There is never a guarantee when it comes to staying in love. Just as surely we fall in love, we can fall out of love, too. But that brings the question of what "love" is in the first place. Love is truly a decision, just like the book by Gary Smalley. That means we choose to make a relationship work, because we are committed to doing so. Not only is this in marriage, but also in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Dating itself is the process of selection. Some people prefer to date multiple people at a time, have short-term relationships, or not have any relationships at all - only going out on dates on a whim. Serious dating relationships can only result in a successful marriage when both people are willing to uphold that decision to exclusively love one another for the rest of their lives.
Marriage Isn’t All Flowers and Roses, Either
Once a couple is married, doesn’t mean their lives are forever a fairy tale. The same problems you had before you got married are still going to be a factor in your married life. The flaws you disliked in your partner before marriage are still going to be there. Yet, you chose to be with the person you married. You might be tempted to throw in the towel after a few heated arguments. Sometimes you might even complain after many years of marriage that you just can’t make the relationship work anymore. But what really is that word "work"?
Characteristics of a Relationship that Works
To make a relationship "work", you have to be open to communication, remain willing to compromise, be patient, step into the other person’s shoes, and self-sacrifice whenever necessary. If you have a hard time doing any of those things, you probably will never be able to have a lasting relationship. Nor are you truly able to love someone the way God desires. Not all relationships can stand the test of time. They will all be tested, and you have to be equipped to do your part. When you are unprepared or unyielding in your convictions, you can lose the other person forever.
Love is Spiritual
Even if you are not a religious person, the institution of marriage is. Plus, it’s a legal oath, not to be taken lightly. So why do so many people fall prey to quickie marriages and divorces? It’s because they respond to their first level of "love". In the Bible, love is described in three facets, the first of which is eros - that is, erotic love. The infatuation you feel upon meeting someone, that intensity of desire - that passion is eros. It is based on emotions alone. Every relationship starts out that way to different degrees (sometimes only reaching its peak in the honeymoon phase of marriage), but eventually fades out. What many people think is that when that feeling ends, the relationship has stopped. But that is a grievious error! Because once that type of love fades, it matures and mellows into philos - that is, the love that is accepting of flaws and serves to build a stronger relationship. It is during this phase that couples can embrace their differences and decide to continue on their journey together without drifting apart. There is also a third type of love, known as agape. This is the greatest and most powerful is the all-encompassing love of Christ. It is because of that love He has for us that we can in turn reach out to others in need - not in a romantic way, but in choosing to show compassion in accordance with how God Himself would want to be towards humankind. Another way to describe it is as brotherly love. It should be how we feel about our neighbors and strangers alike. but that sort of love is impossible without prayer. Unfortunately, some people will never achieve agape, because they don’t know how to get past loving themselves. But the closer you are to God, the more you desire to improve your romantic relationships, and ultimately attemp to make the world a better place by caring about the welfare of those around you. When you can do that, you can make any relationship work!
