Bullies do not come in a one-size-fits-all combination of looks, sensibilities, intelligence or gender. Bullies come in various sizes and shapes. Some may very well be that overgrown tyrant pre-teen, but also just as well that petite, little doe-eyed brunette that everyone fawns over so well. Their reasons for bullying someone may vary from anything ranging from low self-esteem and attention-seeking to the jealousy of no longer being the prettiest girl at school when a newcomer arrives.
Bullies can also include that seemingly sweet doting grandmother or even a middle child unsure of its place within the family. Just like those various books that may be full of knowledge or full of senseless drivel, you cannot judge bullies by their outward appearances. Bullies masquerade in various shapes, sizes and backgrounds.
Not all bullies come from different racial backgrounds from their targets; some of them may be of the same race. Some of the most cruel of bullies can be the child of a preacher or the chief of police–you know, those who really have been taught better and should know better than to treat others with cruelty, intimidation or disrespect. Sometimes bullies travel alone; however it is not uncommon for there to be a lead bully in a clique with tagalongs or a "cheering section" for such a bully.
Nearly the same may apply to those who survive the various tactics of bullies. Bully "survivors" can be that child with vision problems that some call four-eyes, or the overweight child who may be called just about anything that strikes a bully as funny or intimidating. Of course, victims of bullies can be from different racial backgrounds. Victims of a bully can live in the same home as their tormentor or even be a close relation to a person that for some strange reason feels the need to degrade and belittle someone that they view as being weaker than they are.
Yet, there is something about he person that is being abused by another person that causes the bully to react as he or she may. Most often, it is not something that the victim did to the bully, but most often either their appearance, which can swing from being less attractive than the bully is, to those who are actually more attractive and intelligent, as well.
When a victim of a bully is young, most often, they have no real idea of why someone is picking on them, doing things to them or making degrading remarks in order to cause them some type of embarrassment or to instill a sense of shame within their being. However, regardless of the reasons for choosing this particular target, a bully may cause an uproar simply because they are basically suffering from their own tormented mind and lifestyle. Many bullies are searching to fulfill their own sense of inadequacy, whatever that lack may be in that particular bully.
Various victims of bullies handle their particular bully in different ways. Some victims will do their very best to avoid a bully and any embarrassment or harm that the bully might cause them. This may mean taking a different and longer route to school or other destination as a means of avoidance. Some survivors are lucky enough to find an "earth angel" to stand beside them, who may just be a bigger or in some way more frightening to the bully. Then again, some individuals finally get a bellyful of being picked on and degraded until they finally pull up their bootstraps and give the bully his or her just desserts with a wonderfully-executed punch in the kisser or a boot in the pants.
Yet there are some victims of bullies who handle their bully by killing them with kindness or turning the table on them with a dazzling smile and a quick, cheerful yet witty response that can leave a bully standing amongst his or her hangers-on truly looking like the idiots that they are showing themselves to the world to be–having everyone within earshot laughing at the bully rather than the target.
Everyone is different. Every bully is different; every bullying victim is different. The means a bully uses may or may not be the same tactics of another bully. The means that the strategy a victim uses to overcome or avoid a bully may not be the same tactics used by another. Some interplay of bullies and their targets can range from serious encounters that may at times even escalate to harmful physical repercussions, to small uncomfortable encounters. Either of these should be addressed as soon as possible. Either can leave scars.
If you find yourself at the mercy of a bully with or without his/her cheering section, it is best to try to avoid any encounters when possible. However, it is not always possible. When someone is bullying you, talk to someone–whether it is your parents, friends, teachers, school principals or even the bus driver. If there are occurrences of being bullied or harassment when you are older than school age, make the time to talk with a counselor or even your boss if it occurs at work. Unless you feel that you can successfully take on and overcome a bully on your own, it is always wise to have a backup system and someone else who is aware of the problem. Do not be afraid, embarrassed or ashamed to talk with someone and get help. Most often, a bully is counting on you to be so afraid or embarrassed that you keep your mouth shut about the occurrences.
Do not allow this to happen.
Make your voice heard!
There are others out there, who do understand and can help you survive the torments of a bully.
© 2009 Sara Valor
