WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO MEET SOMEONE’S FAMILY?
My rule of thumb has always been, if you are invited to family dinner after 3 dates it is a red flag. Early family meetings can be a test to see if you fit in. It is way too early for your date to be introducing you to his loved ones. How many others have they met? It has always been said that if you want to see how your potential spouse will look later in life, to look at the parents. Do you really want to scare them off that early?
After knowing them for at least a few months, when you are put in a situation to meet their parents, it can be an eye-opening experience. Watching your partner’s parents interact, could shed some light on certain questions you had about your partner’s childhood or emotions. It is a window to their soul to some degree. This is a good time to add that you must not blindside your partner when taking them to meet your parents for the first time. Leaving out that they are Gay, have a disability or that you are adopted and the only Caucasian in the family, is not fair to your partner. They need to know what to expect to some degree, so they can handle themselves accordingly.
Many people think it is easier when the family lives a long distance away, but that can mean a week-long visit with them under your roof full time! (Ideally if the parents live about an hour away, they can’t just drop in like they do on the show Everyone loves Raymond.) Even if you love their family, it is difficult having to commute to see them. Every holiday can be stressful with who goes where.This can be a big decision maker when you are dating or living with someone.
There is also the problem of being very close to their family and you end up in divorce or breaking-up. Now what? This can cause huge problems in your next relationship. Find out how really close they are to the Ex. Are you going to have to share a seat at the dinner table with them? While it is wonderful that we are all so mature about this, “three is a crowd”, no matter how you look at it.
When you OK a family meeting, make sure you are honest about allergies and food dislikes. Going into anaphylactic shock on your first encounter will not make a great impression! And you will want to hurt your partner for almost killing you. Knowing as much as possible before you meet them will help with your conversation while you are visiting. It will give you topics to either avoid or converse in. If they love Ex President George Bush, you may not want to praise President Obama for 3 hours at the dinner table! If you are dating someone of a different culture, it would be wise to find out if his or her family will be receptive to you. Your initial meeting could come with death threats!
Religion can also be a rift creator, Is one is Jewish and one is a Christian, how do you deal with Christmas? This could also cause problems with the parents, especially at your wedding or family functions and holidays. Life is difficult enough without adding judgment from family members. Make sure your relationship is strong enough to endure the merging of two families into your union. There is always the option of seeing your families separately if there is too much conflict. Your love should be strong enough to out-weigh any argumentative occurrences that try to sway your belief in your partner. It is YOUR future, not theirs, and unfortunately you can’t choose your family but you can choose your spouse.
