Think of your marriage like a house plant, if you never turn in around so all sides get the sun, one side will start to wilt, won’t it?
It’s not always easy making sure your marriage gets everything it needs. After years of being in each others company, you might have just barely started to the finances, household issues, kids or daily routines. It can take more than 5 years before we are truly comfortable with everything about each other, and then once we are comfortable and know everything inside out, then what?
You climbed the mountain of love with each other, swam down the river of devotion and carolled love ballads through out the town. They got you great birthday and christmas presents, and you two had such romantic get a ways. Yet… once you’ve done all that, what else is there to do?
When you get into a ‘routine’ with your marriage, it can be all to easy to fall into habit and to stop nurishing the adventurous romantic side that drew us to out life long partners in the first place. When we don’t know what’s wrong, or that anything is wrong, its easy to let it go long enough that the relationship begins to grow stale. Usually only on one side at first, but then it spreads to the whole plant.
Want to know how to get the life back into your leaves, and the spice back into your relationship?
Great! I’ve got a few tips you may find useful to bring some verb back into your noun.
1. Remember…
It is all to easy to let the years slip by and to only think about what is ahead, but sometimes it’s just nice to sit back and think about why you’re still together. Did you meet when you where kids? Maybe you were high school sweethearts? Or was it a military engagement?
There had to be some times you have with your special other, that made you laugh, smile, rejoice, or fall in love all over again. Think about them! Especially when you have a chance alone with your spouse. If you don’t get many "alone" chances, than make one. Take your lover someone that brings back the good memories. It will be something they truly won’t expect, and if its that one place your thinking about right now, they’ll fall in love with you all over again.
2. Compliments At Least Once A Day
This is something that a lot of us forget about. It’s part of falling into that routine that we talked about earlier. When we first live with out dearly devoted, it’s easy to remember to thank them for dinner, or for buying something for the house. Mostly because it’s the first few times they had done it. After a while, you just kind hope they know you appreciate it.
That’s no way to keep anyone happy! It shows lack of true value for your partner. Take the time to compliment them for something. Whether its for cleaning the house, or that new hair cut, or just be cause their butt looks great in those tight jeans. Tell them they smell nice, or maybe that their are looking rather sophisticated today.
You don’t have to butter them up, thats not fair either. It has to be a genuin compliment, but that doesn’t mean their can’t be a little humor involved. Sometimes it helps! Try out your own way, and make it a habit every day, and your relationship will start to perk up again!
3. Communicate Clearly
This is something that I believe a lot of people feel they do, when they really don’t. Whether it is a guilt free admission, or you are hearing what you want to hear, it’s time to stop and really think about it. When you tell them you want to go out, do you mention it when they are tired? Do you say something to them when they are at work? Maybe you tired to do it while they were doing something else?
It’s way to easy to tell them when they are not paying attention, that you are unhappy or you want to do more, but it makes it hard for your partner to really do anything about it. You have to remember to communicate clearly and directly. You are not commanding them, they don’t have to do what you say, but you want them to understand fully what you ask of them, so that it is easy for them to comply and want to fix the problem.
If you feel things are strained, boring or just lacking the excitement they once had, then you need to clearly and directly say just that. Ask them to come away from what they are doing, when they are at home. Do it when they are awake and alert, so that they can pay attention, and don’t become upset the moment you talk about it. Just come out with it. Tell them what the problem is, and what you feel would fix it.
If you would like more sex, say just that. If you want them to initiate it more, then say that. If you want a romantic night out on a beach a couple of hours away, them TELL THEM! It doesn’t have to be drawn out and difficult, and you don’t have to over explain yourself. I bet your sweety will be much more obliged to revitalizing the relationship if they feel like they know how, and that it is not going to be a big dramatic scene to fix it. It’s easier to follow through, when the task is easy.
4. Me, You and We
I find that often, when two loving beings get married, they often loose the You and Me portion of themselves to become WE. This is a very big issue with most relationships, and especially marriages, because it can lead to lack of interest for each other. If all your time is spent as a WE, and there is no room for YOU and ME, the relationship gets old, stale, boring and often arguementative.
It’s important to remember that although your marriage and committment makes you two a WE, it doesn’t mean there is no more YOU and ME. You are not their WHOLE lives, and they are not yours. You combind YOU and ME, not force them together.
Basically, what I am trying to convey, is that you need to take time for yourself, and so does your partner. Invest in a hobby, or explore some new avenue of entertainment that you can do by yourself or with some friends. Make sure it is something you enjoy, and something you can stick to. Although it is ok if you change hobbies a few times, that’s understandable.
They idea is that it gives you some new conversation material, and also keeps the interest going between you and your lover. It means that there is a new part of you and them, that neither of you fully knows about yet. It also means that you are still capable of spending time on your own or with others, and that always spices up a relationship.
Remember that You and Me may make We, but it doesn’t delete You and Me.
I found so many other great facts in this cheap little book on lulu.com, you should check it out: http://www.lulu.com/content/e-book/healthy-marriage-tips-to-growing-one/7457610 It’s an ebook all about Healthy Marriage, and you can download it right to your at home computer. No trips to the store or anything! Give it a glance
