We hear all too often about child abuse, and it’s very common that the abuse comes from a second husband or new boyfriend of the mother. This is not to say that in-family or stranger abuse is any less of a trauma, but at the very least it should give a mother who is concerned about the welfare of her children a reason to be aware of this possibility, and to not be blinded by her feelings for this new person in her family’s life, to signs that something isn’t right.
It is very normal to look for love the second time around but when you are bringing another child into that relationship there is a lot to consider and be aware of. Surely it does not happen in every situation but it is not uncommon when it is not the biological child of both adults in the home. As we all know, all too often, how many biological parents (sick as it is) have crossed that line!
Check for constant signs, should you decide to take the plunge into a new relationship. I grew up in a home with a stepdad and it was anything but healthy and loving. My mom must have felt the need to “be taken care of” that she remained with a man who abused both of us until the day she died (at the age of 47, from leukemia). She was pregnant with my sister when she married him. I was 2 at the time and remember oh so much. She has been gone for so many years but I can only hope she did not know what I had to go through with my stepdad while she worked. He was an alcoholic and didn’t/couldn’t work so stayed home as the “house husband”. He adored my sister because that was his biological child and talking with her, he never abused her that way. I never wanted to be home. If your child is in any type of situation where their moods may seem to change, maybe they become withdrawn, never want to be home, anything out of their ordinary, please be sure to investigate as to what may be going on in that child’s life. They so often are withdrawn and feel it shameful to discuss with the most trusted person in their lives.
Open communication with your child which is the most important thing you can do. As I stated, my mom passed on before I could ever talk with her and somehow got the fear instilled in me not to speak of what I was going through as it happened. She was my best friend but was always working until the last few years when she got sick. But it was not something you talked about years ago. Instill complete confidence in your child/children that they can talk to you about anything, no matter what the circumstances. There is nothing more important than your children believing they can confide in you 100% at any time in any situation.
Talk to your child at any early age, making them aware of dangers there are out there, as abuse does not only exist in the home. There is the “stranger danger” discussion that should be discussed practically from the moment the child can walk, and definitely when your child is away from you, out to play, going to school, daycare, Aunt Ginny’s, wherever it may be, it is always better to be safe than sorry. Of course, most abuse does exist in the home because that is supposed to be the safest and most trusting environmen
t.
Check into all the resources out there just to be more informed as to signs to look for should your child be faced in unsafe situations. A site called www.HelpGuide.Org has a lot of wonderful information as well as childhelp.org. DCFS is also a good resource of information and help. I never claimed to be “Mother of the Century” when my kids were growing up but I did try to keep them as safe as I could and prayed that they never had to go through what I did as a child/teen. I know we all hope for that and so much more as our children grow, mature and become wonderful enriched adults.
