On May 9, my husband and I will be married 17 years–together a total of 23 blissful, perfect, joyous, stress-free years. Before you start heaving over the boat, I’m kidding.
Oh, we have a great marriage for sure, but we’ve also had our “bumps”. Bumps, hills…valleys…huge hulking mountains, whatever you want to call “hard-hitting marital moments”. There were times when he probably wanted to heave me over the boat (I think he actually tried once, when we were on a cruise…); again, I’m being humorous. A little. Which leads to my first secret:
Humor
Oh, blessed humor how often you’ve saved me and my marriage. Sometimes, before you cry you gotta laugh; then you can cry. Your spouse will watch you laugh and cry and think you’ve lost it a bit, and then slowly back away from you. Sometimes that’s all you need in matrimony, a little space. Which leads me to:
Space
Remember when you were first together and you were joined at the hip? Sweet–yet for some it can stifle. Space is not necessarily a bad thing, unless you want to fly away to space to get away from your spouse, of course that’s not good. But, a little breathing room can be the unexpected link in a successful marriage, just as a little air around the wood is a vital element to a good roaring fire. Which leads me to:
Fire
Passion is essential in marriage, and after 17 years our fires are still burning. I attribute that to 1) being Italian (hey, yabettabelievit) 2) taking care of myself through diet, exercise and interests that satisfy me as an individual 3) feeling sexy, even after 17 years. Look, just because I’m married a while doesn’t mean I can’t still act like a girlfriend. In fact, my husband often calls me his girlfriend (and my son loves to repeat, “Daddy has a girlfriend!” to his teachers at school…I wonder if that’s why I’m getting funny looks)? Hmmm…well, in the end it keeps the spice in our marriage. Which leads me to:
Spice
It’s true, variety is the Spice of life. One of the components of a successful marriage, successful parenting, even a successful life, spice changes things up and brings the zing back into your heart. Try something new. Dare to be different. Embrace the unexpected. Your spouse will love it. Which leads me to:
Love
The most essential elements in a courtship and one never to be overlooked or allowed to fade, love is the guiding force of every great marriage. Love keeps us sane when life is insane. Love helps us to overlook the annoyances that threaten to disenchant. Love keeps us swinging –hopefully for each other and not at each other–when we feel like quitting. Love guides our boat through the storm to the port (there’s that boat reference again). Love restores our faith in each other. Which leads me to:
Faith
Faith is the one factor in our marriage that has kept us together through the darkest times; times when we were overwhelmed and stressed, when we felt there are were no more solutions, when our marriage went through enormous trials such as job loss, severe illness, communication breaks, intense parental stresses, financial hardships. At times marriage can be so daunting, you think you won’t get through it. Yes, there was a moment when I had the bags packed and the key in the lock, I admit it. But our faith–faith in Christ, our marriage partner–kept us from walking out that door. Faith in our eternal commitment to each other kept us united and, eventually, restored. Faith kept that key from turning in the lock. Which leads to me to:
The Key
…to a happy marriage is chocolate. Lots and lots and lots of it. Just ask my husband. Happy Anniversary Jeff, I Love you. Don’t forget the chocolate when you come home, and I’ll bring the spice.
Now about that boat…
