Don’t misunderstand the title, I am a mother and I love it but I have also learned that you have to continue loving yourself or you’ll turn into a bad episode of Desperate Housewives (which I record every week). I think the biggest issue is, being a mother, you love everyone else more, as you should. A mother should be selfless, loving, kind, caring and above all else, able to fix any problem at any time. With that being said, we are still women, we still need to laugh, at other things besides our adorable children or spouse’s funny story. As a woman, I need a lot of passion in my life, not intimacy kind of passion (although I require that as well) but a strong, adrenaline junkie, full force in your face kind of passion. I realized early on, I wasn’t going to fill my own needs while filling everyone else’s and I wasn’t going to enjoy replenshing my beautiful child if I myself wasn’t fulfilled.
The most important part of being a full time mother-Alone Time! I don’t truly believe anyone wants to be a stay at home mom 24-7. For those that say they do, they have yet to experience a bad bout of allergic reactions to an antibiotic, colic for four months straight, and my personal favorite, the terrible 3’s. That’s where you really get to experience what a little angel your little one really is. That’s sarcasm for you Mary Poppin’s types. Alone time is essential. I would come home, fix dinner, have a great evening with my son, do a little laundry, clean up and enjoy my time with him. When I put him to bed, everything else stopped. No more laundry, no more cleaning, no more anything but ME. It wasn’t easy at first, but I adjusted quickly. I would pour a glass of wine, turn on some great music, sit outside and enjoy great night time weather. If I was a little wound up, I’d make a drink, grab a hairbrush, and parade around my bedroom in my underwear belting out the 80’s greatest hits. If I wanted to relax and slip away…I’d read a book or paint. I catered to myself. It was and is fabulous to love yourself. Maybe some of it was silly or boring to someone else but to me, it was “me” time. I was only enjoying myself and worrying about NOTHING. Whenever you make your “me” time, make it just that and nothing else. I promise it will be worth it.
Next, pamper yourself with little presents. This does not mean max out your visa and start looking at a personal fashion consultant, unless you can afford it. It means get a pedicure when you have a hard week at work and if you’re single, you should do this regularly, no one likes Ms. Scary Feet. If you lost a few pounds or gained a few (it happens, don’t be so hard on yourself ), buy yourself something that makes you feel pretty. A cute scarf, a great shirt, a fantastic pair of shoes, just one piece that makes you feel like a rockstar. The next morning you’ll feel like million hot, sexy dollars showing off cute toes, or a great addition to your closet. When you feel good inside, you radiate outside. You smile more, which is always attractive, you have a better attitude, you are more confidant and you show your family the side of you that you want and need them to see. Appreciation and respect doesn’t all come from hard work and being loyal. Loving who you are makes others realize your own importance.
This is one of the most important ones. If you are in a committed relationship, or serious one, romance is the key to success. Romance is not always candle lit dinners and fancy vacations or a bed covered in rose petals. Romance is having couple alone time. Sharing take out on the living room floor while watching one of your favorite movies or t.v. shows. Sitting outside together on a nice evening and sharing a bottle of wine and talking and if you prefer something different I’m a big fan of sweet tea. The most romantic moments are the ones not planned, the unexpected surprises, the fact that someone didn’t have to but they did because they wanted to. A sweet card, a little note stuck on the steering wheel before you leave for work, little moments are memories for a lifetime.
The last piece of advice I can offer is the most simple and complicated thing you can do. As much as you love and will and should prioritize your children and family first, remember that they would be nothing without you. You can not be replaced, there can be no other you, or someone to take your place. Take care of yourself. Do little things that make you happy. Buy something you don’t need. Spoil your child even if they don’t deserve it. Say I love you as much as you can and hug and kiss your loved ones as often as possible. Above all of these things, appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Be proud of who you are. Smile when you don’t want to, laugh if it’s funny, sing as loudly as physically possible and always eat desert.
