Diabetes, a disease in which your pancreas decide to either produce too much insulin, or none at all, or maybe it does very little. I have had this disease for more than ten years now and each day is my constant reminder of what I must always deal with, look for and continue through. My hope is that my children never have to get this disease and that one day we will find a cure for it, one for both Type 2’s and for Type 1’s.
Each day I awaken with thoughts of my diabetes. It is foremost in my mind of things to take care of, really. I know I should test more often, but I do get discouraged when my readings are not what I would like them to be. I do not like having Diabetes, because as I age I worry about side effects, or problems stemming from having had Diabetes for a while.
I hate having to remember to take my medication, and having to inject insulin every evening. I truly believe I am running out of spots to inject that stuff, anyway. I bruise real easy, each time I give myself a shot in my tummy, which sometimes stings a little. My belly looks like a paint board, lots of brown, blue, and purple can be found there. I also hate worrying about losing a limb or my eyesight. I surely do not want to be someone who needs someone to take care of them, when I get old. I am supposed to be the one who takes care of my children, husband and all, not the other way around.
I usually tell myself that I will continue, and I will deal with it. But inside I am scared, really scared for myself. I do not want my obituary to show the cause of my death as Diabetes complications. You know what I mean? Well you cannot , I guess , unless you to are a Diabetic. It is scary knowing that every organ is affected by this silent and mean “killer”, Diabetes.
Sometimes I think I will eat what I want, go barefoot if I want, or maybe I will not wear gloves on my hands when I work outside, but… I do. I do not want to get something stuck in my foot, or have my foot amputated because I have a sore that would not heal up and contracted an infection. I will wear gloves because I fear for getting a finger or my hand hurt, and then losing it too. And I will not eat too much sugary or carbohydrates foods because it will cause me to feel bad, and raise my sugar levels, which could kill me.
I do think it is not fair that my husband, and family and almost anyone can eat, do what they want, and never have the same fears as I do. But then again, life itself is not really fair to some. I do have a better time at it then those around me, I guess. I just came to the realization that my Diabetes will be there, always, and that I must make each and every attempt to deal with it, as best I can.
No One is promised a life without troubles, without suffering or death. We are all the same that way. Diabetics are the same also in that we deal with things, even if we do not want to, we are given no second chance at being Diabetic free. Diabetics know they are mortal, they know they they can die. They know what it is like to stare at death’s door, and make every effort to stay away from it.
I guess being a Diabetic will make me stronger, or kill me, eventually. I choose the first outcome.  I choose to live and deal as I have for over ten years. Yes, I worry each day, but I do not let worry cloud all my mind. I as well as every individual on the face of this planet will live, as least for now, all of us dealing with our own issues and battles.
My advice for anyone struggling with Diabetes is as simple as , “To Live”. You only get one life, make it the best one possible, deal with all the things you need to, pick your battles, and accept things for what they are.
