A public tantrum – One of the most dreaded experiences any parent is forced to face. The worst of these tantrums are when you are in a situation where you feel trapped, such as the checkout line. The child seems to instinctively know that your hands are tied as to stopping his or her tantrum and lets loose. So, what can be done to calm your screaming child in public?
Stay calm. When someone offends or disturbs our peace, it’s very easy to respond with a “knee-jerk” response by escalating our voice in reply. When a child begins to throw a tantrum, stay calm. Don’t let your out-of-control toddler throw you for a loop. This is very hard to do, but very much worth the consequences. Even if your child escalates their screaming fit, you will appear to have things under control. Even is it takes everything within you, staying calm is the best response for your health and for whatever thread of peace is left in the tantrum situation.
Offer a snack – Carry around little snacks such as Fruit Snack pouches or cheese crackers or whatever little bite-sized snack your child likes. As soon as you enter a situation – Like a store’s checkout lane – Head off the tantrum at the pass by immediately offering a little snack. A lot of times, tantrums happen simply because the child is hungry or tired. Even if they are not overly hungry, your child will be distracted & interested in the snack hopefully long enough for you to take care of the business at hand with a happy child.
Change Environment – Yes, sometime this is impossible to do. But, when it is possible, pick up your child into your arms and take them to a different location. Often times, just the process of scooping them up and hugging them is enough to make the child melt into your arms. Other times, you may have a kicking & screaming child. But, sometimes simply changing locations is all the child needs to calm down.
Entertain/Change focus – If you can’t change the environment. For instance, you are standing in a long line at the grocery store & you are next in line with your groceries already loaded on the belt & to scoop up your child and leave would be more disturbing to everyone else involved than enduring the fit. Or, you’re in the middle of signing loan papers or waiting in a doctor’s examining room. Or, you fill in the blank. Sometimes it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the location of the fit. In these cases – it’s time to entertain. I’m not suggesting that we encourage a screaming tantrum by the reward of a clown show. What I am suggesting is a diversion – a change of focus for the upset child. Of course, in the case of young babies, we dangle & shake keys for them to become distracted by. But, in the case of a screaming toddler, this same type of entertainment can do the trick. Turn your excitement toward something that will interest your child long enough to get through the checkout line, etc. “Pull a rabbit out of your hat” by becoming suddenly excited about what’s in your purse, then pull out a small toy or book or anything that might interest your screaming child long enough for you to accomplish what you need to get done. Know your child to know what they usually really enjoy. For instance, some children love to color or draw. If this is the case, reach into your bag of tricks & pull out a piece of small paper & a pen & hand it to your child. Or, carry a small doll or toy with personality (a face on it) & peek-a-boo it from behind the child’s back quickly around to her line of vision, and then sneak it up from the bottom of the cart. Use your imagination. There are countless diversion antics that can be used on the spur of the moment.
Let it be. There are, of course, those instances when you simply cannot attend to the tantrum at that moment & your child has escalated beyond reason. When a child is within this mode, their IQ actually drops several points. So, reasoning with them will not work. When they have crossed this line, don’t even attempt to reason with them. Sometimes, your only outlet is to simply ignore the tantrum for a short amount of time – Perhaps, the amount of time it takes to checkout your groceries & pay for them. Then, as soon as your child gets his or her fits of anger out of their system a bit, hold them and reassure them. Once they are calm, you can give helpful tips as to how they should handle this anger in the future – What is accepted and what is not.
Offer a Reward – It doesn’t hurt, with a slightly older toddler or early elementary school age child, to offer a reward for good behavior. Before you enter a store, for instance, remind them of what you expect from them in terms of how they are to act. Tell them that if they act in this way, they will be able to choose one item (give boundaries such as inexpensive snacks) that you will buy for them when you get to the checkout. Of course, if you try this be prepared to handle a meltdown by a child who refuses to be on their best behavior throughout the store & is suddenly told they will not receive their reward. This could create a tantrum in and of itself. But, stand your ground & they will quickly learn that a reward is only given when they uphold their end of the behavioral contract.
Overall, know that tantrums are a part of childhood. And, any parent who has ever shopped with a toddler knows that they are not always good little shopping partners. Ignore any angry looks you receive from others. If they choose to mark you down as a bad parent for the sole purpose that your toddler is momentarily out of control, then they have most likely never enjoyed the experience of spending much time with a little one. Simply smile and let the angry glances roll off of you or respond with a short pleasant response. No need to ignite an angry customer on top of your already volatile toddler situation. Stay calm and handle the situation your little screamer may present you with skills only a loving parent can attain.
