Okay sometimes in life, we all have these questions we dare not entertain with friends, family or neighbors. Yet, here, ask yourself this question: "If you are in a relationship with, and you cannot be honest with them, is that acceptable? No it is not about infidelity, it is about finishing the experiment so to speak, about the volcano, about the release valves working. After three weeks, still no mo-jo, and its not about age, more about my cougar theory going right down the drain. I saw someone post an article about having good sex, which apparently I am not an expert in.this matter. In this article the adult in you is going to have to follow my code here. In a normal relationship between a man and woman, there is pleasure, especially behind closed doors. What happens when this goes or if you never had it in the beginning. Yet you try to set things right within your soul. You say "Well we get along so well, she supports me in so many ways!" Or well we just met, give it more time.
But at my age I think I know the answer and am hesitant to pull the "Good-Bye" trigger. This person means a great deal to me. It was a big step for me to begin a new relationship after I wrecked many vehicles so to speak. Yet she at 59 is, at the point in her life, where I think some of the plumbing might be out of order. Though the code be vague, the peak is still in the valley so to speak. Again trying to be discreet here and respectful within this forum. With other people I tried the male thing of thinking of other people during the trip to the dark room, but still no matter what mind cap I put on, no jackpot.
There is Karma, there is the saying, "You reap what you sow!" Maybe this is my fate, but my integrity tales me to bale before we go any deeper. How do you live with a lie? Do you use the Makevelian philosophy in say "Well if I wasn’t doing it to her, someone else would be!" At least this is what my family tells me. Like its 1 am now on a Friday night, and instead of being in bed with her, I am pounding my heart out to cyber bartenders. And no I don’t need any Viagra, or vice-versa. But for all of you males out there that do not know this, if your woman does not chemically release or well physically, then chances are you are not going to. You don’t need a doctor to tell you that, but it took me years to understand this concept.
So at 41, not wanting to chase the younger or women my age, what am I to do, accept the status quo or move on? I guess this is sometime I need to pray on. Freedom has its costs, but sometimes integrity cleanses the soul which deceit sows within. It is time I put my truth chips in, and call my own bluff. For I would want someone with me, who really was not into me, to tell me the truth, no matter how much it hurt her or me. The saying it takes two is so right it needs no clarification. I have to lay out the carpet for that truth and consequences show we all play on "The Half-Love" show. Thank God she has not dropped the "L-bomb" yet.
Years ago John Cougar Mellencamp in his song "Lonely Ol’ Night" sang about being in a "Inbetween" relationship. I used to find this credible or even ethical. But I now find this wrong. What do you think? Again is it better to be alone without a lie or be with a lie? Your call friends. As you know I always have to throw in music; check out Gnarls Barley’s latest CD "The Odd Couple."
This is Cole Bolchoz signing off. If you need clarity to this article, or insight, please feel free to enlighten me!
