Every husband drops the ball on occasion, well Valentines Day is my husband’s occasion to drop the ball. In the effort to help other struggling spouses I have decided to share my pain. Valentines day is the holiday of romance, love and mushy sentiment. My husband is just not the mushy sentiment kind of guy, I have always known this about him and based my expectations accordingly…however there is that one day of the year when it seems unavoidable. We have had 15 years of Valentines Day’s together to not get it right so contrary to the wealth of “how to” advice I have compiled a “wow, don’t do this” list.
Don’t….rage against the holiday. I have come to expect what I have dubbed “the speech” 3-5 days before Valentines Day. We will catch jewelry commercial urging us to “show our love” or pass the red and pink candy explosion aisle in the store and my husband will lead into the speech. Much like Abe’s “Four score” opening I know that when my husband grumbles, “Commercialized holiday” I am in for the speech. It will be a long winded rant about how the “flowers and card industry got together and created business with valentines day. Suckering people into showing love, marketing emotions and blah, blah, blah.” He will always try to gain agreement from me with the “people who love each other should show it everyday, they don’t need a holiday for it” argument. I will listen every year but not agree; even though the argument has some valid points the truth is a girl like Valentine’s Day. We are not giving it up.
Don’t…..do nothing. Years of getting nothing on Valentines Day would make a lesser woman bitter. OK so maybe I am a lesser woman. Going back to the above “speech” Valentines Day is very commercialized, how can you forget it. Every store, commercial even gas station has a wealth of heart and flower trinkets that would fit the bill. Forgetting is really unrealistic unless you reside in the Alaskan Bush country. On occasion my husband has caved and gotten a card or candy, it meant a lot.
Don’t….be so ordinary. We have established that Valentine’s Day is commercialized and that my husband often forgets to do anything so when he does cave to the occasion he always settles for a fast grab from the grocery store. If it truly burned his britches that the card, candy and flower industry is masterminding this abomination of a holiday, why go with those gifts. I have a brother who is astounding with his gift giving ability and his wife is astounding with bragging about it. That is how it truly works, ladies like to show off what they got for Valentines Day. And it is a given, the week after Valentines Day women will ask “what did he get your for Valentines Day?” My sister-in-law always has something unique to share, something sparkly or him learning to cook something gourmet for her…it always trumps the “oh, I got a card” response.
I have had fun writing this, and truly am not that bitter over years past. To me Valentine’s Day is a pronounced occasion to show the ones you love that you love them. In a weird way “the speech” and the struggle dotted with the occasional card is the way my husband does it and I look forward to it. There is always hope for next year right!
