This article is written in response to a reader’s question as to “what should a Mother of the Groom wear for a . . .”–and unfortunately the rest of the question was cut off. I’ll start with wedding wear and work my way through other wedding-related events; hopefully one of them will hit the target.
Mothers of the Bride are typically expected to be so overtaxed with helping oversee the details and logistics of the wedding and reception, that one expects them to be so frazzled that finding the perfect outfit is almost the last straw. But as more and more weddings are planned and financed by the couple themselves or in conjunction with contributions by one or both families, weddings are easing up a bit on the Mother of the Bride, and inviting the Mother of the Groom to step out of shadows of Social Siberia and into the spotlight of a Mother-Son Dance and/or participation in the Unity Candle Ceremony.
Next to the Bride, the Mothers of the Bride and Groom are the most honored ladies of the wedding day, and should dress accordingly. However “well-preserved” they may be, and eager for an opportunity to dress up and show it off, the Mothers–just like the bridesmaids and guests–should avoid dressing in a flashy or too-revealing manner, and never in such a way as to draw attention from the Bride. I find myself embarrassed for the Mother of the Bride OR Groom–and sorryher daughter or son–who is flashing too much leg, cleavage, or squeezed into a dress that’s two sizes too tight at the wedding. I am frankly a little shocked when I see suggestions for Mothers’ attire that would look more at home at a high-school prom.
The Mothers should dress, first of all, according to the type of ceremony that is being held. Please take a look at this dress-code chart (factoidz.com/dress-codes-a-guide-to-levels-of-formal-attire-and-what-to-wear/), and take your cue as to the level of formality from the type of gown the bride will be wearing. It’s not uncommon for the bridesmaids to dress one level up in formality from what many of the guests will wear–perhaps not ball gowns, but long dresses for a semi-formal wedding while most of the female guests will wear knee-length attire. The Mothers should go with the more formal level as well. Remember that this is going to be an occasion when you want to both look and feel your best, so don’t take a fashion “risk.” Choose whatever is most flattering to your figure and something in which you can be physically comfortable for a relatively long period of time. Many mothers who might previously have chosen long dresses or long skirts with coordinating tops, are moving in the direction of a formal look, but in an outfit with skirtlike lounge pants, for the sake of comfort.
It’s a good idea for the moms to have samples of the wedding colors and to meet (if distance is an issue, constructive conversation can still be had by phone or e-mail, and samples dropped in the mail) to discuss what colors they might wear, and the type of outfits they are considering. Both will feel more confident in making their choice if are “on the same page”–if one is overdressed and/or the other under-dressed, both will look out of place. The Mothers of the Bride and Groom may choose outfits in one of the key wedding colors to, or if not, then a shade that complements those colors so that they will mix harmoniously in photos. Black is inappropriate; even if it is a black-and-white wedding, the mothers would stand out prettily in a contrasting color or pastel. A good starting place to look online for ideas in both styles and colors is David’s Bridal (http://www.davidsbridal.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=10051&storeId=10052&categoryId=-49998958¤tPage=0&subCategory=-49998976|-49998959|-49998958&pageSize=9999&cm_mmc=Google+DBI-_-S-Mother_of_the_Bride_General_S-Mother_o). For more online “shopping” or idea-gathering, simple Google “Mother of the Bride Apparel” regardless of which Mother you’re shopping for–searching for the term “Mother of the Bride” will give you a greater selection.
For an at-home, beach or other themed-wedding designated as “casual,” Mothers please take their cue from the “Dressy Casual” suggestions on the dress-code chart mentioned above.
Other Wedding-Related Occasions:
Engagement Party: appropriate dress for an engagement party is almost always going to be one of two things: cocktail-type dress, or dressy casual. If attire isn’t called out on the invitation, consider whether it’s being held at a very nice restaurant (and accordingly, dress at the cocktail-party level) or dressy-casual for a more casual place or at someone’s home. Ask your son or daughter about the dress code, and if they don’t know the answer, simply call the host or hostess and ask–you may find yourself needing to advise the honored couple on what to wear.
Showers and Parties:
Attire for the variety of showers and parties that can be thrown can vary widely. I have attended a lingerie shower requiring the wearing of lingerie (99% went for pajamas), and another that required a garden tea party hat. For the most part, “nice” casual (nice pants or skirt, and top) is appropriate. Since you will need to make a call to “R.S.V.P.” anyway, again, why not ask the hostess what people will be wearing?
Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner:
As the Mother of the Groom, you find yourself as hostess of this event, and you will set the tone for dress–generally by your choice of venue. Will it be at a nice restaurant, someplace casual and fun, or, for small wedding parties, a relaxed gathering at your home? For almost all of these, “dressy casual” would be the Mother’s best choice.
For the reader who submitted this question, I hope this gives you some pertinent answers. If not, please ask again with the specific occasion you had in mind.
