The Fall of Adam & Eve & Consequences, Or: “Murphy’s Law” & Charmin in The Garden
But first, a Bible Quiz:
Q: What did Adam and Eve use for toilet paper?
(A) Palm Fronds
(B) Grass
(C) Stones
(D) Sand (scooting rear down, nomad-style)
(E) None of the above
The correct answer is “E”
In the beginning they didn’t need toilet paper! Amen, flock. God created them perfect in every way because it was His plan that they live FOREVER as ‘perfect’ beings. As such, their bodies were capable of converting matter into energy with 100% efficiency. They didn’t even have to break wind! The “theologians” seem to have have missed this.
Q: Then WHY did God create them with all the “plumbing” and appendages necessary for procreation and elimination when they didn’t have to do either?
Because God in His omniscience, KNEW they would commit sin - of their own FREE WILLS just as Lucifer and the fallen angels had done before. But Lucifer (SATAN) committed the Original Sin against God. You see, GOD, being The Perfect Good God, was not into "robotics", therefore He righteously ‘tied His hands’ by creating free-willed beings. Even God cannot force a free-willed being to love and worship Him. If He did so, it wouldn’t be TRUE love and obedience.
Now What?
Prior to their sin, our first parents lived in a perfect environment. There was no waste or corruptive matter in the Garden (no poop, I assure you). Their pristine earth was surrounded by a crystalline canopy and a powerful magnetic field twice the strength of today’s field. A pre-flood earth-model designed by Dr. Carl Baugh and other creation scientists at his Creation Evidence Museum registers a consistent air pressure of 28 PSI (twice the air pressure of today). This caused much more oxygen to be assimilated by the brain, and as a result, the Adamses were super-geniuses by today’s measures (but not any wiser, unfortunately).
They were physically larger than modern people too. Archaeological digs by Dr. Baugh have turned up sets of huge HUMAN footprints dating back at least 5000 years, indicating that the average Pre-Flood man was about the size of “The Shaq”!
Now after “The Fall” and their expulsion from the Garden, the earth and the environment were still near-pristine. This accounts for their longevity (Adam lived 930 years) and the long lives of the early patriarchs as well. Genetically, they and their progeny were still near perfection (no mutant genes), which allowed the necessary intermarriage of near kin to populate the earth according to God’s edict.
Q: Where did Cain get his wife?
Adam begat MANY children and some had migrated into the land of Nod long BEFORE Cain arrived and ‘knew his wife’. He simply married one of his ‘cousins’ who was ALREADY there.
But after Adam & Eve (first New Age philosophers ) ate of the Tree of Knowledge, the *Law of Entropy kicked in and EVERYTHING; the earth, the universe, and their physical bodies all began the slow and steady decline to DEATH and random DISORDER (a.k.a. *2nd Law of Thermodynamics). As a result, the earth wobbles, light speed is measurably slower, and the air pressure & and magnetic field are but 50% of original force. Everything is “winding down” because irreplaceable energy is being depleted. Only God can create ENERGY and LIFE (1st Law of Thermodynamics).
In layman’s terms, *“Murphy’s Law” was born: Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL go wrong. EINSTEIN stated in so many words, that the 2nd Law of Entropy is the surest of all physical laws. And his General Theory of Relativity blows evolution clear out of the water! (E=MC sq proves cause/effect and this 2nd Law is an IRREFUTABLE PHYSICAL LAW.) One can see decay & disorder happening everywhere; rocks eroding, metal oxidizing, flesh ‘going to pot’ as it were. NOTHING ORDERS ITSELF: It takes a DESIGNER to create ORDER (the genetic code, for example!).
Now even though the universe, the earth, and the Adams’ physical bodies were still operating with fine precision and efficiency, some things were immediately evident after they were booted out of their paradise: they began to *SWEAT and TIRE while toiling in the field. This was something new. Although they had never toiled in the Garden, they had ran and frolicked without sweat or fatigue. (Genesis 3:19—‘In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken; for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.’) Do you know that our bodies are comprised of the SAME elements found in dirt?!
Well, it’s getting real serious now: God just informed the “mud-people” they’re going to DIE (the Law of Entropy)! They would also know pain and sorrow: God told Eve (Mother of all living) that she would bear children in PAIN. Pain was something new too. (Genesis 3:16 - ‘… in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and [but] he shall rule over thee.’) That her “desire” (not sexual in this instance) shall be to [for] her husband means that FROM NOW ON, she will want to be the BOSS (no offence, ladies). Naturally, because Adam blew it (his stewardship) back in the Garden when the Serpent tempted Eve. Where was Adam? Why wasn’t he looking after her?Then he blamed the whole thing on HER! How ‘bout that?
Eve said to God: “The Serpent BEGUILED me.” In the New Testament Greek, the word is: “exapatao”, meaning: “thoroughly beguiled.” Pastor Arnold Murray of Shepherd’s Chapel renders it: “Wholly and *COMPLETELY SEDUCED”! WHOA! Where WAS ol’ Adam anyhow?…playing “one-handed golf”?!
*(With due respect to pastor Murray, I’m pleased to report that Genesis 4:1 nullifies this imaginative interpretation.)
One Christian physiologist ventured that when they began to sweat, blood was generated for the first time. Prior to that (in the Garden), a holy “Spirit Water” had coursed through their veins that would provide eternal life…as long as they were obedient to God. There are scriptures that seem to support this theory, I believe. In Luke 24:39, Jesus said: “Behold…that it is I myself…handle me and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.” He didn’t mention “blood”; His Glorified Body was TANGIBLE flesh, but without the Sacred Blood He shed on the Cross. Also, He is referred to as “The Second Adam” (the first one having failed miserably), which gives us another clue. And ‘Water’ is used to symbolize the Holy Spirit, i.e., “pour out the Spirit”, “quench the Spirit”.
Did Adam and Eve have physical, bloodless bodies of flesh and bones similar to Jesus’ Glorified Body…or like the Angels, perhaps? After all, we ARE created in God’s image, and so are the Angels. Flesh and blood is finite, and it was God’s desire they should live happily ever after in the Garden as perfect Spirit-filled beings—no blood, no problem/s — but they had other plans…
Of course, the moment blood was generated, the Post-Edenic Digestive Process began and their intestines began to burble. Then, realizing they would have to “go” (horrors!), they sought a private place to do so. Symbolically, Adam would have been the first to experience this unsanitary but gratifying pain/pleasure event. Now what??! He has a messy situation to deal with. I believe in that first moment of panic, Adam would have utilized “Plan D” and scooted away like a hedonist.
In my mind, Eve chose the more civilized “Plan A”, and with feminine intuition, she would have prudently planned ahead. And at night, their fertile, inventive minds would dream of the future and a better "buffer"…Adam dreaming of strange, nameless whirling objects (resembling car wash brushes–?)…while Lady Eve dreamt of scented rolls of palm fronds…but her “Charmin” was far in the future.
I’ll take Eden but after that, you can have “The Good Ol’ Days”…
Amen
P.S. Some will think me irreverent, but I’m not trying to offend. Label this theory as ‘bathroom humor’ if you like, but I think the study of the Adamses physiologies is fascinating.
