Okay–first of all, I’m older than God. This means that I was married at a time (early 70’s) when middle-class weddings were mostly cookie-cutter affairs–a ceremony, for the most part in a church, followed by coffee, punch, and wedding cake–and the obligatory dishes of nuts and pastel mints. The influence of the “hippie” lifestyle–resulting in couples opting to live together instead of marrying, or preferring to marry barefoot on a beach or in a field–made all things traditional and formal less desirable to couples of the day, so it wasn’t uncommon that “traditional” weddings were simply to placate the parents, given for only halfway-interested brides and completely uninterested grooms. Your wedding was distinguished from someone else’s largely by what color the bridesmaids wore or the number of bridesmaids you had, and how extravagant your flowers were. There was, of course, the champagne toast for the bride and groom, and if you extended this to serving a glassful to your guests or serving spiked punch (if your church or venue would even allow such a thing!), you were living on the wild edge. There was no First Dance–or, for the most part, any dancing. There was often no music other than during the ceremony–because, really, how long does it take to eat a piece of cake? And it almost goes without saying that a good time was pretty much had by none–except the geriatric set.
This is not to say that there weren’t still many brides who were interested, or that there weren’t more affluent weddings going on at country clubs and ritzy hotels. But not all that many, because these weddings were generally paid for by the bride’s parents alone, and the idea of whipping out credit cards to fund a wedding was simply not considered. (This is also not to say that after the more simple affairs, the families didn’t retire to somebody’s house and have a raucous party, either.)
But I’m not here for a trip down memory lane. I’m here to say that even then, when fortunes were generally NOT being poured into weddings, brides always wanted more than what was in the budget. And one way they could get it, was to split the costs with another bride. Since the wedding was, most often, at a church patronized by the bride’s family, and the heavy wedding season was from May through August, it wasn’t that hard to find out who was on the schedule to be married at 2 pm., or vice-versa.
What could they share? Because there was little that WAS reflective of their own personalities, brides were pretty territorial about the colors they would use. But they quickly found they could split the cost of large floral arrangements (usually at least two)–in whites or ivories, with color added by a large florist bow, and simply ordering a second set of bows in the other bride’s key color. Since at this time silk flowers weren’t considered an option and large fresh floral arrangements were (and still are) so expensive and last for such a small window of time, why waste those very expensive hours? Why not split the cost? At that time, these large arrangements often sat on metal posts (standards), with candle-holders at the back for super-tall tapers in an inverted-V formation that rose above the blooms–or sometimes the candles had their own standards. The holders had to be rented from the florist. It was easy enough to bring in color with colored candles instead of white. Or perhaps one bride would prefer the traditional white, and another would use color. Why not split the cost?
There was not the mind-boggling array of rental equipment and decor items available today–but you needed (and could rent) china and forks for the cake, cups and saucers and an oversized coffee maker, huge punch bowls with cups, and table linens for the cake, coffee and punch tables. (If you were marrying in your family’s church, very often at least some of these things were available to you at no cost, or as part of a nominal charge for holding the wedding there.) But if you had to rent, why pay twice, so long as the first group left them clean for the second group? And just in case, the second bride came prepared with (probably home-made) table toppers, giving her an opportunity to introduce more of her chosen color, to simply spread over the first party’s (almost certainly white) tablecloths to cover any earlier spills or spots. It was simple–just by communicating, you could cut many of your costs in half.
Today, there are so many options for rental goods, it may seem unlikely that even if you do contact another bride who is, perhaps, using your venue on Friday while your wedding is Saturday, that you would agree on anything, including the rental company. But isn’t it worth a phone call to find out?
If the seating for your ceremony is indoors or covered by a tent, you could split the cost of the tent, if it’s not provided by the venue; and ceremony chairs as well as any kind of pew bows and/or tulle draping for the inside-aisle chairs (or pews, for a church wedding.) Regardless of your signature wedding colors, these items look best in white or ivory (depending on your gown) to accentuate the bridal look for the ceremony, so would be unaffected by your theme-specific colors & therefore sharable.
Last summer, my niece was married on a Friday at a vineyard venue which provided nothing; everything would have to be rented. Admittedly, the communication with the Saturday bride began as a spat over one’s rental company being unable to get their tent out as early as the Saturday bride wanted. In the end, however, by cooperating, they each saved over $600 simply by using the same huge tent–and this sharing of costs enabled them each to enjoy a much more lavish tent set-up, with a beautiful ruched-tulle ceiling sparkling with lights. The moral of this story is that the rental companies drop goods off on Friday or Saturday morning–and don’t pick them up until Sunday or even Monday. Imagine what you could save if you could get on the same page with the corresponding bride over which rental company to use, and place only one order, for the earlier of the two weddings. (Not that I’m recommending you tell the rental company; and you would need to agree to split the costs of any minimal breakage–2 or 3 plates or glasses will get broken.)
If my niece had started communicating sooner, they could have saved half on dining tables and chairs, the portable dance floor, chafing dishes, coffeemaker and cream/sugar set; possibly the goes-with-everything ivory china with gold border and flatware; and maybe even floral arrangements, since my niece’s were high-end silks and were certainly going to last. Most probably the table linens would not have worked out, since nowadays there are so many color and fabric options–without even getting into the huge variety of very expensive, luxury tabletoppers. Still, keeping centerpieces neutral against colored table linens, could have made them shareable and cut the cost of the centerpieces in half. Truly frugal brides might find ways to work together on truly unique centerpieces that would work for both.
Many venues don’t have dishwashers–but if yours does and you’re not impossibly picky about which china pattern you’re using, if you’re the second bride, you could split the rental cost of your dishes, flatware, and glassware by having your team of set-up helpers run loads of dishes while setting up.
D.J.’s may consider a smaller two-night fee that you could split, if they can leave their equipment in place and not have to transport it and set it up twice.
So I’m just saying–if your wedding will be preceded or followed by another–even the next day–what harm is there in having a friendly conversation just to SEE items where each bride could save? Even my niece, who entered the game a little too late, saved $600 on one item–and in my niece’s case, that savings paid for her dress! What could it pay for, for you?
05.20.09
