Being a survivor of incest, I wanted to bring out a few points regarding situations like Mackensie Phillips and the millions of others like her.
I know many people are on her side, but I also know many people are fighting against what she has exposed and so I want to clear up a few things.
I Just read a fantastic article here on factoidz that is regarding judging one another based on looks or circumstances this is a must-read. http://factoidz.com/judge-not-what-we-can-learn-from-susan-boyle-and-mackensie-phillips/
When you are a child and these things are going on:
1. You don’t know they are not supposed to be this way
2. You equate Love with what is going on
3. You are told over and over don’t tell as no one will understand
4. You may be threatened to not tell
5. Over time your idea of Love, is what is happening and you don’t know anything different.
Point number one: Being a child you do not understand that what is happening to you should not be happening. In your mind you just think this is what life is and that everyone in every home deals with the same thing.
Point number two: Over time, the things that happen to you are what you know as someone loving you, and you equate these happenings with the feeling of Love, as you don’t know any better.
Point number three: You are slowly brainwashed that this is real Love, and that others won’t understand; and if you tell they will “separate us; You don’t want that, do you?” These are the things you hear, and being that they are coming from the only source of Love that you know, you become afraid to tell anyone for fear of losing what you have.
Point number four: Many times, and more times than not, the abuser threatens with bodily harm or to harm another loved one. Threats can also come in the form of “you will be taken away, you are the bad one, you caused this”. Here is the brainwashing starting.
Point number five: When you have these things happen to you over and over, and although they are unpleasant at the time, they are generally followed with a great deal of attention and love, and you equate the two as one.
So even if and when you come to the conclusion that this is not right, you do not want to lose the "Love" that you know.
You will find that many women who have gone through sexual abuse don’t know any other way to communicate Love other than through sex. It is not that they care for it, but rather they (in their minds) know that is how you show it.
So in the case of Mackenzie Phillips . . .
I have been asked by a few people “why didn’t she just quit, why didn’t she walk away or tell; she was an adult, she had to know it was wrong”.
But, regardless of age, when you are raised in a drug-induced state and you are raped and are molested by someone you love and look up to and you don’t know the difference (or maybe you do but it is too much for your brain to handle)–then you go along, and the more you go along, the more brainwashed you become.
The time comes when the abuser who started this cycle is no longer the main abuser, as you then learn to become the abuser to yourself, as you know nothing else.
For Mackenzie Phillips to come forward is a very, very difficult thing to do, as it would be for the million others who are in the same boat.
So the fact that it became consensual is really not surprising. Not only was she brainwashed with drugs, but also with a situation she had not control over. And as she became an adult and had control, the only control she knew to take over was the “love” she was getting.
There is so much more to abuse than what I’ve written, but I am hoping to have given you a little better understanding of why SURVIVORS do what they do . . . .
It is how they SURVIVE AND SURVIVED!
