Bridal magazines and blogs go on at length about the emotional agony of mapping out a seating chart for weddings: who should sit with whom, would someone be offended if they weren’t at Table Such-and-Such, who’s it best to have at the Head Table, family or wedding party? The frustrating effort to whip all the tables into the ultra-formal order of seating (“boy, girl, boy, girl”) and taking care not to seat warring factions within earshot of each other. I can readily see why this might engender a great deal of time AND stress.
What I can’t understand is, why do it at all? This seems like a custom that is clearly more trouble than it’s worth at best, and has outlived its social usefulness in today’s world. (How would you like to fly in from out-of-town for this one night, and find yourself stuck next to Uncle Otto?)
If you choose to have a Head Table with your wedding party, it will mean that your wedding party won’t be sharing the time with their own families or significant others. You might choose to seat your families at the Head Table, but with so many remarried parents these days, will there be enough room? And can it still be symmetrical, with the two of you centered in the middle? Have you noticed that most Head Tables rarely manage to choreograph their arrival at the table at the same time anyway, so it makes a relatively hit-and-miss presentation? Most importantly, though–will it be awkward for anyone? Will it be enjoyable to face a roomful of people while you chew?
Gaining favor is the charm of the Sweetheart Table–a small table (either round or rectangular in contrast to the other dining tables) decorated to the nines (perhaps with a bridal-white satin tablecloth) for the bride and groom only, set up in a conspicuous place, where everyone can see them and they can share their first meal and receive their toasts while only having eyes for each other–which is exactly what they should be doing on this day.
If you do opt for a sweetheart table, then it’s easy enough to place beautifully-printed signs (instead of table numbers) on a couple of tables nearby, reading “Reserved for the (Last Name) Family.” This way, no matter how much they get detained with greetings, introductions, and visiting on the way to their tables, parents will have a prominent place waiting for them. Also, if there are divorced/remarried parents, simply add one more parents’ table and label it with the family name. This removes any element of awkwardness of forcing them to sit together–each set of parents can relax and enjoy, with the corresponding grandparents, siblings, step-siblings, etc.
You may or may not choose to designate a particular table for your wedding party. But if it’s a larger party, you may not have quite enough room to squeeze them all in anyway, and wouldn’t you rather that they be free to savor the festivities in the company of the guests they personally enjoy the most? If a wedding-party dance or other activity is on the program, surely they’re intelligent enough to come when called.
As for guests who are not immediate family or wedding party, the same idea applies: they would undoubtedly prefer (1) not to hunt for their designated spot, and (2) to share the fun with whomever they choose. Weddings are romantic occasions, and many couples like to enjoy them together; weddings have been known to lead to other engagements.
And sadly, you will find that all that planning time and angst is actually for naught, as guests immediately begin to switch out place cards to allow them to sit where they prefer, or to chafe in their assigned seat for a bare-minimum of time before commencing table-hopping, making them unlikely to be seated at toast-time.
So consider doing yourself, your family, your wedding party and other friends a favor and simply dispense with a Head Table and/or the Seating Chart altogether. All YOU need is an accurate per-table headcount–and everybody will have a better time.
