Everywhere you go, there are tons of problems that seem to addle peoples lives and stop them from living their lives guilt free.
There are so many names for different problems a person might have, that it is hard to tell which problems are real, and which aren’t.
The fact that there is a medical or psychological name and label for just about anything from twitchy toes to nose picking habits, doesn’t help anything either. There are plenty of people in this world who have easily solvable dilemmas, and yet they are hindered either because they label themselves as "sick" or a doctor or other professional labels them as "sick".
There are plenty of mainstream "illnesses" that many people supposedly struggle with, but the idea still leaves many people scratching their heads in disbelief and wonder. Restless Leg Syndrome? ADD? Depression? Sex Addiction? Porn Addiction? Obesity?
Some are true for a rare few members of our society, while many others choose to use these labels as their excuse for continuing habits which are not considered "socially acceptable". They may feel guilty, or they may be covering something up, or it could even possibly just be that someone else decided they had a problem, even if they don’t really.
"Porn Addiction" is one of those highly unlikely situations, and as many experts will tell you, even the few who do experience problems in their life from too much porn, are not considered "addicts". The continued use of porn to stimulate yourself into a sexual frenzy is more of a learned compulsion than an addiction. Both have many similarities, including the desire to want to continue, but there is a big difference in the facts of the situation.
When someone is labelled as an "addict", it automatically makes them a sick person who can’t help it. When the difference between addiction and compulsion is understood, it is easier to realize that a compulsion is a bad habit developed over time, that can be controlled and left behind, if the will of the compulsive person is there.
It is often found by many mental health professionals, that most cases of "porn addiction" are either cases of extreme guilt put on by society, religion or partners. It is all to easy to decide you have an illness when faced with what the outside world will think, and it is comparable to have the excuse of "not being able to help it", instead of just being honest and admitting that you like your voyeurism.
To help you recognize the slim chance that you might have a Porn Compulsion, or to recognize it in someone else, lets look at some of the normal and completely natural symptoms of a healthy and robust libido:
1. Masturbation everyday or every 2-5 days is considered within the realm of normal and natural through health officials, even if it might seem odd to another person. These habits often vary between every man and woman. Although it is generally considered to usually be males that masturbate more often, this is not always the case. Many women regularly engage in sexual play with pornography, just as often as some men never or seldom look at porn.
2. Masturbation in itself is a completely normal thing for a man or woman to do on a regular basis. No matter what you may have come to believe, masturbation is actually good for, as it raise endorphins and relieves stress. Over 1 million Americans already answer surveys everywhere that suggest that there are not many citizens left who are afraid to love themselves. Meaning that there should be no reason you should be afraid to love yourself either! Don’t ever let anyone guilt you into feeling that you should reintroduce yourself to yourself here and there.
3. Pornography is considered a healthy way to stimulate one’s self before or during masturbation, and doctors and health professionals agree that there is nothing initially wrong with looking at pornographic pictures or videos.
4. A healthy and robust sexual appetite and proper social habits should include both masturbation and regular sexual encounters with a loved one. It is often because of religious or social quilting that some men and women never masturbate, and often find themselves unsatisfied in most relationships when they could be both self pleasing and interactive with their partner.
5. In a relationship, most happy healthy couples that have been surveyed over the years have said that they have intimate relations with each other between 1 to 5 days a week. Some do get to enjoy all 7 days a week, but that seems to be more in the realm of the rare for most working relationships. More than enough couples are also out there, who are not getting the sexual fulfillment that they need, and often do not get intimate with their partners more than once every few weeks or less. These relationships usually fizzle out one way or another.
6. A mentally and physically healthy person should not be hindered by their sexual appetites, when it comes to the rest of life’s activities. As long as a person is still fulfilling their roles as an employee, parent, lover, spouse, friend or person in general, then their is no reason for concern if they seem to have more sexual urges than another.
Now that we have gone over some healthy aspects of a lively libido, lets talk about some unhealthy habits which might lead a person to believe they need to change some of their life’s habits…
1. Porn and masturbation should never take the place of a real person to whom you can be intimate with. If you find that you prefer a computer or magazine instead of your lover or spouse, then you might want to do some soul searching. Often it is because relationships have a tendency to grow stale after a while, and pornography offers a chance to imagine different exciting situations. This is okay and completely healthy, but when you replace your real loving relationships with fake ones, then you get further into the realm of having a compulsion problem. It gets into the same arena as eating when you feel rejected, smoking when your stressed or feeling depressed because things aren’t going as planned.
2. Porn and masturbation shouldn’t ever take over your day. If you find that it takes longer and longer for you to fulfill your desires, or that you look for more extreme types of pornography to the point where it has gotten gross and it takes over your day, then you are just about to the point where you might want to seek out some support. Pornography compulsions can often lead a person to ignoring the rest of their life. This does not, however, constitute a "porn addiction", it is more likely that there are some other things going on in your life that you are trying to avoid dealing with or thinking about, and the sexual relief and viewing of pornography give you that outlet. When you find yourself in this position, it is time to think about getting some counseling about the rest of your life. When you figure out how to solve what you are avoiding, or get something into your life that your missing, then you won’t find the compulsion for porn so strong.
3. It is often enough that masturbation can seem out of hand, when really, there is a strong hidden desire of the masturbator to try something new with their partner, but they are too shy to truly admit it. When you find that you have a desire to try something that you feel is considered a "taboo", it can be hard to ask your partner to help you out. Know that there are lots of individuals who have been in this place, and as much as it is understandable, it is no excuse not to tell your partner what you want. If you don’t tell them, how will they know? (just remember that it is healthy to use porn and masturbate, as long as you still have plenty of intimate time with your partner)
4. Porn compulsions have also often be found to be the only symptom of marital disturbances in the intimacy department. It could be that something was said at one time to make them feel they couldn’t truly get their partner to do something they asked. It could be that they are having a hard time getting sexually aroused through simple foreplay and interactions. It could be that they are no longer attracted to their partners, but haven’t fully admitted it yet. There are a lot of reasons, but if you feel you or someone you love has a porn compulsion, then it might be an idea to explore newer and more fun options inside and outside of the bedroom…
5. Some professionals feel that a porn compulsion is comparable to a gambling compulsion, in that many sites charge money to view decent porn. There are so many free porn websites available, that it is hard to imagine a person paying for pornography anymore, but once the credit cards start going, they don’t tend to stop. With a person who has a true porn compulsion, they usually end up spending their savings, their days and their lives in one room with just one thing. They are usually anti-social, and don’t have any intimate relationships. there are other times that this can also happen in a relationship where there is absolutely nothing going on in the bedroom.
6. There have been very very few cases where a person with a very bad porn vompulsion has developed into a sexual predator. Not being able to satisfy their sexual appetites through gross and brutal hardcore pornography, they take it into the real world in a bad way. There is a lot to be noted in these rare situations though. Most of the individuals who develop these bad habits often have mental and social disorders, were often abused as children, and were more likely to develop their predator status with or without pornography. The statistics of the average person’s chances to go from heavy porn user to freak: maybe 2% of the population.
Lets Recap:
*A daily habit of masturbation is normal and natural and actually considered healthy, as long as that person also has regular and satisfying intimate relations with a live human being whom they love.
*If your lover likes to view porn on a regular basis, but they are still being a good lover, parent, employee, etc… Then don’t give them a hard time about it! Instead, try to see if they might like to explore some more spiced up options in the bedroom, and you might just make it hard for them to continue staring at the computer screen.
*If you feel that your spouse or lover is paying more attention to their porn then they are to you, then maybe it is time to explore yourself and your relationship. You might want to consider that they need more in the mattress, or that you need more. It might also be that they are afraid to tell you that they would like to try something out of the ordinary, and that is okay. It is possible that it might be time to explore alternative relationship options if your partner or spouse is unwilling to talk about spending at least as much time with you as they do their porn.
*Many societies and religious persecutions have lead people to believe that masturbation is in some way a bad or unacceptable thing to do, or that it at least shouldn’t be done often. This is very untrue and these ways of thinking have damaged way more people that porn ever has. If you find that you are with someone who feels you have a problem with porn, it might be time to explore more interesting intimacies with them, before you decide that they are just jealous that you like to look at porn and have a loving relationship with them.
*If you find that your lover is using porn more often than you are comfortable with, then maybe it is time for you to consider opening yourself up to more interaction more often. Example: If you come home and find them "helping themselves", why not splash on some smell good and go join in?
*There are many controlling men and women in the world who seem to believe that viewing porn or masturbating while in a relationship is in some way "cheating" on the monogamy of the relationship. While I have to admit that this is more of an opinion, and varies from relationship to relationship, I do feel that many take these views out of hand. Masturbation is completely healthy, and so is some lubrication and pornography. If you find that you have a problem with your lover viewing porn while they masturbate, this is something to discuss with them. However, it is NOT okay to label them as "sick" or "wrong" or "weird" because of their porn usage. It could be that they didn’t realize it would bother you, or they didn’t realize you would be up for more intimacy then you are regularly getting into with them. The idea here is to remember that if you feel uncomfortable with porn, then you need to admit that, and not blame them.
If you are the person who likes to view porn and are being chastised by your lover or anyone else, it is important to remember that masturbation or any aides are not considered unhealthy. As long as you are still regularly engaging in your social and intimate relationships, going to work, being a good parent, not spending up the credit cards, and any of the above, then there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to use porn from time to time. Don’t let anyone persecute you because you don’t mind to look here and there; if they are uncomfortable, it is important to remind them of that, and remind them that you are a human being deserving of respect just as much as anyone else.
