the school. So, the harassment was really being caused by a small group of girls who felt they were prettier, wealthier, and all around better than the rest, therefore, giving themselves the right to irritate others. By this point I figured it was time to take it upon myself to deal with this problem by empowering my daughter with the right tools to confront the bullies effectively in a non-aggressive fashion.
I started reading on the subject and the one book that had the most impact was “Queen Bees & Wannabes” by Rosalind Wiseman (which by the way was the basis for the movie Mean Girls). In her book Wiseman does a great job bringing to light what it really is like for our young daughters in schools today. She talks about the different cliques, the roles that girls play in bullying and those being bullied. Not only did she helped me understand how rough it really is, but also provided suggestions on how we can empower our daughters when confronting the “queen bee,” the “ring leader” of the “we are better than the rest” clique, and her “wannabes” — the other members of the clique who do anything to fit in. Mrs. Wiseman has a web site which contains a lot of great information on dealing with pre-teen and teenage girl’s issues. I would recommend it to any one with pre-teen and teen age girls. Her web site is www.rosalidwiseman.com.
Even though most schools have some type of program in regard to bullying, in most cases the solution to the problem appears to be in the hands of the schools’ administration in the form of established policies and procedures. Nevertheless, more often than we can imagine, these policies and procedures are not being enforced evenly across the board due to favoritism and special treatment that sometimes a certain clique receives from the school’s staff. Unfortunately, there are instances where the same people who are supposed to help eliminate the problem actually end up contributing to the problem.
So what is the answer? Truthfully, I believe that the bullying problem will only end when the schools become stricter and actually discipline all students who violate other students’ rights to an education without being subjected to such humiliation and terror. So, until such time, the answer should be more in the realm of us preparing our daughters to be able to handle such situations and helping them make smart choices. By empowering them with knowledge and self confidence, they will have the tools necessary to be strong enough to walk away from such situations without falling in the same behavioral pattern as the “queen bees” and her “wannabes”.
Guiding thoughts, guiding words, for guiding minds…….maribelclarissa
