You’re planning a wedding, and you want to spend less money than it took your grandparents to buy their house, which took them 30 years to pay off: you’re on the right track. If a tiny part of you is reluctant to part with the fantasy wedding you’ve envisioned since you saw Cinderella go to the ball when you were 4, remind yourself that you are no longer 4. If part of you is loathe to put on an event less opulent than other extravaganzas you’ve attended in the recent past, remind yourself that you would not being reading this if you did, in fact, have a Fairy Godmother. So, emancipate yourself from preconceived notions about your wedding, even-perhaps most importantly- your own. You still want a lovely wedding-and you don’t need a wand to make your own magic.
I’m going to start right off by saying some poison words that would make the blood run cold in the veins of wedding-industry professionals (except that in the first place their blood already IS cold, and secondly, they aren’t reading about budget weddings): ditch the idea of a professional Wedding Planner, who will cost, I’ve read, on average, a minimum of an additional 20% of everything else you spend on your wedding. While one of their stated goals is to actually help keep the wedding on-budget, bear in mind that they’re talking about a budget that most of us can only dream of, and will steer business to high-end vendors that you don’t need to afford. They list services like keeping in contact with the florist, caterer and other vendors so that you don’t have to. But, couldn’t you call 5 or six businesses in half an hour? Couldn’t your mom? Your best friend?
While every bride should be entitled to claim her Wedding Day as “HER day,” and reserve it for nothing more strenuous than hair, makeup and manicure, this doesn’t absolve you from rolling up your sleeves and applying unlimited time, energy, and elbow grease in the months preceding the wedding to make it the best it can be with the resources that you have. But just because you’re not hiring professional help, doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. Take stock of your non-financial assets: traditionally, much wedding planning and preparation is done by the mother of the bride; do you have people among your friends and family who arrange flowers, have put on weddings before, sew, could even make your cake? But build your team with care: (1) are they reliable? and (2) are they willing to work to help create your vision of your celebration or might they go off on a creative tangent of their own?
But THEN, where to start? Well, nothing can move forward until you secure a venue, so start there. The type and physical appearance of the venue will help you firm up the level of formality of your event, perhaps determine the season it’s best suited to (helping you set a date), the number of attendants you can comfortably fan out on each side of you, even a particular era or style to help give you a cohesive theme, and sometimes even suggest which colors would harmonize best. But all of that can come later. To select a venue, you’re going to need to have a fairly serious ballpark figure for the number of guests. Unless they have palatial proportions, most affordable venues will comfortably host much fewer guests than you would think. Still, bear in mind that if you’re keeping your guest list very small, it will seem lost or poorly-attended in a hugely-oversized room.
A generally-comfortable size is about 100-120 guests, which means you could invite up to 150 people, allowing for singles to bring guests, not counting out-of-towners who will almost certainly not attend, and the rule-of-thumb 20% of locals who for whatever reason will not end up attending. (You don’t need to even scratch the surface of your menu details at this time, but do know this: if you plan to serve food, it will be enormously more difficult for your team if it’s for more than 100-120 guests.) You don’t have to make out your guest list today either, but do set a limit. It’s good to start early getting both families thinking who they’ll want on their list, and to stress that the number they’re allotted is going to be firm.
If you have a religious affiliation, your place of worship might be a logical place to begin. A church wedding gives a respectful, traditional and sometimes charmingly old-fashioned flavor to your ceremony, and can underscore the seriousness of your commitment. It will generally make itself available for a relatively nominal fee (and if your family are “regulars,” may even work with you to lower the fee), will certainly provide your Officiant for a token honorarium, and sometimes has a wedding coordinator of its own, and/or volunteers that may help you set up your décor. Wedding coordinators that you don’t hire independently, but come along with a venue, whether it’s at a church, a historic site, or the ballroom of a 5-star hotel, should be milked for information and flattered for all that they share. They have given a lot more weddings in this location than you have, and you should absorb all the advice they have about how to arrange seating, allow for easiest crowd flow, where’s the best place to make your entrance, etc. HOWEVER, be aware that it’s not uncommon that these well-meaning planners may have formed ironclad opinions or “formulas” based on what’s easiest for them; they may be inflexible if you have a different idea, or even intrude with opinions on your colors or décor or otherwise expect more control over the event than you want them to have–so you will need to be diplomatically firm with them–remember that they will be worth their weight in gold when it comes time to round up lollygagging guests for seating at the last minute (a bigger problem than you think), sending the groom and his party to the altar at the exact right moment, and lining up, starting off and pacing your wedding party as the ceremony begins to unfold.
In considering your church or other place of worship, you may need to discuss with your fiancé(e) whether there are religious ramifications for him/her–are they required to convert to your religion for the ceremony to take place there? If not, are they required to take classes in your religion, agree to raise children under your religion, etc.? Does the church require a number of counseling-type meetings with the Officiant, or mandatory marriage-preparedness classes? Will his/her family feel comfortable or alienated in this setting? Can the Officiant be diplomatically prompted to keep the ceremony to a timeframe your guests won’t chafe at (20 minutes, tops), rather than a full Sunday sermon?
Finally, does the church have adequate reception space? If not, does it offer an exit to a patio space or a lawn that could accomodate a tent? Can the space be decorated to be something you can be proud of? Does it have facilities for heating/refrigerating food? What does it have in terms of tables and chairs, linens and silverware? Does it have dancing space? Do they allow alcohol to be served? They may very likely have a general no-alcohol rule, but might bend the rules to allow champagne for toasting, or wine-only, or allow a bowl of lightly-spiked punch if out of reach of children and served by an attendant. Is alcohol even a big consideration for you? Remember that if your wedding is at a church and you must move to another location for your reception, guests will have to drive and re-park; your “help team” will have to set up (and clean up?) two different locations, moving some of the décor in the process; and of course, there will be the expense of that second location.
One final church-wedding note: if your budget is seriously non-existent, there is absolutely nothing wrong (and a certain kind of traditional charm) in decorating the church’s “hall” or reception area (often a basement) as tastefully as possible, and offering only coffee, non-alcoholic punch, and wedding cake, with a scattering of dishes of butter-mints and nuts. This would be best for a mid-afternoon wedding, when the time of day doesn’t make guests “assume” there will be a brunch, lunch or dinner; or make it absolutely clear by having your invitations state “Cake reception to follow” instead of “Reception to follow” at the bottom. Arrange chairs along the edges of walls for seating–or you may want a few tables with chairs, with simple centerpieces in your wedding colors (perhaps even the bridesmaids’ bouquets), but tables aren’t necessary for a slice of cake. Have classical, easy-listening, or cocktail music played in the background. Plan space to allow for all the usual traditions that you will want captured for your wedding album: toasts, cake cutting, first dance, bouquet and garter tosses, the flowergirl passing a basket of favors. Every wedding doesn’t have to be a dance party. Relatives and close friends may choose to continue the celebration with potluck food at someone’s home after you have made your exit.
Community/neighborhood centers: There are some neighborhoods or areas of towns that have community centers which are available for rent. These are usually modest meeting halls near a community swimming pool or tennis court (or if you’re lucky, set on the edge of a lake with a community dock.) These are generally low in cost; they may have tables and chairs but probably nothing more. If you are having a church wedding with a no-alcohol restriction or inadequate reception facilities, a neighborhood hall is a low-cost choice for a festive reception. It will usually be a less-formal type of place that can be well-decorated with simple table décor in your wedding colors, twinkling lights and, if you choose, artful draping of tulle. If it has a fireplace that can be decorated to create a decent backdrop or an outdoor feature that can be made lovely by adding a rented archway, you might consider having the wedding itself there, and then rearranging (by your help team) the layout for the reception while your guests enjoy a glass of champagne or punch.
For a lovely hybrid of a classy event without red-carpet catering and its pricetag, check into local mansions, ballrooms, and historic sites (usually very popular, so check into them ASAP). Less popular, but available, may be gloriously-restored early-1900’s movie theatres. There’s no shortage of venues: the catch here is to find one that doesn’t insist on a “house” caterer, who generally pays a portion of their fee to the venue. The word “caterer” does not really belong in a sentence with the word “budget.” Sadly, there are fewer and fewer venues that will allow people to do their own food. Most will either have a house caterer or give you a very short list of “approved” caterers. But you will find some who will allow “any licensed caterer.” Eureka! Use this to get your foot in the door. They won’t expect you to have chosen a caterer yet, and your mom or other helper can obtain a catering business license for a nominal fee in the coming weeks (in case submission of the license is required.) Some of these venues are privately-owned; others belong to charitable foundations (usually found in internet searches for “wedding venues in (city name)” and a few belong to municipalities (“Google” your city as “city of _______” and you will likely find a website with a link to “rental properties,” which is where you would find these spaces–you may find some you never knew about.)
Prices run from about $1500-$2400 (these are prices for November, 2008, for my locality, which is Seattle, WA), depending on the popularity and upkeep costs of the building and grounds–but prices also fluctuate widely with the day of the week and time of day that your event is held. You can expect to pay between $500 to one-half of the rental, non-refundable, to hold your reservation (so be very sure), with the balance of the rental and a damage deposit of perhaps $500 due 30 days before the event. There may or may not be a charge for use of the place for a rehearsal–if so, you can skip a formal rehearsal (and the cost of the rehearsal dinner) by having a quick run-through before the guests arrive. If you require more hours than stated on your contract to set up, you will probably pay $100 to $150 per hour, and this will also be due 30 days beforehand. Don’t risk overtaxing your helpers–go ahead and buy them an extra hour or two of prep time. If you fall in love with a place but it’s just a little out of reach financially, consider a Friday night wedding instead of Saturday, or a Saturday or Sunday brunch or lunch–any of these variations are almost certain to cost considerably less and can have many advantages. (You can always use the excuse that the plane to your honeymoon getaway leaves at 4 pm.) The Tiffany Wedding is a very popular current theme, and what could be more wedding-like than a lavish-looking ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ brunch while saving a bundle at the same time? If there is a ballroom on one floor, but you don’t require the additional party space for an event, which is likely for brunch-time or early-afternoon events, often there will be a dramatic drop in the price for only using one portion of the venue. AND, you can do away with a bar in favor of champagne-only, or wine-only or, for brunches, an elegant Mimosa punchbowl.
This type of venue will come equipped with tables and chairs, coffee and tea service (might not be fancy but it won’t be noticed much, particularly if set up nicely), and traditional china and flatware. They may have tablecloths, but these are likely to be so over-used that rental is a better way to go. They generally have a nice banquet table as part of their décor. And they may have other money-saving features you hadn’t considered. They may have a couple of large, expensive, silk floral arrangements. Usually they will keep these in fairly neutral shades of ivory and white or very muted pastels–they can easily have a few silk blooms in your wedding colors slipped in among them (don’t puncture the arrangements’ styrofoam core), or even the ‘heads’ of key flowers popped off and replaced with the color of your choice; or tuck luxuriant bows in your color(s) into them; and they can be carefully moved to a more “key” location for visibility. This has to be done carefully, because they are NOT going to risk their expensive arrangements by giving you permission to do it. Have your designated floral helper take a digital photo of each arrangement before it is altered for later, so she can be sure to restore it exactly as it was at the end of the event. On the other hand, the venue itself may be so décor-rich that lavish floral displays are simply unnecessary, so that all you need to add are your own bouquets, boutonnieres and corsages. This type of venue may commonly also have silver or other candle holders for your use but of course will not provide the candles.
Just like their wedding-coordinator counterparts at your church, the managers of these venues have done so many weddings in this space that they may also have become pretty inflexible and have a cookie-cutter plan for all weddings. While remaining flexible enough to remember that they know what works best here better than you do and have great advice that you should consider, also remember that in this situation you are a paying customer, and if necessary you may need to remind them of that–I have taken part in what became a knock-down, drag-out fight because the bride wanted the dining tables set as part of the total table decor, but the venue manager was accustomed to providing the flatware rolled in napkins for pickup on the buffet table. (Who needs to fight over something so small?) This brings up another pro-AND-con about such places: service staff. Some of these venues will relinquish control of helpers to you and your team; others have a long list of available (paid) helpers on hand, and require that you use them. This can be a blessing, because these helpers are accustomed to working the venue, are relatively low-cost: about $15 an hour and it’s wonderful NOT to have to ask your friends to bus the dining tables etc. However, sometimes the venue manager decides how many helpers you NEED, and this can add up quickly. Avoid future misunderstandings by finding out specifically what the venue’s helpers will or will not do–most, for example, will set up chairs and tables but will not help with actually setting the dining tables, as this is considered “décor,” and will not lift a finger to put a platter of food on the buffet table, as this is considered “catering.” Make a list of what you need help with and point out work that you DON’T want, and discuss the number of venue helpers actually needed with the venue manager.
Small wineries. Wine is a very “in” subject these days, and accordingly, on the outskirts of many cities, local wineries have cropped up. Some have become commercially successful, and now have fairytale chateaux and lovely grounds–and because wineries do a brisk business for business events and even as entertainment venues in addition to weddings, these are booked a year in advance, cost a fortune AND require the use of their in-house catering team, headed by a snotty French chef with a hyphenated first name. Don’t even consider these. But take a Sunday drive around the area where wineries are blossoming (or sometimes the small wineries offer a tour where a bus takes you to a number of them that you’ve never heard of), and you may find a reasonably-priced venue with a less-grand “chateau” they have built for wine-tasting, often rustic in a Tuscan sort of way, perhaps with a beautiful Tuscan patio or garden area. The price for this type of venue can’t really be pigeonholed: they may offer a good price in order to expose people to their label, or they may gouge you because they know the famous vineyard a mile away is super-expensive. They are likely to be fairly open about a caterer because their real focus is building their wine business, so they don’t have anyone “in-house”–or if they have a list of “approved” caterers, may be amenable if you say you have a licensed caterer in your family and you’ll be happy to provide them with a copy of the license.
Extra winery-specific expense: they want THEIR wine served. Their least-expensive wine is perhaps $30 (or more) a bottle. And to make sure their wine gets served, they impose a stiff “corkage fee” for serving any other–$15 or more per bottle. Do the math. Pay the corkage fee for one case of wine, then get a wine-savvy friend to help you select a decent wine from Trader Joe’s, and you’ll still save bucks on every bottle. If you use magnums instead of fifths, that’s still only one bottle; if you use more than one case, who’s really going to dig through the dumpster the next day to count the bottles? If you intend to provide a bar, more people will generally choose simple mixed drinks over wine at a wedding reception anyway.
More costs and effort: again, their business is wine, not weddings. So this type of venue is less likely to provide dining chairs and tables, china, flatware, and stemware–much less linens. It will all have to be rented. You may even have to rent a banquet-sized food service table and linens, a large coffeemaker, etc. And just as they don’t have it on hand, it’s a pretty sure thing that they don’t have anybody on hand to help you set it all up–although groomsmen are usually very willing to help. (They have pretty bridesmaids to impress.) Likewise, groomsmen can set up chairs for the ceremony and move them to the dining area afterwards, so that you don’t have to rent twice as many chairs as guests. A small winery will almost certainly not have a wedding facilitator to guide you, so you will need to plan every step of your event yourself, and designate someone responsible to oversee portions that require direction. And if you need a tent for extra space or to provide coverage in case of rain, it’s doubtful that they will provide one. NOTE: a sizeable tent is a relatively large rental expense.
The décor is likely to be faux-Tuscan and a bit more rustic than you may have preferred. Tame it with grape-leaf garlands, clusters of grapes, and go heavy on the candles, bringing an elegant finish to the rustic backdrop. Serving and décor pieces that are popular and inexpensive right now, and go very well in this setting are scrolly-metal candleholders, large-casserole holders for the banquet table, and metal wall-hangings, eiher in black or bronze. If there is a fireplace, hang a floral wreath over it, incorporating some grape leaves; set votives or tealights in wine glasses across the mantel; and a large floral arrangement or bold assortment of lighted ivory candles of various heights in the fireplace itself to lighten that dark space.
Winery PLUS: if you stick to a wine-only reception, it lends itself well to replacing an actual meal with a layout of cheeses and breads, fruit and vegetable platters or antipasti, and trays of hors’ d’oevres–much less costly and work-intensive for your helpers, while still elegant, tasty and trendy.
Moving out past the suburbs into what was once rural and is now a mix of urban spread into what were once tiny main-street-type towns, you can find (usually by “Googling” wedding venues for that town) small-to-medium venues that have been purchased by entrepreneurs and renovated specifically as wedding venues. These may be Victorian homes or large, pristine farmhouses, usually nestled in pretty gardens or lawns large enough to add a tent. They may be adorable, remodeled old churches that have sat empty for years (in my locale, I know of two perfect, pristine, white-spired churches in particular that offer not only turn-of-the-century charm, but offer sweeping seaside views of ocean, islands and mountains. They require a drive and are not inexpensive, but are arranged to have room to spread out for the reception, and are unique and sought-after venues that give your guests an unforgettable experience). A rural small town may have a picturesque original City Hall or library that has moved to newer quarters, classic vintage schoolhouse, or train station. (Nor far from Seattle, one has a tiny Opera House with a semi-circular balcony–it’s not much to look at on the outside, but inside, its former elegance offers hundreds of ways to be made fabulous and memorable.) Because “rustic” is a theme that some prefer, there are even picturesque barns and grange halls that have been made respectable-looking on the outside, and quite nice on the inside, often in a “homespun-elegance” or "country" kind of way. There are private places at the edge of a lake, where the ceremony accommodations are largely a huge gazebo (or tent) for food and dancing and a lovely archway or trellis at the water’s edge–or even just the simple elegance of nature–for the ceremony. Some variations on this last type of venue include a newly-built, simple but attractive reception hall in a picturesque wooded or lakeside setting. Many people specifically seek an outdoor venue, and this type of venue is particularly good for a group that will have numbers of children present, so that instead of knocking over old ladies indoors, they can be sent outside to play (with at least one adult designated to supervise, please; a sobering but necessary thought: you don’t want your wedding to be remembered as the one where a child drowns in the lake or gets lost in the forest because there was too much going on to watch them.) The above types of venues run from low-cost to medium; they know that you have most probably exhausted the few “open catering” venues in your city, so they don’t feel that just because they require a bit of a drive, they have to go rock-bottom on their prices. (Also, to be fair, these are small businesses that have cropped up over the past 10-15 years, and they probably have a large loan payment to make for the property and renovations, and only 4 weekends a month to earn it.) So their prices fluctuate largely, as well as the amenities they offer–tables and chairs, china, flatware, linens, tents. Some will have them, some won’t. Some will have nothing, some will have tables and chairs only. Rental companies may charge extra to deliver if it’s very far from the beaten track. It’s all a balance of what you really want and what you may not really need.
The grandeur of nature: many cities/counties have picturesque outdoor wedding settings that they will make available at minimal (or even no) cost. (Google the parks, arboretums, and gardens for your city, county, or state.) Your first concern here is, do you live in a climate where you can count on weather that will allow your guests can be comfortable outside? Will they allow you to put up a tent? Is there access to electricity for music, etc.? What other restrictions do they have? Parks are generally alcohol-free zones; however, if it’s a small park attached to some kind of facility with a large room that can be rented, possibly the ceremony can be outdoors, with food and bar (with appropriate licensing) indoors.
Private clubs (golf/tennis/yacht/country/university): usually have very nice facilities that run the gamut of hunting-lodge to elegant décor. Although these are usually prohibitive in cost for rental to the general public, they may have sharply-discounted rates for members. They will force you to use their in-house caterers, but may have a package for a heavy hors d’oeuvres plus wedding cake event. Punch (spiked or not) is appropriate, and/or champagne for toasting. (Probably not beer or a bar–they would run it and it would be charged per-drink.) IF anyone in your family or social circle is a member of such a facility, it might be worth checking into the member cost of such an event, if the member is willing to book it for you. (Not a request you would make of someone you scarcely know.)
Small, intimate weddings (30-50 guests): first of all, are you close to someone with a particularly nice, large home and lovely yard, who might be willing to host your small wedding there? It’s actually a nice compliment to their home, which they may enjoy showing off. This would make the sky the limit, budget-wise, for food and drink for such a small group. You may have to rent a dance floor and a tent to cover it, depending on the weather; but it enables you to offer the chosen few people closest to you exactly the kind of hospitality you choose. As with any venue, be sure to buy event insurance to prevent your hosts from being liable for any damage. Just because friends don’t require it doesn’t mean you might not need it. Bed and Breakfasts are usually decorated to the hilt, and can provide a very elegant wedding brunch or sit-down dinner (but generally without a party-like reception, which maybe you don’t want anyway) for those few nearest and dearest to you. A very nice option for a mature couple or second wedding. Many of them either have wedding packages or would be willing to arrange one.
Hit-or-miss option: While venue-hunting, go to Craigslist for your metropolitan area. Click “for sale” and type “wedding venue” in the search bar. Most often nothing will come up. But every once in a while you will find someone with a drop-dead garden or a home on a lake, offering it for a small-wedding venue. Just check once a week, you may find a treasure that nobody you know has ever heard of.
Hopefully, this has given you enough ideas to get you looking for a venue in your area that can provide what you want the most at a decent price. I recommend you invest in a 3-ring binder with dividers and notebook paper to keep notes of phone calls and to hole-punch and save printed-out internet information. Start looking as soon as possible, and be flexible enough that when you find the perfect place you’re willing to set your date for the most desirable date not already booked. Happy Hunting!
11.24.08
