In flitting around among a variety of wedding websites and bridal blogs, I noticed that a number of brides-to-be were expressing frustration in finding what they described as “non-sappy” songs to use for their Father-Daughter dance. With apologies to strict traditionalists who don’t mind shedding a tear on the dance floor–which is perfectly lovely–there are some brides who simply want to march to a different drummer.
While it’s true that you can Google “father-daughter dance songs” and get a list of the most popular, many brides are reluctant to use the same few songs that they’ve already heard repeatedly at weddings of multiple friends. They want something that’s maybe a little sentimental, but not overboard. They want something that doesn’t sound like a funeral dirge. And they want their mascara to stay on.
If possible, they want something that isn’t a ridiculous overstatement of their relationship with their dad–after a couple of generations in which lifelong marriages have become increasingly rare, many brides have come from single-parent homes or blended families, and while they may have had contact with their father and have a decent relationship with him, sometimes a sugar-coated ode about an adoring father giving up his “little girl” just doesn’t hit the mark. Or maybe they are really close, but “schmaltzy” just doesn’t suit their personalities.
Obviously, if there’s little or no relationship between a daughter and her father–or worse, if the relationship has been an emotional rollercoaster; or if there are lingering resentments about his treatment of her mother (or overt animosity between the parents), or any reason why hostilities may flare up, it’s best to simply omit the Father-Daughter dance from the wedding program. Or, if the bride is particularly close to a grandfather or an uncle, he would probably be honored and flattered to be asked to fill this dance slot (if there are two grandfathers or multiple uncles, however, tread carefully so that someone doesn’t feel they’ve been very publicly left out.) If the bride has been chiefly raised by a stepfather, so that her father is only a “visitor” in her life, she may view the stepfather as her “dad” and may opt to share this dance with him–however, if her biological father will be attending the wedding, this should be discussed with him as a courtesy, so it doesn’t come as a surprising and hurtful slap in the face.
So what’s a bride to do to avoid all the hypocritical hyperbole? Well, if there’s one thing you learn in life, it’s that very little in human behavior is new. So if you’re not finding what you like on the “most popular” lists, why not try out some choices from earlier decades. While there are a number of older songs on these lists, they can no longer be said to be “vintage”–the very fact that they ARE listed as “most popular” has made them more like “modern wedding standards.” But in the same way that vintage fashion may suit some gals better than a trip to a bridal salon, you may find just the song in a less-picked-over stack of vinyl. Here are half a dozen suggestions to keep you away from such Father-Daughter embarrassments as Turn Around and Daddy’s Little Girl:
A lively and mercifully short piece (for dance-phobes) packed with personality is Maurice Chevalier’s Thank Heaven for Little Girls (listen), from the musical, Gigi. The heavy French accent also makes it a perfect choice for a very sophisticated, or “Paris”- or “Tiffany’s”-themed, wedding. This song has humor and begs for one or two exaggerated (not necessarily complex) moves to play that up. People won’t be expecting it, and will be delighted.
Harking back to the ‘20’s is the simple sentiment of Ain’t She Sweet, which was originally recorded as a Charleston (the dance, not the city) piece. Frank Sinatra did a cocktail-jazzy version, but it would serve up better for a Father-Daughter dance vehicle in this version by Michael Holliday (listen). Best danced with a show-off kind of attitude–your Dad is proud of you. Let him turn you, then rotate his arm around himself over his head to show you off, while you bat your eyelashes exaggeratedly and mimic patting your hair into place.
Dare to do torchy 50’s? What could be sound more appropriate than My Heart Belongs to Daddy? Sure, it was undoubtedly written about somebody’s sugar daddy, but the words aren’t suggestive enough to come right out and say so, and the refrain is perfect. Listen to Eartha Kitt’s version; Marilyn Monroe also does this song–equally campy, but you’d want to have your D.J. edit out her “Lolita” comments.
For parents who have never forgotten that they are products of the Woodstock Generation, a slightly more serious but still unsappy song might be Teach Your Children Well, by Crosby, Stills and Nash (listen). (NOTE: this would work just as well for a Mother-Son dance.) Touching on childhood from the perspective of both parent and child, which is pretty appropriate to the occasion, and with an upbeat, mellow tempo somewhere “slow” and “medium,” it would give even novice dancers plenty of opportunity for some “moves” or turns.
You’re the Top, a Cole Porter song from the 1934 musical Anything Goes (listen), lavishes superlative praise such as “you’re the Louvre Musuem” while being modestly self-deprecating about the “speaker” himself–especially appropriate for father and daughter–how often does a parent look upon all they perceive their child to be and think, “how did this come from lowly old me?” It’s presented in a cheerful and charming, old-fashioned show tune. Who could not crack a smile?
Finally, consider a mix of sweet and salty. Open with the heartmelting What a Wonderful World by Louie Armstrong–which everybody seems to love, but is becoming overused–then surprise everyone by breaking into the Macarena by Los Del Rio, perhaps having the wedding party join you, taking care not to obscure you from onlookers. You’ll get two fabulous types of photo-ops in one! (Your D.J. should be able to make the songs segue just right.)
Most cities have dancing instructors who really enjoy preparing couples and parents for their wedding dances, and will have a number of simple steps, moves, and turns that they can teach you in a single hour-long lesson, usually at a fairly reasonable price. Just Google “dance instructors, (your city)” and you should find a few. This is money well spent in the confidence it gives you when you’re up in front of everybody.
So if you and your father have a bit of “ham,” a touch of glam, or a sense of drama in you, make your day that much more memorable by giving your friends and family something they weren’t expecting–make them smile instead of cry.
04.25.09
