This wedding, into which you’ve poured so much time, planning and emotion, is going to whiz past in a blur that will seem like minutes. And the timeframe is so loaded with ceremony, traditions, and special touches of fun you’ve planned, that you certainly don’t want to exclude anything because toward the end you’re running out of time. So it almost goes without saying that it’s important that it start on time.
First of all, we need to define what we mean by “on time.” There is the time that it states on the invitation that it will begin–and then there’s weather problems, traffic problems, parking problems, etc. So you’ll want to plan to give those down-to-the-wire guests a few extra minutes to make it to the starting gate before you do. Therefore, “on time” for your ceremony means beginning 15 minutes later than stated on the invitation. (But do ahead and be honest about it on the program, so your guests don’t get too restless and begin speculating as to which one of you didn’t show up.)
Most weddings that get off to a substantially late start, do so for three main reasons:
#1 Something legitimately unforeseen has actually happened (at one wedding I attended, one of the grandmothers suffered a seizure, and was treated and whisked away by medics, causing a significant delay, after which organization and composure had to be re-established). If something of this nature is the case and the ceremony will be delayed by more than half an hour, it’s best to have the Best Man or Father of the Bride (or Groom) step up, introduce himself, and make a brief announcement that there has been a delay “due to a medical emergency” or “due to one of those famous wardrobe malfunctions” or even “what a day for a flat tire!” (give a reason but keep it light), and to perhaps invite the guests to the punchbowl or bar (for one drink only–be sure to cue the bartender first; this would be one moment you’ll be glad you hired a professional instead of using Uncle George) to make the time pass more quickly, elevate the mood while guests visit, and refocus attention back on the “main event.” When it’s time to get started, it’s equally important to cut off the refreshments and make a second announcement, thanking everyone for their patience and asking them to take their seats–the best man and groomsmen (bridesmaids, too, if need be) should step forward to help ladies find the seat where they left their purse or wrap, provide an arm for anyone needing assistance, and generally prod along the re-seating process, in the friendliest possible way. There is really nothing more gracious that you can do, and the most important thing (aside from taking care of the emergency) is to re-establish the mood by the time the mothers are seated and the bride makes her entry.
#2 Someone in the wedding party isn’t ready on time. This possibility can be minimized, way back in the beginning, by limiting your number of wedding attendants to a reasonable number, such as 3 or 4. It’s a simple equation: the fewer people arriving from hair appointments, jockeying for position in dressing rooms, and the fewer sets of wedding clothes and accessories involved, is directly proportional to the chances of something going wrong. You’d be amazed at the number of wedding attendants who do not review their ensembles, right down to that last earring or ascot, until they arrive at the venue.
You may be asking your Maid or Matron of Honor and your Best Man to do many things leading up to this day, but one thing you must insist on is that wardrobe checklists be made up, one the ladies, and one for the men. Stress the importance to the Maid of Honor that she begin a week ahead (or more, if she feels it’s necessary due to alterations) to check with each bridesmaid to be certain nobody is waiting until the last minute for alterations or pickup; that all the alterations have been completed (this is where bridesmaids often slip in little white lies) AND that the dresses have actually been tried on while still at the place of alteration, and picked up. It’s too late the day before to find out a bridesmaid has gained 7 pounds and there’s no way the zipper’s going up. Also–where have the dresses been hanging? The Maid of Honor needs to find out, and remind the Maids that the dresses are likely to need touch-up pressing within a couple of days before the wedding–and NOT at the venue. Upon the arrival of each bridesmaid, she should review the checklist item by item to be sure they have all brought everything they need (this can be done in a group, calling things off and checking them off for each person), and get a peek at each dress to be sure they are really ironed. At one wedding, I watched helplessly as over an hour of preparation time went down the drain as six bridesmaids took turns steaming their horribly-wrinkled taffeta dresses, putting the table-setting team (who had been steaming linens) almost impossibly behind in their task.
Likewise, the Best Man needs to have checklists in hand when the tuxedos are picked up. If at all possible, have the men meet at the rental shop to pick up their tuxes. Have them try on their pants and jackets so that any unacceptable issues still have time to be fixed. Be sure every package has a shirt (yes, at one wedding half the men had no shirts at dressing time, because they simply relied on what the shop had packed in the garment bags), vest, pants, jacket, socks (sure, everybody has socks, but go ahead and rent them so nobody forgets and shows up without socks), shoes, tie, and any details like shirt-front studs, cufflinks, pocket squares, etc. Check it off for each groomsman, father, grandfather, and ringbearer. If an all-at-once meeting isn’t possible, do as many as possible at one meeting, then review it with each other man by phone after he picks up his packet. Make sure he has tried on the pants and jacket, and that every piece is actually IN his garment bag. Leave nothing to assumption or chance.
As a part of this “somebody-not-ready” precaution, assign an aunt or close friend to the mothers of the bride and groom to check at photo-time to be sure they aren’t so busy working on wedding details that they aren’t getting dressed themselves. (Believe me; I say this as one of those mothers.) This person should be capable of prying the current task from Mom’s hands, leaving her with no worries that it will be completed, and sending her off to the dressing room.
And finally, have the mothers of any very young flowergirls and ring bearers get them ready, and “stand by” for encouragement and moral support. Be prepared that if there’s a tantrum or last-minute stage fright, to not risk a disruption or delay to your ceremony , and simply proceed without them. (Tip: regardless of how you practiced it at Rehearsal, sometimes they feel more secure if they go together–two flowergirls side by side, or a ringbearer and flowergirl together. This may not have been the original plan, but if it works at the time, go with it.) But think of them up to the last minute as “optional.” The rings can always take the other traditional way of getting to the altar–by means of the Maid of Honor or Best Man–and if the little ones are protesting loudly, have their mothers impound them to the dressing room. They can always pass out bubbles or favors at the reception.
#3. Although women are often accused (especially by men) of being world-class chit-chatters, gossips and “catcher-uppers”, men are equally guilty of this magpie-like indulgence that I like to refer to in my own genteel way as: gasbagging. Weddings are great places for catching up with out-of-town friends and relatives–so much so, that it can actually put a serious cog in the wheel of the proceedings. Particularly vulnerable are the parents of the couple, who may like to be in the entryway greeting the first guests in person as they arrive. This inevitably leads to S.U.G.–or socially-unstoppable-gasbagging. The reason it becomes difficult-to-impossible to cut off this gum-flapping is that the bridesmaids or groomsmen are reluctant to approach the couple’s parents and really assert themselves as to the need to break things up.
Well, hello! They’re the parents; they may even be the hosts (or co-hosts) of the event, but right now they have other roles–and duty calls. They need to be seated at a specific time (often with the bride’s father seating her mother before the bridesmaids begin their march), and as such they are now part of the wedding party. Make sure to specifically include going over this at the rehearsal, and that they are paying attention. Tell the parents, “10 minutes before the processional, the Best Man/Maid of Honor (or Wedding Coordinator) will come to bring you to the dressing room.” Make sure they understand that this will be an order, not a request. They will have to excuse themselves and disappear from view, until it’s time for the ceremony to begin. They will have plenty of time to get around to everyone later at the reception, and may even find Aunt Agnes entertaining after a couple of glasses of champagne.
Still, you are not completely out the woods. In the entryway, there will remain, until forceably broken up, miscellaneous gaggles of gasbaggers, who will need to be politely but firmly approached by the groomsmen (or ushers), and told that it’s time to be seated , offering an arm to ladies and a “follow me, please,” to any ladyless gents.
If all else fails, BLINK THE LIGHTS IN THE LOBBY 3 TIMES (especially effective at night), then proceed to seat the groom’s parents. Just before seating the bride’s mother, if there are any guests rude enough to still be in the foyer (unless they just arrived and are scurrying for their seats), they should be politely warned that the ceremony is beginning, and there will be no further seating after this point.
Starting on time is a key element in setting up your ceremony and celebration for a smooth progression through the programmed events. Nobody can foresee or prevent an emergency that may cause a delay–but having a plan for handling that possibility, and planning ahead to avoid these other common roadblocks, can keep things on track for your event to unfold seamlessly–without disappointing your little cousin by having to dump the conga line because of lack of time.
