Famous lovers have left great bouquets of words for centuries, but what if you’re just not the verbal type? Is your sweetheart doomed to remain forever forlorn? Will you live out your romance fearing the fizzle because you’re “all thumbs” in the letter department?
Absolutely NOT.
It turns out that tongue-tied people can have a great love life too. In fact, many people prefer deeds to words. We live in an information society. Talk is cheap. The most effective way to let someone know you care is to pay attention to what they like or need and give it to them - preferably with panache.
It makes a difference, too, whether you are dealing with a man or a woman. Men tend to be more action-oriented and have more trouble expressing things verbally, while women are more focused on feelings and like to talk. This is certainly not a hard and fast rule. One of the happiest couples I know bonded over hockey. She’s as crazy about the game as he is, so a gift of tickets to their favorite team’s upcoming event made her anniversary and possibly her year. Rule #1? Know your audience! (And don’t even try to take back your Wayne Gretzky jersey once you’ve loaned it to her as a nightshirt. Buy a new one, buddy.)
Gifts are a great way to get past the “What do I say?” anxiety. That doesn’t mean you should buy your sweetie something YOU want. Most gals would probably prefer a spa day over those hockey tickets. Trust me. I would.
There’s more than one way to “give”. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but a guy who’ll do the dishes is a REAL keeper. If a day at the wonderful new holistic massage place down the street just isn’t in the budget, try making your own bath salts or scrubs with a scent your lover likes. Draw a hot bath and light some candles. Offer your tired, overworked gal (or guy) a massage or just take the night off to be together.
Know when to focus on your partner! People tend to forget that relationships need time too. It’s too easy to focus on all the problems we have to solve every day. You can leave the office and go right on worrying until you fall asleep. Your partner is probably doing the same thing. A moratorium on worry can be one of the nicest “gifts” you can give. So change the subject - restoring a romance is just an intention away.
Here are five more fabulous ideas to get you started on the path to passion:
1. Do something they haven’t been able to do for themselves - the right gesture says “I love you” like nothing else. Figure out what they’ve been most frustrated about lately and help them solve that problem. Paint a room, frame a favorite photo, buy a replacement for that missing wrench - it’ll make their day.
2. Flowers DO say “I love you.” They also say, “I think about you, even when it’s not our anniversary.” Roses are the most popular choice, but be spontaneous. There are so many wonderful flowers now. Gerberas, daisies, lilies and orchids are all great. Lest you think they’re just for women, men appreciate them too. Succulents for the rugged types and elegant, eccentric arrangements for the esthetic gent can both be winners.
3. A night out. This one’s about attention and intention, folks. No need to make it too complicated or expensive. It’s how you give, not what. You can make reservations online for a lot of restaurants and movie theaters these days, so no need to rush around. Pick a movie they want to see and a kind of food they like. It’s about them, not you. If they like dancing or music, go, even if that’s not your thing. Be brave. It makes an impression when you step outside your comfort zone. If you don’t know what they like, ask someone who knows them. Most people are happy to help you. Everybody likes to be in on a secret. Shhh, don’t tell.
4. A night IN. Same as above, but you stay home. If you can, get back a little early and pick up around the joint. If you’ve got the skills, make them their favorite meal. If not, send out for takeout. Make an effort to look good, just like you would on a date. Get creative. You can settle in and watch a movie - you can even have THAT delivered - or head to the bedroom for some serious fun (if you’ve been dating a while). That’s a good place for that massage.
5. Use someone else’s words. In Latin America, it’s a tradition for lovers to exchange a book of their favorite poems. If only words will do, there are some great writers to borrow from. If you’re brave enough to read them out loud, you get extra points. Pablo Neruda, Rumi, Hafiz, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and, of course, Shakespeare are some of the most drop-dead romantic. There are collections of love poems at your local bookstore. If your beloved is into punk or metal, try music they like instead or ask someone at the bookstore for a recommendation.
