Overview: We human beings see it all the time: One individual, attempting to exerting control over another individual. Most of the time, it’s simply a matter of someone not understanding the finer points of living within their own personal borders, at least. In the truly extreme cases, it’s even as bad as someone feeling no control over their own personal borders. Those extreme cases tend to be the worst of the bad cases.
We’re not going to be exhaustive, by any means, on this topic. That would be all too voluminous of a work. Let’s look, though, at how understanding personal borders might help some lonely men temper their expectations with reality–love being an ’inner game’ and all:
What a personal border is:
Within any person’s life, there are areas over which someone should enjoy the most absolute, autonomous, decision making control. Other aspects of a person’s life may be only a “condition,” wherein no one should expect control, and it would be silly to try (e.g., Nobody controls the rain…but anyone has the power to choose to at least attempt to seek cover. But the guy yelling at the sky is obviously dealing with cognitive dissidence of an extreme nature).
Any individual enjoys a level of control over their lives to some degree. What colors they wear today, how they keep their hair, their personal wants, etc., are but a few examples. Other examples are within the realm of the ethereal, those being: reactions to adversity, self-talk resultant from rejection, self-talk as a personal response to success, intensity of self-determination, and so on.
A majority of humanity seems somewhat confused as to what parts of life are within their control (people who say things like “So and so should do this or that.”), while simultaneously letting slip control over their own personal borders (for example, a woman abusively controlled by a domineering husband or a grown man whose life is dictated by parents/friends/siblings.).
Personal borders are not just what allows humans decision-making control. Personal borders also serve as our “fuel tank” for our own emotional energy reserves. If our borders are operated smoothly, we should all enjoy the level of decision-making control we desire, as well as receiving the energy reserves we build up in life via our self-perception.
It’s not a wall or hole. A personal border is a gate with sentry.
When a personal border is operated like a “wall” it means the individual has, for one reason or another, elected to attempt to cut off negotiations with the personal borders of other individuals. This sort of scenario is common amongst anybody who’ve been sexually abused in the past. While these examples might enjoy all of the personal control one could want, there is very little in the way of getting the energy refills we often need from others.
The other extreme is when a personal border is akin to a gaping hole. Too much control is given up to others. Too much of an energy drain is exploited away by the parasitical. This scenario of someone being too heavily influenced by external forces is commonly seen in the naive, but examples exist which are seen, amongst even folks in positions of authority.
Ideally, here in the real world, personal borders should be run like the border of a nation. By that, the author means to negotiate, according to the needs of any individual, what comes in and out of one’s own personal borders. A wall blocks out the sunlight. A hole allows thievery. Use neither extreme. Proper management of one’s own personal borders is all a human mind needs.
What a personal border has to do with succeeding with attractive women:
All too many men expect to find some sort of a “magic bullet” to solve their interpersonal, societal interaction needs with the opposite sex. Too many books are already written on ‘pick-up lines’, ‘moves’, or other ‘slick’ stratagem attempts to maneuver the fairer sex into a bed.
By understanding that it’s not a matter of manipulation, ‘slick moves,’ or lines that wins a woman’s attention, but rather, just being attractive in the first place, more men will establish and develop successful love relationships.
Summary: Readers wishing to understand what it is in the first place that women find attractive merely need to return to these pages regularly. The education that will be available here will be free, down-to-earth, and effective. Over time, as readers follow along, they’ll even find themselves needing to occasionally avoid women altogether, just for a rest break.
Sources:
The book, Personal Borders, available here
On recognizing cognitive error: A .pdf
