Once upon a time, when a woman was “shamed” by divorce or otherwise left without a “protector,” her parents (technically her father) resumed that role, and assumed the expense of any subsequent marriage festivities.
In the past fifty-odd years, as women became increasingly emancipated, there have never been any “set” or formal expectations for parents of a second-time bride (OR groom). The financial aspect of weddings has changed radically over the past couple of decades, with “average” weddings stated in 2008 as costing $28,000. Now, this may have been tempered somewhat owing to the current state of the economy, but very often these days, it is the couple themselves who shoulder the lion’s share of the expense, with contributions (equal or not) from their parents–even for a first wedding. .
Particularly for a second wedding, everything will depend on the couple’s specific set of circumstances. If the parents of either party have already paid for one fairly expensive wedding, and it has been within about five years (recent memory), they may be reluctant to be as involved this time around, and not just because of the money. Oh, sure, there’s “no longer any stigma” to divorce, since it’s so commonplace–but it’s nothing to brag about, either. It’s doubtful that the parents called everyone they invited to the first wedding to announce the divorce–because it involves a failure of sorts, regardless of who was at fault, and nobody wants to talk about that. (It may also involve “dirty laundry” they would rather not talk about, either, much to Aunt Mildred’s disappointment.) So they may feel uncomfortable inviting friends and family to participate–not only with attendance, but with gifts, showers, etc.
On the other hand, for a widow(er) (or someone who originally married very young), everyone will probably be overjoyed for this new chance at a fresh start (especially the parents) and want to participate. If there are children to be considered, this can be another factor causing complications.
Regardless of who picks up the tab, and the fact that technically a woman who has been previously married requires nobody to “give her away,” it is a common ritual and a heartwarming display of family affection for the father (or the father and mother together) to walk their daughter down the aisle. Either one may pipe up with congratulations at toast time. Since a second wedding is not a “fledglings leaving the nest” type of occasion, the Father-Daughter and Mother-Son dances are are probably best left off the agenda–unless it would hurt someone’s feeling to not have them, or if you feel comfortable having them within the circle that you intend to invite. Take comfort in the fact that there is no real way to do this wrong.
All of that being said, it is never inappropriate for the parents of the bride or groom to host an event for their daughter or son, either in conjunction with the wedding itself, or as a separate reception. They may issue the invitations (regardless of how much of the funding they’re providing), or the invitations may be issued in the name of the couple themselves. It can, of course, be any kind of celebration, from the closest friends and relatives for cake and champagne at home on a Sunday afternoon, to a big blowout. However, something a bit more sophisticated and restrained would be one way of demonstrating that the couple has learned from the past and has their priorities in order.
Tips for second weddings can be found at http://factoidz.com/second-weddings-tips-and-etiquette-for-second-time-brides-and-grooms/.
7.24.09
