They say the best way to write is to write what you know. This isn’t always true - an female writer who has never left from their small town in rural British Columbia can write beautiful stories about a young child in Africa, a dying man in England, an Arctic explorer who just suffered a traumatic divorce. But, somewhere in the human experience, the female writer identifies with the characters she has imagined. There is a commonality between all humans that makes stories that are farfetched, situated in places we’ve never heard of or visited, somehow ring true despite us never having experienced them. I find there is one thing that can ground any story, any place you set it, and that’s injecting it with all five of your senses.
This is showing, and not telling.
I’m going to continue with 5 sentences that tell, and 5 sentences that show, using the five senses.
Smell.
- As soon as I pushed open the door, a disgusting smell escaped the room.
- As soon as I pushed open the door, the smell of decay, mold and rodents overwhelmed me.
In the first sentence, we are told there is a smell, and an unpleasant one, but it doesn’t give us any understanding of why the smell is coming from the room. It could be anything. In the second one, the smell described tells us something about the room. It has been left to rot, old and unused, it is derelict.
Taste.
- Lorraine clinked her glass against Bill’s and took a sip of the champagne.
- Lorraine clinked her glass against Bill’s and savored the green apple sensation as the champagne bubbled over her tongue.
The first sentence is plain cloths. They are drinking champagne. The second sentence describes the sensation and taste of the champagne, putting the reader more in the moment with the character than the first.
Sound.
- Collette froze when she heard a loud sound in the dark alley.
- Collette froze when she heard feet pounding and splashing on the wet cement of the dark alley, moving closer and closer.
The first sentence tells us that something is going on in the alley. The second sentence shows us that the sound is human, and that the day is wet.
Touch.
- He sat and she lay there, holding hands above the stark hospital blanket covering her.
- He sat and she lay there, her hand a rough and lined contrast against his small and delicate hand above the stark hospital blanket covering her.
In the first sentence, nothing is indicated about the characters except that the woman is sick, and the man is visiting her. The woman could be a child, the man could be a child, they could be anyone. The second hand shows us by the texture of their hands how old they are.
Sight.
- The sun was setting.
- The sun was setting gently into the Pacific ocean, slowly pulling it’s orange and pink fingers over the nearly unruffled sea.
In the first sentence there is no indication as to where to sun is setting, or the type of weather. By including color and descriptive words regarding location, the reader gets a better sense of where they should imagine they are.
To show rather than tell, a writer must first look at their five senses and encorporate that into their writing.
Happy writing!
